To let my 3yo run around shouting in a church...

[alardi]

Obviously not during a service(!).

Here's the scene:
Fine medieval church in a small market town. Sign on church door that says "The church is open to all visitors". It's market day so many people popping in and out to see the architexture, buy a card, light a candle..

I go in with my 3yo DS who likes to run to the back the church, stopping to talk shout about things on the way, then run back to the front area (near the door), where the children's door is so that he can look at books, play with Noah's Ark toys there, etc. He tends to shout when he speaks at all, so from a stranger's perspective, you could say he's running and shouting...

As he runs back, a sour faced old bat old lady sitting in the pews, stands up and shrieks speaks sternly "Excuse me, this is not a playground!"

So I apologised and left...DS kept asking why we had to leave and I said it was because the miserable old hag old lady didn't like children.

But I haven't set foot in the church since, don't want to cause offense, can't get over the feeling that churches are really only for the old and solemn and miserable, not for lively young children.

Or was I outrageous to ever take my unruly DS in, especially as we are contented, resolute unbelievers? I just felt the church was part of DS's heritage and even if we are slack secularists humanists, I didn't want churches/religion to seem like a foreign culture to DC (hence why we used to visit the church fairly frequently).

Do they have churches in remote stone age indian tribes, roseability? I suspect not. Your DS will be able to misbehave as much as he likes. Always assuming he doesn't succumb to those massively high infant mortality rates.

I hope I detect a humourous tone to your post Quattrocento?

It's probably easier to take them from a very early age, rose. That way it is not a shock to them to have to sit still for, what, 20 minutes? My kids have never known anything else and it was never difficult to get them to do what adults were doing.

It was a bit irritating when we had pews and they would build towers out of the kneelers, but a sharp look would get them to stop.

sorry humorous

Yes. But you're right. Stone age life has so many upsides. The OP would be happy there too. Imagine never having to be quiet in church!!

Don't worry Pingping. The goalposts keep changing, so no wonder really.

My DS does lots of adult things very well

He often dines in restaurants, travels on public transport etc and is well behaved

I don't think that small children should be running riot in churches as it is disrespectful but I do think it is a lot to ask a very young child to sit still and listen to a service. Maybe some of you have children under the age of three that can do this, great. Maybe in this area I have failed

Its just as well as being quiet in the stone age is relatively harder. If you have to be quiet for 5 mins when you have a life expectancy of about 22 then that becomes a big proportion of your life during which you have to

be quiet

I am struggling to actually use the term as apparently expecting a three years old to just briefly shut the fuck up is clearly impossible.

I must ask my dad how he did it. I seem to remember he ....err... told us to be quiet.

Actually I can't ask him as he is dead and my only communication with him is through quiet contemplative prayer. And that is currently difficult - what with it being half term and a bit parky and the bingo going on and all

rose
my parent took eight of us to latin mass every sunday. we were quiet.

I don't think they were astonishing parents. Nor were we punished.they just taught us the rules.

I sympathise with OP, I have a very loud child who finds it very difficult to speak and often sounds like he's shouting. However a church is a place of worship and meditation and people have a certain expectation and respect for it. If you had clearly tried to contain your child then she may not have been so sour... but you didn't.

Children are children however.

Why am I still getting abuse about a thread long dead?

I came on this thread to talk about children in churches

I think getting a child to sit through a service is something that has to be worked on.

For us, and I used a former vicar's wife as my role model, it was to not let them speak or move around when someone up front was speaking. I would grab a restless toddler onto my lap and show them a book or silent toy to distract them from the excitement of the kneelers. I expected them to stand up (or be carried) and sit down when everyone else was doing so (the beauty of Anglican worship is that there is always something for the congregation to do ). I have no problem with their dancing to praise songs, doing actions etc.

At our church, children are in the service for the first 20 minutes and it is pretty active so there is lots for them to do. If we have an all-age service, the sermon is broken up into two or three parts so there is not such a long time to concentrate in one go.

well good for your parents

we are all different and some less perfect than others. Whilst I don't think you should let your child run riot in church and offend others during thier time of worship, I also think it is okay to wait until your child is over the age of three before you expect them to sit through a whole service and take them to church

Babies go to church with the rest of the family. If you abstain until they are over three, and perhaps have another child whom yu woould aso have to wait for...etc etc. what is happening to your Christian development?

You have a point squeakypop

I suppose this comes down to personal religious beliefs and the way you chose to raise your family within those beliefs

Maybe a realm I don't want to get into here!

sorry choose

I can't spell tonight - pregnancy brain

It comes down to whether you have a living faith or not.

What's a living faith? Do I have one? I have a living room. Is it likely to be in there?

You know it when you see it.

is it bigger than a bread basket

It sounds like the perfect handbag. Slightly elusive and very expensive ...

But this isn't about not being able to take children to mass, of course you should. That's whay there is a family mass on Sundays - to make it really easy for families, etc.

This is about popping into a church to visit it and disturbing some people who were in there saying a quiet prayer and respecting that.

I take a child with SN's, a toddler an a baby to church, not every week but when I can. Of course they make a noise now and then, and when it gets a bit much I take them out for a bit.

Point is, if I popped into a church in the day with my child just to have a look around and there were people in there praying, reflecting, having a moment I'd be massivley respectful of that and not let my child talk loudly or do anything other than quietly enjoy the church.

is it a metrosexual thang?

Bah, no such thing as the perfect handbag. More likely to find the Holy Grail, I reckon.

Thomcat you put my thoughts into words so much better than I did!