to find the whole idea of a maternity nanny wrong?

[allthegearnoidea]

let me put this in context, have limited experience myself and my SIL is one, though from what she tells me I find the whole idea so wrong...

she says that the women she works for 'love their babies but they love their sleep too', that the babies should be in a routine by the time she leaves after 12 weeks, ideally sleeping through.

Now my concerns are that these little babies won't develop really secure attachments to their mums as when they cry in the night they are attended to by a stranger who will disappear in a few weeks time... that 3 months is too soon to expect routine of that kind, that hello- don't have a baby if you want perfect restful nights. It seems to me to go against nature and instinctful parenting. I couldn't have imagined letting someone else go to my crying newborn, my stomach lurched whenevr he cried, I was a fierce lioness over him!

I'm not syaing I'm perfect, who is? Also it's no picninc having a newborn, but why would you want someone else to have precious moments with your little one.

I'm reday for the onslaught and I appreciate that many people use maternity nannies and am really interesed in how it works in real life and why people use them, if it were me I'd have a got a cleaner to do the crappy jobs so that if I wanted to slob in my dressing gown the next day with my son, who cares, all the jobs are done! Let me know your thought/ experiences.

p.s. my SIL is an idiot and does exagerate so apologies if I'm way of the mark here! x

I don't get the British obsession about doing hard work that you don't have to - ie 'having a baby is hard work, do it yourself' etc.

It's like our bewildering insistence on driving manual cars when auto gearboxes have been invented.

I don't know anybody with the funds to pay for a maternity nanny but if I did, I'd be blimmin' delighted for them.

It's all relative - we're all spoilt, pampered bitches compared to somebody.

The three women I know who had them had worries that they had grown up knowing no other babies in their families. Their mothers had had nannies. They were all wealthy. Why not get someone you like to get in to help you and support you if you can afford it?

I wouldn't have minded NOT getting up four times some nights. Especially when I also had a toddler to look after.

I would have disapproved of maternity nannies in my simplistic and idealistic youth - probably - if I could have been arsed to ponder the issue - which I didn't.

Now I am old and haggard, I think if you want it, you can afford it, and makes life that bit easier for everyone, go for it!

Who knows, a few weeks after the birth you could be clutching the postman's ankles, begging him to hold your latest addition for 10 minutes so you can have a shower and snaffle down a piece of toast.

Motherhood is not an exercise in martyrdom.

I don't know. I find the idea of maternity nurses a bit too intrusive. I completely understand wanting to subcontract absolutely every last household chore when one has just given birth. But I didn't want anyone else to look after my baby...

Who cares if they don't need that level of support?

Their business how they go about things. It isn't harming anyone, it keeps people in a job, the parents are happy, kids well cared-for.

Work smarter, not harder, IMO.

Good on them!

I'm jealous.

^^ totally jealous of that brilliant username! (GylesBandwidth)

Reminds me of a funny pub quiz team name: Kathleen Turner Overdrive

'I don't get the British obsession about doing hard work that you don't have to - ie 'having a baby is hard work, do it yourself' etc. '

Here, here!

I get where you are coming from, allthegear. I think some people (incl. those who have used one and posted on this thread) have very good reasons to use one but I do find it strange when people, for no good reason other than convenience, outsource most of their parenting responsibilities.

Those first few months are pretty hellish but they are also really special as you get to know this little person who has come into your lives and I have some wonderful (and I'm sure very rose-tinted) memories of being up in the middle of the night looking down at this angel baby and feeling like the luckiest person alive. I wouldnt trade them for the world.

But ultimately, while the concept of a maternity nanny might not accord with your and my instincts, it's each to their own.

that is true expat, and I'm jealous too deep down, but when it comes to it I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to look after my baby in that capacity. Someone to do the mopping, washing and polishing yes!

Agree with Anna888, actually. I'd rather spend the cash on getting someone to cook and clean and do everything but look after my newborn. But hey, each ot their own

well, others don't mind others looking after their baby.

having grown up in an extended Latin American family and with hired help around, it doesn't phase me in the slightest.

in fact, i think N. American and British women martyr themselves up far too much and make rods for their own backs.

again, just coming at it from a different point of view, but it doesn't strike everyone as strange to hire out the duties and i'm very close to my mother and father.

there is that martyr mentaltiy to an extent, I suppose I thought that DH and I had chosen to have a baby, I was on mat leave, so the baby then became ou responsibility 24/7. Had I been very ill after the birth then I would have drafted in my ma, but as it was I was lucky and didn't need to. That's not to say other's don't

isn't extended family a little different too as you will have ongoing relationships, whereas a mat nanny will leave at the end of their contract?

even if they're not ill, if that's how they want to go about it and they have the means, hey ho, go for it!

like i said, keeps someone in a job and the parents happy.

don't see the problem with it, tbh.

no, there was hired help around, too, all.

again, don't see what hte big deal is.

if i could afford it, i'd certainly hire out the way MrsM's friend's employer does.

i'm with MorrisZapp here.

if it works for them then fine - it would be totally weird and wrong for my family but all families and circumstances are different.

I'm certainly no martyr and I have no psychological barrier to overcome to purchasing services to make my life easier.

However, I hate having morons maids hanging around in my house who I have to tell what to do and follow up on. I much prefer buying ad hoc professional services from companies who do specialised jobs to a high standard (and I find it much more cost-efficient too ).

I know someone who had one (well my mum knows her mum) and she paid alot of money for her. She would invite her firends round who had babies and never told them she had got one and they all wondered why she looked so good and not at all tired! On that basis I would like one just so I did not look soo tired or feel soo tired but I would have to admit to having one!

Not really sure if agree or not to be honest, I suppose if it means you are more tolerant of your baby and get to spend better quality time in the day then thats a good enough reason. I know I am a miserable cow when I am tired and not so patient.
Dont think I could have a stranger in my house though at night and pay soo much money, would rather my mum came round or split the duty with my DH!!!

I think a lot of maternity nurses aren't very good. Anyone can do it, you need no qualifications - basically when you're sleep deprived and clueless any one who comes in to your house and knows which end of a baby is which seems like a saviour.

I know an ex-one who couldn't get her own baby to sleep through at 18 months. He was waking every two hours for a breastfeed and she a walking zombie, poor thing. She told me she'd just "made up" all her advice to rich and famous clients over the years, she left after eight weeks and couldn't care less how things turned out.

But then again, let us not forget Gina Ford is/was a maternity nurse, as is Claire Verity. And they know what they're talking about

Still think if you want one and can afford it, then fine.

anna you dipstick you should get them to come when you are at work

Then if they do something wrong all you have to do is leave a note and no lurking staff to annoy you

At that age the baby forgets everyone as soon as they leave the room anyway. Doesn't matter if it's granny or nanny.

yabu.you may not like it/want one but doesnt mean idea of maternity is wrong.a family should do what works for them.

bubbaluv agree with youre baby forgetting, prob just happy to have a feed and go back to sleep

i am with anna

something a bit 'hard'as in 'not soft' about having someone else look after a neonate

I'm currently pregnant with dc2 and am spending my 9 months desperately saving to purchase the services of a post natal doula for a few weeks having had a hideous time following emcs with ds1. I'm hoping by having a postnatal doula that my children will have their needs met and I can spending quality time with them without being grumpy and exhausted and worried about the dishes. However I already feel I have to justify this decision to others and am worried that people will be judging me as lazy etc,well not worried enough not do do it IFYKWIM .