Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to change out of my bridesmaids dress at my sisters wedding??

37 replies

lauraloola · 21/10/2008 15:30

Im being bridesmaid for my sister in April. I really dont want to as I hate attention and photos of myself but am as it means a lot to her.

The dress isnt bad, a caramel colour in a nice style. I hate dresses though.

I have just asked if I change out of it for the evening do. I will put on another dress just one that I am more comfy in and can dance/get drunk in. She went mad. She isnt paying much for it as its being made by a friend who isnt charging.

What do you all think?? Should I just put up with it and be uncomfortable and feel wrong?

OP posts:
MrsMattie · 21/10/2008 15:31

Put up with it. It's only one day.

lulumama · 21/10/2008 15:32

put up with it, you are the bridesmaid for the whole day, not for the ceremony

she is your sister, i presume you love her, so wear the dress with good grace !

ComeOVeneer · 21/10/2008 15:34

Why did she go mad? What was her reason/s for being upset?

When I have been a bridesmaid sometimes I have changed, sometimes stayed in the dress. I t depended on the dress and the venue etc. I don't think you are being unreasonable to want to change/be comfortable, but sometimes , especially when it comes to family and weddings we just have to suck it up I'm afraid.

Weegle · 21/10/2008 15:34

put up with it - it's a few hours and is important to her.

traceybath · 21/10/2008 15:34

drink mucho champagne and you really won't care.

Wear the dress - its her day don't you know

alicet · 21/10/2008 15:34

I think she is being ridiculously controlling - why does it matter what you wear once the photos and dinner are over?

However she is your sister and if it clearly means a lot to her then I would just let it g and wear it. It is her day. Or get someone to spill a glass of red wine down it after dinner

blueskyandsunshine · 21/10/2008 15:36

My sister and sister in law did this. They were NOT dress people, like you by the sounds of it! My attitude was, I don't want them to be uncomfy and possibly miserable at my wedding, so I didn't mind. The only bit I minded that I tease them about even now that it was as soon as they could -- I think as soon as the speeches are over. But this far down the years it doesn't matter, it's just a funny thing about the wedding. I mean, blink and you missed them looking fancy.

Mind you with hindsight they were hideous dresses.

If your sister's "gone mad" maybe not mention it for a while. Then as the wedding approaches she may have so many things on her mind it will fade in importance and you can bring it up again. After all if you are going to wear it for the meal and speeches (and first dance if you could bear it?) that might be enough?

hanaflower · 21/10/2008 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Skramble · 21/10/2008 15:36

I would get a dress for the evening tbh, but keep on bridesmaid dress for meal and first dance and all that.

As some one said on another thread she is probably high on all that confetti dust or something.

In other words many brides get so far up their own arses its a wonder their tiaras ain't brown .

Don't make a big issue out of it just change and if she comments then just say sorry couldn't breath in it or something. Hopefull and rightfully she shuld have enough other things to worry about on the day, right now she is trying to plan it all and micro managing every little detail and your idea might make her feel its all out of her control. Smile sweetly and all that.

StayFrostyShiversDownMySpine · 21/10/2008 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lauraloola · 21/10/2008 15:36

Thanks. I wasnt sure if I was in the wrong or if she is.

She is already seriously p*ssed off that I am taking dd to her Grandparents late afternoon so that she isnt there for the evening with drunk people and loads of noise!! She will only be 10 months old.

I think I will have to wear it for the whole time

OP posts:
WayneAteASlob · 21/10/2008 15:36

It is her day. Your job as bridesmaid is to ensure her days goes wonderfully.
Keep the dress on.
Drink loads of champagne
And think about her rather than yourself.

Original poster
lauraloola · 21/10/2008 15:38

I was thinking of changing at about 8pm when everyone will have seen my dress and people will be so drunk they wont notice.

OP posts:
alicet · 21/10/2008 15:38

I wouldn't have asked to be honest. Just done it on the day. Your sister by then will be drunk on --too- much champagne love and happiness that what seems like a big deal now when organising it will pale into insignificance then.

But now you have asked her you are probably stuck

Original poster
lauraloola · 21/10/2008 15:38

All good points. I will have to get v.drunk!!!

OP posts:
DesperateHousewifeToo · 21/10/2008 15:38

I think she should chill and let you change (I did when I was a bridesmaid for a friend, she was fine about it).

By the time the evening event starts, you should be allowed to wear something you feel comfortable in.

(spill something down the dress so you have to change, )

ComeOVeneer · 21/10/2008 15:41

Well I'm with you on the dd thing. Ridiculous at wanting you to keep a baby in a noisy, (at least these days smoke free) environment. It serves no purpose.

ShowOfHands · 21/10/2008 15:42

You see I'm torn. I do understand that if she is having people come to the evening only, she wants them to see the wonderful and coordinated wedding she arranged and ooh and aah at every detail. However, I also believe that she should want everybody to relax and have fun.

I let my bridesmaids pick their own dresses, didn't have to be 'bridesmaid' dresses, just something they liked. Even then sil wanted to change after the meal which I didn't mind at all. She put on a rugby shirt and jeans which looked fab with posh hair and jewellery! I was too busy dancing to give a flying fig what anybody was wearing.

BigTeuchLittleTeuch · 21/10/2008 15:47

I don't get it...you 'hate' dresses, and this one is nice enough, but you'll change into another dress?

If the dress is being made, can you try and make sure it is made in a style and size that is comfortable? Surely that would be sensible, no?

Short of very restrictive sleeves, is there a reason you wouldn't be able to get drunk in this one?

lizziemun · 21/10/2008 16:28

lauraloola

When I got married my sister and best freind stayed in their dresses all night. Me and dh got changed into jeans at about 9pm when my grandparents went home .

lizziemun · 21/10/2008 16:29

Sorry dd2 posted to soon. I think as you are wearing it if you want to get changed then do it.

mumeeee · 21/10/2008 16:33

Put up with it.

compo · 21/10/2008 16:35

I had a change of clothes for my sister's wedding in the boot of the car
It was my mum's idea
My sister did express suprise that I would want to get change but in the end I didn't bother.

Original poster
lauraloola · 21/10/2008 16:51

I know - I do hate dresses that are fancy and shiny! The one I have is a lovely brown one from Monsoon that I bought a while and I love it. Its the only dress I will wear.

I wish I hadnt mentioned it now and bought it up on the night, Im sure she wouldnt have minded. No chance of it now though.

OP posts:
chequersandchess · 21/10/2008 17:31

Slightly o/t but my friend's sister's crazy in-laws all changed into tracksuits after the ceremony at their v v posh wedding.

Swipe left for the next trending thread