To want to change out of my bridesmaids dress at my sisters wedding??

[lauraloola]

Im being bridesmaid for my sister in April. I really dont want to as I hate attention and photos of myself but am as it means a lot to her.

The dress isnt bad, a caramel colour in a nice style. I hate dresses though.

I have just asked if I change out of it for the evening do. I will put on another dress just one that I am more comfy in and can dance/get drunk in. She went mad. She isnt paying much for it as its being made by a friend who isnt charging.

What do you all think?? Should I just put up with it and be uncomfortable and feel wrong?

[Wheelybug]

I did this at my brothers wedding but in my defense - I was 21 and the dress was dusky pink, in an 80s traditional style (and this was in 1996) and was made to wear an alice band of flowers in my hair (and don't get me started on the shoes).

I did ok it with them first and my Mum - knowing how hideous the dress was and how I was gritting my teeth and wearing it without complaint for the ceremony and meal - bought me a lovely black and white cocktail dress which was far more 'me'.

I was the only bridesmaid to change though and the other two were older than me but one had chosen the dresses and the other didn't like any dresses so didn't really care one way or another.

[ravenAK]

Well, as I say, that's why I'd be crap at this bride business, & why I didn't do posh frocks OR bridesmaids.

I'd want people to be wearing something they wanted to wear - & can quite easily see that that could be bridesmaid's frock for ceremony, photo, speeches - & then own choice outfit for evening event.

If I were in the situation of being bridesmaid to someone who expected me to stay in the frock for the full occasion, I'd grin & bear it. It's just not something I'd impose on anyone myself.

[lauraloola]

LOL Riojalover75 - I have been given orders NOT to be pregnant for her wedding!! Would be a great excuse though........

[Princeonthemove]

Why does it have to turn into some sort of 'bridezilla' argument? It IS their day (dammit!), and bridesmaid's dresses aren't ghastly anymore-that is a total myth. Most of them are in very basic neutral falttering shapes. It is a matter of basic good manners mixed with a healthy dose of love and support. Whether it is a massive wedding, a register office, pub, or garden, it is kind, respectful and supportive, and dare I say it-mature and civil- to begin and end the day in your role and your outfit. Anything else looks pretty childish and low budget.

[RiojaLover75]

I was BM at my sisters wedding in December 2004, DP (now DH) and I found out we were pregnant about six weeks before the wedding. I was in a panic about fitting into the dress on the day and controlling the nausea and eating too much in the weeks before the wedding. Eating bland food was the only thing that helped my nausea.

There was no way I could stay in that dress ALL day! I managed the ceremony and the photos and halfway through the dinner and then I literally bust out of the dress, the hook and eye at the back of the bodice flew off. The other BM was in stitches laughing.

I survived until the early evening before I slunk off and peeled the dress and support underwear off and put on my own smart but pregnancy friendly outfit for the rest of the night, well, until I was SOOOOO exhausted I had to go to bed.

If there is no excuse for you to NOT wear the dress then bloody well wear it woman!!!

[louloulouise]

My nieces did this to me - asked if they would be able to change, I said I would prefer it if they didn't. On the day they got their mates to bring their goth/emo clothes down and spent the rest of the night in jeans/casual stuff. Was a little pee'd off that my sis didn't stop them but hey - on the day she won't care, I was to wrapped up in what was going on with me to start making a fuss about that!

[ravenAK]

I'm clearly crap at this whole wedding thing.

I didn't have bridesmaids (quick registry office + pub + posh restaurant). But if I had, the idea of telling one of my friends/my sister that yes, she had to stay in her ghastly frock all night & not change into the clothes she liked because it was MY DAY damnit...

Well, it just strikes me as peculiar.

[Heated]

Think you should come down to breakfast still wearing it

[TheBlonde]

YABU
If you agreed to be BM then you wear the dress for the whole occasion imho

[goldilocksandmylittlebear]

It's one day - your sisters day!

Get over it!

[Princeonthemove]

The wedding party is very much a vital aspect of the wedding, and looking the part all day and all night is part of your comitment to the bride. Maybe I am being a real square, but I say stay in your dress and make your sister proud. It was tactless of you to ask and the last thing she needs. Just to make me sound even squarer..try to keep the emphasis off getting drunk. Nothing looks worse (apart from a pissed bride), than a pissed bridesmaid-you will stand out, and even more so if you have made a statement and changed out of your outfit. People will remember you as the pissed bridesmaid who got changed (why?). Honestly, you may think me a little hard but I think this is your time to be in thebackground, not in the foreground and for all the wrong reasons.

[lauraloola]

I wouldnt go so far as a tracksuit!!! The dress I have is really nice. Im hoping she will change her mind but if not I will have to stay in the dress!

[chequersandchess]

Slightly o/t but my friend's sister's crazy in-laws all changed into tracksuits after the ceremony at their v v posh wedding.

[lauraloola]

I know - I do hate dresses that are fancy and shiny! The one I have is a lovely brown one from Monsoon that I bought a while and I love it. Its the only dress I will wear.

I wish I hadnt mentioned it now and bought it up on the night, Im sure she wouldnt have minded. No chance of it now though.

[compo]

I had a change of clothes for my sister's wedding in the boot of the car
It was my mum's idea
My sister did express suprise that I would want to get change but in the end I didn't bother.

[mumeeee]

Put up with it.

[lizziemun]

Sorry dd2 posted to soon. I think as you are wearing it if you want to get changed then do it.

[lizziemun]

lauraloola

When I got married my sister and best freind stayed in their dresses all night. Me and dh got changed into jeans at about 9pm when my grandparents went home .

[BigTeuchLittleTeuch]

I don't get it...you 'hate' dresses, and this one is nice enough, but you'll change into another dress?

If the dress is being made, can you try and make sure it is made in a style and size that is comfortable? Surely that would be sensible, no?

Short of very restrictive sleeves, is there a reason you wouldn't be able to get drunk in this one?

[ShowOfHands]

You see I'm torn. I do understand that if she is having people come to the evening only, she wants them to see the wonderful and coordinated wedding she arranged and ooh and aah at every detail. However, I also believe that she should want everybody to relax and have fun.

I let my bridesmaids pick their own dresses, didn't have to be 'bridesmaid' dresses, just something they liked. Even then sil wanted to change after the meal which I didn't mind at all. She put on a rugby shirt and jeans which looked fab with posh hair and jewellery! I was too busy dancing to give a flying fig what anybody was wearing.

[ComeOVeneer]

Well I'm with you on the dd thing. Ridiculous at wanting you to keep a baby in a noisy, (at least these days smoke free) environment. It serves no purpose.

[DesperateHousewifeToo]

I think she should chill and let you change (I did when I was a bridesmaid for a friend, she was fine about it).

By the time the evening event starts, you should be allowed to wear something you feel comfortable in.

(spill something down the dress so you have to change, )

[lauraloola]

All good points. I will have to get v.drunk!!!

[alicet]

I wouldn't have asked to be honest. Just done it on the day. Your sister by then will be drunk on --too- much champagne love and happiness that what seems like a big deal now when organising it will pale into insignificance then.

But now you have asked her you are probably stuck

[lauraloola]

I was thinking of changing at about 8pm when everyone will have seen my dress and people will be so drunk they wont notice.