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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to do this for my MIL?

31 replies

purplemonkeydishwasher · 21/10/2008 14:07

SInce DS was born 3 years ago she has taken it upon herself to give gifts to people (her mother, her BIL) featuring photos of DS.
THe last couple of years it's been a calendar.
THat's bad enough. but she also expects ME to pick out pictures for it and in fact go out and take spcific ones for specific months. (last year we were at the garden centre trying to get one of DS looking at the christmas decorations)

AIBU to be annoyed that (a) she is giving this gift out. (i feel that it's the type of thing taht a grandmother should GET not GIVE)
and (b) that I HAVE TO DO ALL THE WORK FOR HER. (and she starts bugging me about it in September)
ok ok it;s not a lot of work but it's not as if she never sees the kid,. she could snap a photo now and then.

DH thinks IABU BTW.
What do you think?

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 21/10/2008 14:10

YANBU. I would be royally naffed off - we get a job lot of calendars featuring our DDs run off every year for the GPs and various other rellies - YOUR DS therefore YOUR right to do the personalised gifts

Tamarto · 21/10/2008 14:13

If she wants to give it out and you don't mind she should be doing all the work for it.

YANBU

WigWamBam · 21/10/2008 14:14

I think you need to work out a compromise.

It's lovely that she wants to show her grandaughter off like that, and I wouldn't have any problems with her having the calendars made up and giving them as gifts if that's what she wants to do (although I don't like that kind of gift anyway ... but that's another thread!).

I would have an issue, though, with supplying the photographs to order and would let her know that if she wants the photographs then she has to take them.

GhostlySinCity · 21/10/2008 14:15

I think its a decent gift but she should be taking the photos and organising it herself. Not expecting you to do it.

I took a great pic of my kids near the ocean last year and used it in a calender but I wouldn't have been happy if someone else had used it to give away as presents.

snickersnack · 21/10/2008 14:16

YAB a bit U about this. Up to her what she gives people, and I think it's lovely she's so proud of them. I can see the choosing photos is a hassle - assuming you have a digital camera, I would just dump all the previous 12 month's photos onto a disc and hand it to her so she can choose.

Rhubarb · 21/10/2008 14:16

Do you want me to send you some of Morticia to give her instead?

dittany · 21/10/2008 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 21/10/2008 14:17

LOL
yes please rhubarb!

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 21/10/2008 14:19

Oh goody!

For this month we could just have Morty as herself. In November she could be setting things on fire, in December we'll have one with her eating baby Jesus etc etc. Oh what fun!

Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 21/10/2008 14:20

i'd also like to add that I wouldn't do this for my parents either.
and AND we always struggle with gifts for great-gran and the uncle that get the calendars.
i want to just say to her that WE are giving hte calendars out this year. but DH would get all huffy.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 21/10/2008 14:24

Ok, plain cloth, fabric paints.

Let her scribble all over the cloth and give them to granny and gramps as tea towels.

Or....personalised mugs?

Or......... plain t-shirts and you could paint on them "happy bleeding Christmas you old fart!"

You get the picture I'm sure! Blimey I'm being super helpful today!

Mumi · 21/10/2008 14:24

YANBU. I know you're understandably not keen on them being given rather than received but if DH likes it so much, tell him he can do it all himself!

alicet · 21/10/2008 14:28

I can understand your annoyance and I think YANBU to be p*ssed off at her requesting the photos - she should take them herself.

My fil gave framed weding photos out from our wedding the Christmas after and I was p*ssed off too as I had also done the same! And he had used our official pics too and gave one to us! I mean we already have it because we gave it to you ffs!!! But I bit my tongue as it is a small thing.

However it would be petty after 2 years to tell her you want to do calenders this year. The thing you should have mentioned when she first did it really to nip it in the bud sayign you want to do this for your son. Its a bit late onw so I think you need to bite your tongue but I don't think you should feel you have to supply the photos

Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 21/10/2008 14:30

when i mentioned to DH that i wasn't please he said he's do it (of course it wasn't as friendly as that)
but he keeps saying to me taht i need to take DS out to take pics of him.
whatever. it just makes my blood boil.

OP posts:
soultaken · 21/10/2008 18:37

Well I can understand your annoyance, but as another poster said now you've started to do it, it will look as though you're being unkind if you now say no.

Why don't you put yourself out and do it as a small favour to her. That way, you can remind her about it if you ever need a favour

MrsMattie · 21/10/2008 18:41

She's being a bit OTT, but if it pleases her, ach well.
Maybe she should take more responsibility for the photo taking, though?

Guitargirl · 21/10/2008 18:45

YANBU - I would find this really annoying and would definitely tell DH to do it himself if he thinks it's such a reasonable request.

When DD was born we had my Mum wanting to send out the birth announcement cards from her and Dad. I was a bit as I was combining birth announcement cards with thank you cards for those who had sent gifts so in the end I let her send the announcement cards to friends of hers and got myself in a right muddle surrounded by lists of announcement cards, thank you cards, lansinoh, muslins and nappies in those first couple of chaotic weeks...

DandyLioness · 21/10/2008 18:51

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DandyLioness · 21/10/2008 18:52

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EightiesChick · 21/10/2008 19:06

How can they be presents from her if it's a calendar of your DS and you have to take all the photos specially? No, get her to take them if she wants it done. But having said your piece now, I wouldn't revisit why you don't want to do it, either with her or your DG. Instead, I would play the innocent and always be 'too busy' to make the suggested journey or 'forget' the camera when you go out - but say it would be soooo lovely of DS if she took him out for a special trip to take photos. You be smiley and happy and oh so busy and forgetful, and make it her problem.

Guitargirl - how odd that your mum thought the birth announcement should come from her and not the parents of the child! I can see why it would seem to save hassle to let her do it (not sure whether it actually did from what you posted!) but I have NEVER heard of anyone doing this.

RubyRioja · 21/10/2008 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Guitargirl · 21/10/2008 19:27

EightiesChick - yes, I was also a bit baffled. The only explanation I could come up with was that she thought we weren't going to bother with birth announcement cards ourselves and didn't want it to go unannounced. We had already bought the cards though and I was drowning in different lists of those she was sending and those I was sending. The ironic thing was that half the cards she sent got lost in the post!

mazzystartled · 21/10/2008 19:36

bucking the trend here, I think YABU

i would try to look at it charitably - see it as the beginning of a family tradition. no reason imo why grandmothers shouldn't be the initiators of a gift like this. let her play the proud matriarch, its no skin off your nose, really, is it? And it could be something that you do together.

nooOOOoonki · 21/10/2008 19:49

YABU - to be annoyed that she wants to give out calender, I would be chuffed if my ILs took that much pride in our DSs

YANBU to expect her to take some of the photos (UNless she is a rubbish shot and your Davida Bailey!)

2point4kids · 21/10/2008 19:52

Tell her your camera has broken and she'll have to take the pics herself (and your car has broken so she'll have to make the effort to come to you rather than you go to her etc)