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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people should stop their children peering into my DD's pushchair when I am trying to get her to sleep?

56 replies

fizzpops · 19/10/2008 10:39

sort of semi-serious. I may not be but I don't care it makes me so annoyed because there is no one to vent my anger on.

OK so for the circumstances... in a restaurant last week (popular with families) my DD in pushchair I am trying to get her off to sleep. Was pretty obvious, hood of pushchair was pulled right down and I was squatting beside it pushing back and forth and stroking her hand. Then another child about three years old comes over and puts hands onto side of pushchair in order to peer in. Says nothing to me but as DD is screaming I would have had trouble making myself heard anyway.

Her parents are sitting nearby and can see what is happening but instead of coming over and removing her they let her get on with it . She eventually goes away by herself but it did nothing for my blood pressure.

I would think that having been parents themselves they would empathise with how difficult it is to get a baby to sleep in a pushchair.

I think I can predict some of the responses I will get but I can't help the things that infuriate me .

OP posts:
Original poster
fizzpops · 19/10/2008 10:40

I think I meant 'I may be'

OP posts:
SharpMolarBear · 19/10/2008 10:49

Well I thought the title said peeing and was about to reply yaNbu!!
Well YABU a tiny bit. They may hvae thought the distraction would distract your DD. But I can see why you're annoyed.

Original poster
fizzpops · 19/10/2008 10:54

Is she was peeing I might have got over my British reserve and said something - doing my blood pressure a favour in the long run.

I think I am feeling unreasonable about being annoyed by the child when the parents are at fault - something I am finding more and more often.

OP posts:
Original poster
fizzpops · 19/10/2008 10:55

IF, IF!

Third typo of the morning. I will desist from posting anymore until I have had a sleep.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 19/10/2008 11:03

Maybe they're posting "AIBU to think the woman with the screaming baby ought to have got her baby out for a cuddle and not left her screaming in the middle of a sodding restaurant" on another forum?

traceybath · 19/10/2008 11:07

Bit hard to expect much sympathy if your DD was screaming. I would personally have taken a screaming baby outside.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 19/10/2008 11:09

So, the 3 yo just looked in and said nothing??

BreevandercampLGJ · 19/10/2008 11:14

Hunker

You saved me a post.

WayneAteASlob · 19/10/2008 11:14

Ignoring the fact that it's a restaurant (so hardly conducive to sleeping), and a hint of preciousness......I'd have said to the 3yo, nicely, "sweetheart, DD is tring to go to sleep - you can see her later" loud enough for the parents to hear

Carmenere · 19/10/2008 11:17

The oddest thing about this tread is that the incident seems to have happened a week ago And you are still angry?

Upwind · 19/10/2008 11:19

hunker

SharpMolarBear · 19/10/2008 11:35

so much for parents understanding - think I'll be dragging DS out of the supermarket ashamed next time he has a tantrum

MegBusset · 19/10/2008 11:43

YAB somewhat U but I do understand. When DS was much younger and a nightmare to get to sleep, I used to get unreasonably angry at anything that disturbed him -- I even sent DH out into the street to tell the ice cream man to turn his jingle off

Sleep frustration can do funny things to a parent so you deserve some understanding -- but I would suggest next time just let her stay up and sleep afterwards.

Upwind · 19/10/2008 11:46

A tantrum in a supermarket is very different to a screaming baby being put down to sleep in a restaurant where other people are having a night out. In a supermarket people will just get on with buying their groceries and don't have to sit in close proximity.

MolarBear would you draw the line anywhere? During the summer, I was at a wedding where a baby screamed for the duration of the ceremony. Do you think that is acceptable?

Also, three year olds are curious. I don't see what is so terrible about her having a look at the source of the screaming. Peeing in, on the other hand...

SharpMolarBear · 19/10/2008 11:49

No, I would probably draw the line somewhere but if - shock and horro - I got it wrong I'd hope to be met with understanding not judgement.
I've spent my whole life presuming I don't 'get' things in the way normal people do, and have now been wondering if IABU for taking DS round the supermarket when he's crying as opposed to dumping my shopping and leaving. It's a minefield and it looks as though, as usual, my judgement call was wrong. Oh well.

Bubbaluv · 19/10/2008 12:07

I think YAB a bit U. I would have thought a a swift walk around the block is the best way to a) get a baby to sleep in a buggy and b) avoid pesky toddlers?
BTW, as a mother of a baby that lurved to sleep in his buggy (more than anywhere else) it might not occur to me that this was a problem for you, and if my toddler was quietly looking at proceedings and not being noisy or disruptive, then I would expect you to be as understanding of her as I am being of you and your little howling bundle.

Bluebutterfly · 19/10/2008 12:18

I think YABU, a bit too. Your screaming baby might have annoyed some other diners at the restaurant but you would probably take offense at the idea that you should do something to "control" your child.

It is very easy to say that people should control their 3 year olds but until you have a 3 year old then you don't understand the challenges of taking a 3 year old out for dinner (actually far greater than a baby believe it or not) - parents of 3 year olds actually understand both - but are likely to prioritise keeping their child quiet and tantrum free over disciplining them for being curious about a screaming baby.. Next time explain to the 3 year old that your baby is trying to sleep (with a smile and a little shhhhhh!). Most 3 year olds that I know would respond well to a little explanation, and trot away happily.

Of course I like most children and understand their natural curiosity about babies, so I don't think this situation would have bothered me...

Upwind · 19/10/2008 12:23

MolarBear - I don't think your judgement was wrong. I would always finish buying groceries with crying toddler in tow.

It is about consideration for other people - in a supermarket they can move away/queue at a different till if they don't like it. At a wedding the bride and groom, their friends and family, can't exactly move the ceremony away. In a restaurant, it is a grey area sometimes - I would be tolerant of an inquisitive toddler but have actually taken my then two year old nephew for a walk around the block to quieten him down so as not to annoy other diners. I will take my screaming baby out for a walk as well, or feed them or cuddle them, whatever I can do to stop them ruining other people's evening.

People tend to be very understanding if they can see you are doing your best to deal with the child. The OP seems to expect a lot of understanding from other parents without extending them the same courtesy.

nbee84 · 19/10/2008 12:30

Yet another one that asks AIBU? then gets the hump when we don't all say Noooo you were doing the right thing.

Why ask the question if you only want people to agree with your opinion?

ilove · 19/10/2008 12:32

I think YABU yes. You should have taken baby and pushchair out for a quick rock in teh car park until baby was asleep, not kept her screaming in the restaurant ruining other peoples nights.

chequersandchess · 19/10/2008 12:35

Has the OP responded then?

Jojay · 19/10/2008 12:36

YAB a bit U but you know that really.

Saying that, I know how irrational I get if something is disturbing DS's sleep - I remember thinking truly murderous thoughts about my next door neighbour trying to mow his front lawn outside DS's bedroom window once.....

So, YABU, but you won't be the first or the last

childrenofthecornsilk · 19/10/2008 12:38

Has the op got the hump nbee? I haven't seen any evidence of that. OP YABU but I can understand why, having had a non - sleeper myself. I wouldn't let my child go over to a buggy if I knew the mum was trying to get the baby to sleep though. Perhaps they thought you were just soothing her as she was crying.

traceybath · 19/10/2008 13:30

Stealth - i think tantrumming toddler in supermarket very different situation. I'd deal with the tantrum and finish my shopping.

But in a restaurant if i knew baby was tired and was tricksy to settle in pushchair i'd just go outside and walk up and down for a few minutes to get baby to hopefully go to sleep.

I do feel sympathy for all parents with crying babies or tantrumming toddlers - god i'm one of them. However the OP was asking for sympathy and i think its hard to agree with someone when they themselves could be perceived as being a bit unreasonable.

mabanana · 19/10/2008 13:48

Totally unacceptable to leave a 'screaming' baby in a pushchair in a restaurant! People are paying good, hard-earned money to sit and have a nice meal, and it is RUINED by a baby screaming. Just not on. If you want a crying baby to go to sleep then you take them OUT for a walk around the block. A crying baby in a supermarket is a totally different issue. People are paying to be there, for a start, and they aren't going there in the expectation of a civilised meal. And yes, I bet the three year old was trying to comfort or entertain the baby, and the parents were thinking, 'Hope she can shut that baby up'!