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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people should stop their children peering into my DD's pushchair when I am trying to get her to sleep?

56 replies

fizzpops · 19/10/2008 10:39

sort of semi-serious. I may not be but I don't care it makes me so annoyed because there is no one to vent my anger on.

OK so for the circumstances... in a restaurant last week (popular with families) my DD in pushchair I am trying to get her off to sleep. Was pretty obvious, hood of pushchair was pulled right down and I was squatting beside it pushing back and forth and stroking her hand. Then another child about three years old comes over and puts hands onto side of pushchair in order to peer in. Says nothing to me but as DD is screaming I would have had trouble making myself heard anyway.

Her parents are sitting nearby and can see what is happening but instead of coming over and removing her they let her get on with it . She eventually goes away by herself but it did nothing for my blood pressure.

I would think that having been parents themselves they would empathise with how difficult it is to get a baby to sleep in a pushchair.

I think I can predict some of the responses I will get but I can't help the things that infuriate me .

OP posts:
Original poster
fizzpops · 19/10/2008 14:15

Actually, I nearly wrote in my original post that the acoustics in the restaurant are such that it would not have disturbed anyone - not even at my table so in that instance I didn't think it necessary to take her outside.

A lot of babies cry before falling asleep no? As well as when waking up. She was particularly worked up because she was so tired as she finds it hard to sleep in her pushchair these days.

If I had posted that I was considering not going anywhere with her at nap times I'm sure I would have had similar accusations of preciousness - just can't win hey

nbee84 where did I get the hump? Crossed wires perhaps

As I mentioned trying to have a quiet word with the child was not an option as couldn't talk quietly over DD.

Not so much angry over a week old incident more pondering a few incidents recently where I've thought parents would be more hands on with their children especially as they might take offence at others engaging with them in terms of what could loosely be called 'telling them what to do'.

I did realise opinions would be mixed - see original post!

OP posts:
Original poster
fizzpops · 19/10/2008 14:23

Also 'screaming' relative term - if she had been truly screaming of course I would not have left her in her pushchair.

OP posts:
mytetherisending · 19/10/2008 14:23

mmmm.....with dd1 it used to wind me up too. DD2 just has to get on with it though and if she doesn't sleep c'est la vie! If you need to be so strict on sleep times and she won't sleep in a pram easily, don't go out at that time til she is older and can cope being awake Do lunch after her nap or well before its due.

Original poster
fizzpops · 19/10/2008 14:26

Bluebutterfly I was doing something to control my child for five or so minutes it took her to fall asleep.

OP posts:
mabanana · 19/10/2008 14:31

sorry if the crying was so loud you couldn't speak to a child right next to you, then yes, it was too loud for a restaurant and you should have taken her outside for a walk to get her off to sleep and come back when she was asleep. Nobody's saying you shouldn't go out at naptimes, just that it is hugely unreasonable to expect everyone else to tolerate your child's very loud crying while they are in a restaurant.

nickytwoooohtimes · 19/10/2008 14:31

Fizz, it used to drive me crazy when people, young or old stuck their faces in ds's buggy when I was walking him to sleep. ANd he used to girn when he was nodding off whether he was rocked, fed or in his cot. Sounds perfectly ok to me. However, past the age of 3 mths, there is no way ds would have gone to sllep in a public area - many is the lunch I've had to abandon to take him a walk! Glad those days are over - till next one, lol!

Original poster
fizzpops · 19/10/2008 14:35

She is a baby so if she doesn't sleep the end result is more crying. Her nap times are not set - far from it, this would have made it easier. She can have a lunchtime sleep any time from 12.30 to 2pm but it would be much easier if I could know in advance and work around it. It doesn't help being out with another couple with a child with a routine to work around.

Usually I love older children taking an interest but at that particular moment I just didn't have the patience. I just thought other parents might realise what it feels like. Difficult to explain but I think they were glad for the distraction my DD was providing if anything....

OP posts:
Original poster
fizzpops · 19/10/2008 14:36

Mabanana:

"the acoustics in the restaurant are such that it would not have disturbed anyone - not even at my table so in that instance I didn't think it necessary to take her outside."

Over the pushchair inches from a crying baby is a different matter.

OP posts:
hambo · 19/10/2008 14:39

Fizzpops, I don't think you were unreasonable...

When mine was a baby I hated anything which could have woken him or stopped him from nodding off. Babies do cry before they sleep and in a restuarant which is family friendly I think that is ok.

Also, you are/were probably knackered.

mabanana · 19/10/2008 14:42

I've been in noisy family restaurants loads over the years as we have three kids, but I can still hear a screaming baby and it's a horrible noise. If you are rocking the pushchair to get her to sleep, then it is only polite to do that OUTSIDE the restaurant and bring her back when she is asleep. It's just not polite or reasonable to expect everyone else there to listen to your baby yell. YOu might not mind it, but I bet other people do. If my children were crying as babies, one of us would walk them round the block.

bundle · 19/10/2008 14:46

not fair on a baby to expect her to sleep in such a noisy environment

No5 · 19/10/2008 14:48

i dont get it, your baby(how old?) was creaming in the restaurant, and you were rocking pushchair in the hope she will go sleep?
btw, i dont like when younger children coma and hang onto pushchair and hold ds hands and etc.. but i just be polite and wait till parents deal with them, if parent wont come, i just tell them"if you excuse me in in a little rush" makes them realise im not here to entertain some1s child, and always tell to chil" i think your need little brother dont you" and

Original poster
fizzpops · 19/10/2008 14:58

I guess you had to be there It is a fairly specific environment to describe. All sounds become deadened into a kind of background noise unless you are right on top of the source - hence a great venue for a restaurant as you can hear people on your table but cannot hear people two feet away on the next.

Thanks hambo for your support.

I did say in the original post that I probably was. Think I will leave it there

OP posts:
Twiglett · 19/10/2008 14:59

you're right you're unreasonable

do better

nbee84 · 19/10/2008 15:16

apologies fizzpops crossed wires. A couple of the replies souned like responses from op.

mytetherisending · 19/10/2008 16:29

Fizzpops how old is she? Could you perhaps try putting her down to sleep at set times then she will be more likely to go to sleep at those times,to help you plan iyswim. My dd2 was like this and I did what I suggested and she now sleeps anywhere at those times. HTH

mytetherisending · 19/10/2008 16:30

bundle au contraire, it is the best thing to do, getting them used to sleeping in noise because then you can have a party/loud visitors and they don't wake up

KatieDD · 19/10/2008 16:37

I've been at a wedding where the bride actually had to turn to her guest and say can you take that baby outside please I can't hear myself over the noise.
I watch my video back and think for goodness sake who is that bloody baby howling, especially as mine were angels throughout.
People really ought to not have to listen to other peoples babies crying where ever they are.

Original poster
fizzpops · 19/10/2008 17:16

Thanks mytether that is good advice. She is generally pretty good but anything out of the norm tends to keep her awake for longer because there are unusual things to see/ hear.

Most days she is pretty predictable but we have the odd day when she will sleep later/ wake earlier or sleep for 2 hours instead of 30 minutes for a nap and everything else is thrown off. She likes to keep me on my toes.

KatieDD no-one could hear her crying except me and the small child and possibly my table very quietly.

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 19/10/2008 17:36

lol katie where do you live a sound proofed idyll were no babies cry?do the no-crying police whisk offending babies away

someone else baby crying is unavoidable in day to day life. i certainly don't think i should never have to hear it

can think of worse intrusions than a baby crying

tinny ipods
annoying ring tones
loud inane yakking on mobile "im on the bus..."

KatieDD · 19/10/2008 17:40

No of course babies cry but leaving them to cry whilst you finish your meal, watching the wedding, complete your shopping is rather rude I think especially as if you ask for help most stores will finish your shopping whilst you sort the baby out, or even put your coffee in a take out cup.
It's not other peoples hatred of babies, more people not wanting the baby to be distressed.

SharpMolarBear · 19/10/2008 18:44

Judgesnet

Original poster
fizzpops · 20/10/2008 06:45

KatieDD I had not even started my meal and if I had would not have been able to continue squatting beside a pram with one hand on the side and one stroking my baby.

As far as I know there were no weddings in progress nor was the occasion being filmed

Both your comments seem to suggest you haven't read the whole thread - please forgive me if I am mistaken

OP posts:
Bluebutterfly · 20/10/2008 07:33

Fizzpops, clearly the situation annoyed you as you were focused on getting your dd to sleep. Your question was whether or not it was reasonable to be annoyed at the parents of a curious toddler. The consensus seems to be that while it may be understandable that you wanted uninterrupted sleep for your dd (pfb?), it may have been unreasonable to expect all other diners in a restaurant to worry about that priority too. When I go out to eat with ds (almost 4, but he was a baby once too, so I have been there with the crying baby) I try to ensure he does not disturb other diners and often that is a juggling act between keeping him happy (so that he does not throw a 3 year old strop - believe me THAT would keep your baby awake) and that he is under control and not getting in the way of other people and their evening. I guess the point is that you are not the only parent with an "objective" when dining out with children. The only way it can work for anyone to take their children out for meals (babies or otherwise) is for parents to give each other the benefit of the doubt. I think that you are being criticised because you are expecting other people to understand your objectives without attempting to understand theirs. What the 3 year old did may have been inconvenient, but it was really not that big a deal and I still don't really understand why it upset you so much!

Btw, before you get too judgey, remember your child will be 3 at some point too and I GUARANTEE she will do something (probably more than once) that causes other people to judge your parenting poorly.

Bluebutterfly · 20/10/2008 07:38

Btw, KatieDD what on earth are you on about?

It is rude to finish shopping while a baby cries? In that case, excuse me while I continue to commit the cardinal sin of being rude to other shoppers...

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