For not wanting my kids to mix with 'them'?

[ConcernedParent]

I suspect this may come across as snobbish and namby pamby so I've name changed.

Basically I am very concerned about my children's future.

We live in a city that has been voted the worst place to bring up kids year after year. There are smack heads on every corner, drunks, chavs, fishwives...everywhere.

My boys are not allowed to play out because I do not want them mixing with the local kids. This is because most of the locals have at least one relative who has been in prison and the kids are heading down the same path. My kids are too good for that so they are not allowed to mix. Instead, they do out-of-school activities to socialise and keep active. They are not allowed to 'hang around' on the streets and never will be.

My eldest son is coming up to secondary school age. I am VERY close to withdrawing him from education after year 6. I have a feeling he will be bullied at secondary school and he will be dragged down with the other asbo offspring that go there.

I am thinking of home-schooling him and then my youngest when he's 11. I've just been reading ex-teachers accounts of what goes on in secondary schools in this city with drugsm alcohol, assault, pregnancy and I just do not want my kids exposed to it or involved in it.

I'm not talking about secluding them from their peers completely, I will keep them well socialised with clubs etc but I don't want them mixing with these types of kids AT ALL.

AIBU?

Do your children have particular strengths or talents? If so (or even if they haven't), approach private schools. Those with charitable status have to show they are enabling children from non-rich backgrounds to enter.

Don't be bashful about doing this. The Daily telegraph today has an article on how to do this. Sorry,can't link because I'm dashing out.

I have a feeling we may live in the same city...especially if the other kids are "larking" about (in a tenfoot by any chance? - if I am wrong you will probably have no idea what I am on about).

I can completely understand where you are coming from and can see why you would consider withdrawing from mainstream education.

However I think it would be worth giving the secondary school a go. Even if it is a very poorly performing school ie around 10% getting 5 good GCSEs (the case with quite a few schools where I live) that still means 1 in 10 of the children get good GCSE results - and the fact that you are so concerned re their education means they are more likely to be in that 10%.

Are you happy with their primary school? If they have friends there presumably they will all be going together to the new school so he may not be exposed to "the wrong crowd" so much.

Would it make so much of a difference if you do decide to go ahead with home schooling to take them out after year seven? (or even during if you are really horrified?)

If you do live near me I have a feeling there won't be a great deal of local homeschoolers to support you either.

Clam.

lol @clam
and emmmm lol @ myself, i cant actually believe i typed 'frequented pubs"
i bloody well sound like my mother!!!! OMG. the very shame

agree with everything the rev has posted

matildax... did the girls at your school "indulge in amorous embraces with members of the opposite gender" as my spinster headmistress once sniffed in assembly?

Well some people could earn more and pay fees though, if they chose. (I don't agree that on avreage private school pupils are worse behaved even if that was what the original poster had noticed as a child however and one of the easiest ways without moving house and playing the dishonest practice of state school selectino by house price game is to pay school fees and ensure your child is placed into an enviornment where everyone does meet those standards that you want.

But do they meet those standards, though? What are the real, honest statistics for drug abuse and poor behaviour from privately-educated pupils, compared with, pro rata, state-school kids?

The school is 18% gcse passmark.

I will be back to read rest of thread later tonight.

lol yes clam.. my headmistress was horrendous.

i remember once putting bleach blonde highlights through my hair, and was sent to her office, immediately after assembly, where she very nicely pointed out to me, that i looked like one of the 'ruffians' at the local comprehensive!! and to dye it back to original colour as i was lowering the tone of the school.

xenia, as i suggested earlier private does not always equate with better. please get over yourself.

And Xenia, I apologise for taking the mick before. I've always admired your posts and how you never retaliate to some of the unkinder posts you attract. And to an extent I agree that some women should bite the bullet more, rather than sittingaround complaining, but I do think that you over-simplify things somewhat. The OP, for instance, despite her unfortunate phrasing, is in a very difficult position and I sympathise.

I have noticed Xenia that it's not actually that often you actually try to help the op find a solution their situation.

It does seem that you look out for the posts that simply give you the opportunity to remind us all that we should be out at work earning a nice fat wage. That's all well and good, but i would imagine for the op that it's right now she's looking for answers of a different nature.

You do make a lot of sense at times, but sometimes i do want to scream AAARRRGGGHHHH when you write the usual suggestions to get a job!!

spent yetsrday looking through job adverts as the world of work beckons. Nearly all of them required experience. Were 40 hours a week and paid less than 22K.
This could be a whole new thread actually!
So if I wanted to pay for school myself (inlaws paid until it became a state academy) there doesn't seem to be any way.

needmorecoffee... That's the thing, your so right. The high paid careers (of which i gave up) usually mean that you have to spend oodles of time away from your children. Although that's great if you want it, it's not for everyone.

Personally i honestly believe that my children will benefit more in the long run from having mum at home than private education.

Like you say, a whole new thread!!

Just for the record, i am so not critising mums who work at all. Many of my friends work full time, it's just not for me and mine.. Sometimes i get the feeling that us SAHM are a sad, uneducated group of individuals who are desperate for a job. Not true in many cases. Some of us gave up fantastic, contented careers because we would rather be at home.

Xenia, do you ever actually address the OP and not just prattle on with your own narrow agenda of 'everyone should work full time and send their kids to private school'? Christ it's dull.

"friend - "yeah, we do stuff like that all the time, do you wanna lark out with us one night?"

me - "no, he doesn't. thanks" "

While ever you take on respnsibility for answering for your children they will be 'at risk' wherever you take them. Give them the emotional ans psychological tools - and self-esteem to answer for themselves and they will be Ok anywahere, and hanging out with whoever.

I live in a general area that causes people to literally shudder, so, yes I do know what i am talking about and I am not naive. But I have a great deal of faith in my child - and in my parenting ability.

P.S do you write for a soap?

The problem with Xenias utopia is, if everyone had high paid high flying careers in the city, who would do the other jobs in society that need doing. Oh, no, i forgot, those jobs can be done by lesser mortals than us superior women - we can let the men do those . Honestly Xenia you are like something out of a Marylin French novel

who will do the child care for all those high flying women if all women are meant to be out at work being high flying career women....
Although I have noticed that caring for your own children is a complete no-no and an affront to womankind but caring for someone elses is a 'career'

is it bash xenia night or summat?

lol needmorecoffee

scottishmummy... I don't intend to bash xenia, i have just noticed in the short 6 months i've been on here that she seems to say the same thing regardless of what the op is actually asking.

School and local environment matters hugely, and it is foolish to dismiss it. Yes of course some kids will do very well and some will be OK, but a huge number will not. Why assume your child will be in the 10%? It is unfortunately much more likely that they will be in the 90%, unless you really believe that 90% of the children at the school come from families that don't care, or are stupid. I think there is a huge difference in thinking that a state school with a 70% pass rate is as good for your child as a private school with 96% (which is probably true for most kids), than saying all schools, even the awful ones are really just fine. Sink schools and estates can be turned around, but it takes a huge amount of commitment, energy and resources for this to happen, and it takes time (and even so it doesn't always "stick"). My brother's step son went to a school not considered dire, but at the lower end of the spectrum. He has unfortunately mixed with the wrong group, and it has significantly affected him. He left school with few qualifications, and has little prospects. His younger brother scraped into the grammar (at appeal, which the older brother failed) and is off to university. The older brother's friends include minor criminals, the younger ones are going to university too. Same parents throughout. dh got a scholarship and has flown academically, his sisters went to the local comp and came out with a few CSEs (one sister is now doing an MA, so not the intelligence that was the problem). If your friends have low aspirations chances are much higher that you will find it harder to believe that you can go places.

xenia - always lol at your posts as I don't for one moment believe you have the life style you promote

always imagine xenia with her tongue firmly wedged in her silver spoon gob.she always gets folk going