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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having a drug free natural child birth does not mean you are a better/ stronger person or have more guts

501 replies

Reallytired · 17/10/2008 18:25

Every childbirth experience is different. I am glad that there are options of intervention like caeseran section, drugs for pain relief. It would be horrendous to live somewhere like Chad where maternal death in childbirth is extremely common.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/4459880.stm

People forget that modern intervention means living mothers and babies.

I hate it when women who have had an easy birth experience belittle those who had complications. There are no prizes for putting up with pain.

I think its sad when women are bullied against a medicalised birth by NCT types. Sometimes its the best decision.

OP posts:
findtheriver · 17/10/2008 22:33

Agree georgie. I worked damn hard with mine too - and I've never felt pain like it!!
I don't see what 'luck' has to do with that.

fabsmum · 17/10/2008 22:38

"I don't agree, I think you should count your luck (that everything went as it should) and hope it continues."

No - it's not always down to 'luck' that you manage without pain relief. I had a stinking labour with my third. I coped without pain relief because I'm stoical. Sorry. I know that's not fashionable these days.

"I seriously doubt it's down to a lack of positive thinking"

There's a very clear physiological rationale for keeping women calm and reducing the amount of fear they experience in labour. Women who are fearful produce more adrenaline. High levels of adrenaline reduce levels of oxytocin, which can cause labours to stall. Less oxytocin also means more pain. So positive thinking and staying calm is important. Obviously some babies must be born by c-section, but the very wide disparities in intervention rates you find between groups of women cared for by doulas compared with those who are not receiving continuous care, plus the differences in c-section rates between hospital and homebirths really proves the case that women's feelings in labour in some cases are instrumental in determining the way the labour progresses.

wahwah · 17/10/2008 22:40

I am really fucking proud of how I coped with the pain of childbirth. I don't expect any prizes for 'putting up with pain', but I also don't want anyone to try and make me feel it's not a significant achievement to have had two babies at home with a bit of gas and air -(not that anyone could) or that the births were somehow 'easy' and didn't count.

Plonker · 17/10/2008 22:41

NMC

I gave birth to my third dd without any pain relief at all, not even gas and air.

Did i do this because i am brave? God, no! It was agony - unfortunately i had learned through experience (with dd1 and dd2) that all methods of pain relief make me voilently sick
I took the pain over the constant vomiting.

Incidently, i am proud of myself for managing to deliver dd3 without pain medication, just as i am proud of myself for delivering dd1 and dd2 with pain medication. I know self praise is no recommendation, but hey, if i don't praise myself, no one else will

Fortunately i haven't come across the attitude mentioned in the OP, although people (inc. the midwives) did seem utterly amazed that i had birthed dd3 without pain medication ...it doesn't seem to be the 'done' thing ...

fabsmum · 17/10/2008 22:45

Here we go Plonker - have one of these.

motherhoodmedal

Actually, let's all have one.

Plonker · 17/10/2008 22:55
Plonker · 17/10/2008 22:55
Grin
morocco · 17/10/2008 22:56

the best bit is the medal you get afterwards (tongue in cheek)

I'm very proud of all my efforts to ensure successful drug free (well, I had gas and air for dd so not entirely) vbacs. I worked hard on a birth plan, got together a team I felt I could trust, did as much research as I could and was also lucky on the day with the labours I had. None of my efforts guaranteed anything but I still feel a sense of achievement and pride. so there.

but no, yanbu. it's got nothing to do with anyone else. it doesn't make me 'better' or 'stronger' or mean I've got more guts than anyone else.

I do think those 2 births made me a stronger and more confident person though. when I think about dd's birth, I feel almost invincible, honestly! it's great. I can't explain it really. it was an amazing and awe inspiring experience. am with fabsmum on this again

MrsMcJnr · 17/10/2008 22:57

I am newly pregnant in a country where the majority of births are by c-section, most people have an epidural and nearly all have an episiotomy. Gas and air don?t exist. Medics are gods and you really have to fight to go against this tide. I weigh all that up against my experience of having DS in Scotland last year. I had been terrified about intervention but as it was, it was all at my pace and I felt totally in control and that everything was in the best interests of my child and me. The massive difference is the education on birth available in the UK (mine was a mix of NCT and state ante natal classes) I really believe that knowledge is power, if you know in advance what the implications of things are it is so much easier to make decisions under pressure. I so hope that I don?t get overpowered and overruled here

No5 · 17/10/2008 22:58

both my dc was born drug free, i think im just stupid woman. it was not like peeling peas, it was painful delivery, but i just didnt want to use drug or pain relief not even paracetamol. i shall have cs if ever have another child, i shall say i most likely cant have another child naturally.

SharpMolarBear · 17/10/2008 22:59

No5 was the experience that bad?

Dragonfly74 · 17/10/2008 23:01

I gave birth to both of my dc's without so much as a whiff of G&A I don't consider myself brave just very lucky that I had very quick labours.

It wasn't by choice that I had no pain relief, with ds I was told It was to late for me to have anything and dd was born so quick she arrived before the ambulance did. lol.

Sil gave birth 3 weeks ago and after 54hrs of labour with G&A and pethadine, She ended up having an epidural and forceps delivery, IMO she is much much braver than me. I don't think I could have gone through that.

morocco · 17/10/2008 23:01

why cs no5? mine was bloody awful, far more painful tbh than labour. I greatly admire women who have repeat c sections, I'd be terrified once I knew how much it hurt. funny how everyone is different. I wasn't bothered in advance about labour pain but surgical pain makes me sweat

SharpMolarBear · 17/10/2008 23:03

OK, luck a bad word to choose but I still maintain that if one woman has a drug free birth and the other has interventions it doesn't mean that one is braver / stronger than the other. Without experiencing both individual women's pain, it's just not possible to say.
I agree, a positive frame of mind, keeping calm and focussing is very helpful - I have recommended it on other threads, however I do not believe that it can get you through anything, or if your birth didn't go to plan it was because you weren't doing it "right"

morocco · 17/10/2008 23:04

mind you, my c section recovery was mostly painrelief free due to cock up/misunderstandings so maybe I should get a medal for drug free c section recovery?? or prize for stupidity

SharpMolarBear · 17/10/2008 23:05

I had to read that twice before I realised that it wasn't pain relief free through choice

hester · 17/10/2008 23:07

My dd was born by emcs. I have to say that nobody, at any stage, said anything negative about this. But I felt shocked and upset. I felt it did interfere with my recovery, with bonding and with my self-esteem in those early weeks (though so could have a traumatic vaginal birth - I'm not naive about that, and I think the emcs was absolutely necessary).

My NCT antenatal teacher had been completely even-handed in her discussion of birth options. (Just as well - 8 out of 10 of our group had CS!). I think the NCT gets unfairly slagged off in these debates, I have to say.

I think people say idiotic things to mothers. And I think that I was so sensitive and self-critical in the postnatal period that if I had heard any suggestion that I had 'failed' I would probably have read it as the whole world judging me.

BananaFruitBat · 17/10/2008 23:08

Hey, I had a drug free labour and birth. Not even gas & air.

It was really fucking stupid.

If hell ever does freeze over and I am forced to have another child, I will be screaming for every type of pain relief there is.

morocco · 17/10/2008 23:12

sharpmolarbear, yes I would win hands down in a 'I'm tougher than you' contest if that were the case!

SharpMolarBear · 17/10/2008 23:14

Well if we're talking tough would it help if I told you I gave birth to 9lb twins with only a puff of gas and air

SharpMolarBear · 17/10/2008 23:14

And they were holding hands

SharpMolarBear · 17/10/2008 23:15

And had really pointy toenails

purplejennyrose · 17/10/2008 23:15

"it's not always down to 'luck' that you manage without pain relief. I had a stinking labour with my third. I coped without pain relief because I'm stoical."
I agree Fabsmum.
Drug-free and natural does not imply pain- free or 'easy! With dd1 I had average length labour - about 14 hours I think - with 3 hours of pushing, transfer to consultant unit in ambulance, episiotomy, failed ventouse, and then finally pushed her out under threat of forceps.
I had no drugs throughout (G&A makes me instantly hyperventilate, anything morphine-like makes me sick dizzy and hallucinate). It was a very painful, difficult but brilliant experience - I am glad I went through it and I was prepared to do it again as I had dd2!
DD2 turned out to be elective section due to breech, and don't regret it - was also brilliant in totally different way.
I think I'm just pragmatic...

morocco · 17/10/2008 23:17

oh, ok, maybe we can share the medal

SharpMolarBear · 17/10/2008 23:18

Fair enough. I know a lot of people who wanted a pain relief free, natural labour, but down to things such as OP and long labours chose pain relief. I consider myself "lucky" that I wasn't in that position I suppose. I know plenty of women will have also given birth naturally in these circumstances, and accept they are just braver than most.