Mumsnet Jury needed for this one. **IMPORTANT**

[exasperatedmummy]

OK, i shall post this as i see it - please don't jump on me.

Around the corner from me is the local infant school. Opposite this are some private, purpose built flats, fairly modern. In one of the flats, which is pretty scruffy, no curtains, there sits a man, pretty much all day, he has his computor set up on the kitchen side, and he sits so that he can see the school. The past two mornings i have walked past there on the way back from dropping DD at play school - he has a book out, but he isn't reading it - he is staring quite intently at the school.

This is freaking me out, and sadly it is because if you asked me to draw a peadophile, then it wouldn't look much different to this man I don't want to judge the poor sod, there are lots of scenarios that it could be

• He could just like sitting in the window watching the world go by
• He might be lonely
• Maybe his grandchildren go to the school
• He might genuinely love children and be nostalgic about his own children/own childhood
• He might just be staring into space

I have noticed him a few times, it is quite conspicuous the way he sits in the window, so you tend to look, if he notices you he glares at you.

I'm uneasy about this, but im not sure what to do - if anything. My gut instinct is to leave well alone actually - what do you lot think?

Well...........I reported him to the police, immediately the SO19 armed brigade were called out, who immediately surrounded his house. I then, on the advice of the police, gathered all the local busy bodies, armed ourselves with eggs and flour and waited for him to be marched out of his house, into a police van, at gun point of course, where he was driven to IKEA to purchase a decent pair of curtains. In the manner of victim support (i had been traumatised by the state of his windos and lank greasy hair), we were able to meet - he spoke candidly about how he had struggled with this for some time and thanked me for getting him the help he was craving. So, next week he is having Carol Smilie and the team to make over his flat - turn it into a real bachelor pad.

All is well with the world.

Actually, ive done nothing, i do feel quite bad for having these feelings. Tomorrow when i walk past his flat, i shall give him a smile.

ROFL EM. lolol

em - you sound like you've got a good grip on things.

I hope your mum's ok.

Exasperatedmummy,

I am PMSL at your post. Glad to hear that he was saved the ducking stool.

Patsy

Lol EM!

I also don't think you were mad or bad to have those feelings about him, but just believe it's really important to challenge those feelings because odd people are everywhere and only a tiny minority are dangerous and need people to act.

Still your instincts though. My instincts tell me the same, but I do listen to them.

Someone asked this : "how would you feel if this was your dad and people thought he was a wierdo paedophile? "

The very thing DID happen to my dad - ive posted on here about it before, annecdotaly (so i can;t spell, this much you knew already).

My dad loved children, was very popular with the local kids. One day, when walking home from work in his bright orange work overalls and scruffy hair - he was messing around with a girl who lives down his road, he said they were having a race, he pretended to try and catch her, she laughed, ran home. So, he gets home, my mum asks him to go the shops, about ten minutes later - he is walking down the road, only to be blocked in his progress by two police cars climbing onto the pavement. Someone had seen what had happened and reported him. Luckily my Dad was able to take the police around to the childs house, who's mother we are friends with and the girl told them they were playing about - my dad wasn't offended though, he said he would rather someone report the incident and cause embarrasment than not and it be the worse scenario - obviously this is not the same as my question.

I KNOW THE MAN IS INNOCENT ffs I think we have established this.

But there IS a link: dodgy fashion sense, my dad had orange overalls, this guy has really bad hair and shit curtains!

we aim to please blu

cory, i am extremely that you are a writer - it would be my dream job - but clearly im not cut out for it, i can't bloody spell can i!!!

but 12legs you're saying you have an 'instinct' on this - you've not seen him, you only have ops description of looks like a drawing of a paedophile. Others have instinct that he's harmless man looking out of his window - shows where instinct gets us.

em, this thread has cheered me up considerably! Glad you are feeling better about the whole thing (that didn't exist, lol!)

No, we're only interpreting what Em's instincts might be I think, which is hard.

Thing is, I kind of think your Dad's attitude is right em. It wasn't all that long ago that everybody refused to believe in such thing, and told children they were making it up. Really, very recently.

And I know that the pendulum has swung too far over on the fearful side, and became hysterical.

But important the pendulum stops in the middle, and doesn't swing right back again because we refuse to make a judgment call.

I disagree that the stranger danger campaign was a Good Thing. I think it was disastrous, actually. It made a whole generation of children, who are now parents, grow up with the idea that all strangers unless proved otherwise, are basically dangerous. And they're not. Most strangers are most people, and most people are not interested in harming children. But that campaign put a great big wedge between children and all those other adults out there that they didn't know and made adults afraid to engage with children (including protecting / helping them when they need it) and made children unnecessarily fearful of adults. It's not healthy, it's not necessary and it's not good. It's been a disaster.

Oh and I doubt if it has saved one child's life, or stopped one child being sexually abused by an adult.

And agree with lots of things ahundredtimes is saying as well.

is another word for instinct, prejudice?

have not read ALL thread

HOWEVER

I would mention it to the police

All they will do is check their records, check he's not on any register, and then pop around to have a word with him

I know this because they did this to a friend of mine who lives next door to a school and had set up a webcam to watch the foxes in his stress (deeeer) (He really WAS watching foxes, we had live streams on his website )

Anyway the police were v. friendly but they can investigate and have something on file if there is any suspicious activity

No harm done

no harm done ?

someone being watched because someone saw them looking out of the window?

thunk

Exactly

Oh that's an interesting opinion Bundle.

I think I would say not. I think instinct is usually formed on some kind of reason or experience. I think not 100% though.

perhaps bad instincts are based on prejudice and good instincts are not?

erm no not really

I don't think that if the OP is GENUINELY worried then ringing up and saying 'Look I know this sounds silly but can you just check...' is harmful at all

100times

it wasn't an opinion, it was a question

I meant question, not opinion.

Oh that was an X post.

I sounded positively terse.