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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet Jury needed for this one. **IMPORTANT**

310 replies

exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:32

OK, i shall post this as i see it - please don't jump on me.

Around the corner from me is the local infant school. Opposite this are some private, purpose built flats, fairly modern. In one of the flats, which is pretty scruffy, no curtains, there sits a man, pretty much all day, he has his computor set up on the kitchen side, and he sits so that he can see the school. The past two mornings i have walked past there on the way back from dropping DD at play school - he has a book out, but he isn't reading it - he is staring quite intently at the school.

This is freaking me out, and sadly it is because if you asked me to draw a peadophile, then it wouldn't look much different to this man I don't want to judge the poor sod, there are lots of scenarios that it could be

  • He could just like sitting in the window watching the world go by
  • He might be lonely
  • Maybe his grandchildren go to the school
  • He might genuinely love children and be nostalgic about his own children/own childhood
  • He might just be staring into space

I have noticed him a few times, it is quite conspicuous the way he sits in the window, so you tend to look, if he notices you he glares at you.

I'm uneasy about this, but im not sure what to do - if anything. My gut instinct is to leave well alone actually - what do you lot think?

OP posts:
ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 20:35

[gums at MP]

KEEP AWAY FROM THE WINDOW, PEOPLE. AWAY FROM THE WINDOW.

morningpaper · 16/10/2008 20:37
bundle · 16/10/2008 20:37

more like the daily mail

debzmb62 · 16/10/2008 20:41

can i just say my father in law bless his sole use to live in a nursing home next to a school and he use to like nothing more than to sit at the window every morning watching the kids go to school it use to make him smile he use to wait for us me and his grandson to drive past every day

but if i was concerned about this man in anyway i,d speak to someone ie local bobby or teacher maybe !

ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 20:42

Oh that's not fair Bundle. I think this whole thread has been informed by a very anti-DM sensibility, that of course he isn't and OP is being hysterical.

There's only been a couple of posters who have said 'well maybe,'

Original poster
exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 20:45

I don't think i am being hysterical at all - my OP pointed out that i really didnt think there was anything to it, but because of the way society is, those thoughts did creep into my mind.

No harm has come from my OP, i very much doubt he has read it, and even if he did, he might not even recognise it is about him, but well, if i go past tomorrow and there is a blackout blind at the window, i might have to knock on his door and apologise.

OP posts:
Boco · 16/10/2008 20:45

Agree that pendulum shouldn't swing too far the wrong way - but I'd say bloke in own home looking out of window NOT in the middle, still too far over. Man waving knob etc, yes call police, man peering through actual gate, call police, man approaching children, call police. Man reading book in house, no, even with bad hair, still not doing any harm.

I had paedophile run in when 13 and supervising all my younger cousins on a beach in Anglesey. Man followed us and wanked at us in the sand dunes. My aunt and uncle were furious with me for some reason. I took his reg number and reported him and we were all interviewed and aunt and uncle refused to discuss it and went out went out! (my grandmother was home and supported us to make a statement) They caught him - and he'd recently come out of prison - he'd been in prison for molesting a child - so I am SO not in the mindset that you should do nothing. Just nothing to a man who looks out of a window.

bundle · 16/10/2008 20:48

so

imagine your dad was looking out of the window (my dad did this lots before he died, he had Alzheimers disease) and because he was doing this a completely paranoid person reported him to the police, and the police investigated him...not DM???

imagine the stress this would cause decent, ordinary people who just don't look "right"

this - and the kind of hysteria that provokes people to question whether a male nursery worker might be suitable to change nappies or wipe children's bottoms is the kind of hysteria the Mail whips up every day

HRHSaintMamazon · 16/10/2008 20:48

not read the trhead, just skimmed. it would seem that i am going against the grain here but, if you are worried then you can contact SS.

I am a strong believer ingut instinct. while he is in his flart and just looking then he is not directly harming any children, but it may be that a quick check may reveal something.

there is actually a team that is dedicated to investigating such reports.

If he is innocently watching the world go by then nothing happens other than possibly a quick visit.

if he has anything incriminating on his pc or they find anything untowrad you may have prevented a child fr being harmed.

but please do not discuss this with neighbours or freinds. it is very easy for a vigilante element to jump to conclusions.

morningpaper · 16/10/2008 20:50

actually ACTUALLY bundle

as explained, this happened to a close friend of mine

it was really no biggie AT ALL

police were very cheery and apologetic

was no biggie AT ALL

ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 20:50

Yes, think you are right Boco. It is about getting the call right. I still think someone who walks past and sees a guy staring in the playground is right to question it - even if they hate doing it - even if just on here. Knowledge should = power, not hysteria. Just not sure how to get that equation quite right though.

lol @ black out blinds.

morningpaper · 16/10/2008 20:52

actually the police called round while he was looking after my DD

Plod: Hello sir, blah blah blah your webcam YOU PLONKER etc
Chum:
Plod: And is this your child, sir?
Chum: Errrmmm no

how we laughed

bundle · 16/10/2008 20:53

er mp

no that wouldn't have been a cheery no problem, thanks, from my family

I wouldn't want this to happen to any family after they looked out of a window

as boco said, waving knob or handing out sweets at school gates - but not sitting in your own house. tis not a police state
yet

morningpaper · 16/10/2008 20:55

they don't actually scale down the building with ropes and guns

I don't think strongly one way or another but I think pretending that making a query to the police will result in someone's life falling apart is just as unhelpful as the Daily Mail hysteria approach

Boco · 16/10/2008 20:55

Well he did have a web cam - so bit more than just sitting and looking. Very good he was resilient and unbothered but lots of people would be very upset and distressed - knowing people were thinking of them in that way and questioning them and possibly accusing them - is NO small thing.

bundle · 16/10/2008 20:58

well you're wrong I'm afraid

morningpaper · 16/10/2008 20:58

oh ok

ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 20:58

Still better he be innocent and accused - like EM's dad and MP's mate - than guilty and ignored out of embarrassment. imo.

God, this poor guy. I do hope you report on him tomorrow EM. And I hope your mother is okay too.

ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 21:00

Oh shit, sorry, I mean report on him to US, not report on him to the police.

[nervous collapse emoticon]

ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 21:02

And that's us, here, who wonder whether he will have read another page or not, not the american authorities.

morningpaper · 16/10/2008 21:03

lolol @ 100x

I really think you should have made QOTW for:

"ime the guy you think looks weird and acts weird - nine times out of ten, he IS weird. The other time he is a charming, bemused accountant."

Original poster
exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 21:06

Bundle, i am very sorry to hear about your dad, as i said, this did happen to my dad, he was sprung on by the police . My Dad also had alzheimers before he died - so i can appreciate where you are coming from, its an awful thing.

I should point out though that this is not an old man, probably in his 50s. Honest to God, i really don't think there is anything in it - he is just sitting in his window.#

I am quite surprised actually that this thread has been skewed towards, leave the poor sod alone - that is a pleasant surprise. I would have thought MN would have been up in arms - my faith in womanhood is restored.

OP posts:
littlepig · 16/10/2008 21:08

Do you mind?! - My husband is a charming and occasionally bemuse accountant... grrrr

Wait til I shiow him this

Original poster
exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 21:10

but little pig - do you have dodgy curtains?

OP posts:
littlepig · 16/10/2008 21:13

Just for interest I stay across from a primary school (oh, perhaps dh should wear dark glasses while walking past to work now?) and there is a piece of undeveloped land very nearby. The reason said land is undeveloped is that it was intended to be used to build a block of short-lease flats however the school successfully argued that this might be used as a paedophile hide-out becasue it overlooks the school playground.

The situation described by the OP seems to describe the sort of thing they were concerned about.