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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet Jury needed for this one. **IMPORTANT**

310 replies

exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 09:32

OK, i shall post this as i see it - please don't jump on me.

Around the corner from me is the local infant school. Opposite this are some private, purpose built flats, fairly modern. In one of the flats, which is pretty scruffy, no curtains, there sits a man, pretty much all day, he has his computor set up on the kitchen side, and he sits so that he can see the school. The past two mornings i have walked past there on the way back from dropping DD at play school - he has a book out, but he isn't reading it - he is staring quite intently at the school.

This is freaking me out, and sadly it is because if you asked me to draw a peadophile, then it wouldn't look much different to this man I don't want to judge the poor sod, there are lots of scenarios that it could be

  • He could just like sitting in the window watching the world go by
  • He might be lonely
  • Maybe his grandchildren go to the school
  • He might genuinely love children and be nostalgic about his own children/own childhood
  • He might just be staring into space

I have noticed him a few times, it is quite conspicuous the way he sits in the window, so you tend to look, if he notices you he glares at you.

I'm uneasy about this, but im not sure what to do - if anything. My gut instinct is to leave well alone actually - what do you lot think?

OP posts:
wigparty · 16/10/2008 16:08
ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 16:25

But it's not madness, in a minute you are all going to say 'this is PC gone mad' as well as 'the world has gone mad.'

I take it that the OP did not see a guy looking out his window and shout 'paedophile'. I trust this is the case. I imagine that if she thinks it's dodgy, it is for - I admit, fairly arbitrary - reasons.

Yes? I mean people look our their windows all the time.

So what I imagine is that she felt there was something more unusual about his behaviour. Though his glasses and hair were a feature, I agree, but then again.. . . .

The OP's dogs have gone on the longest walk ever. I am going to employ her as not only my neighbourhood vigilante but also as my dog walker.

Twelvelegs · 16/10/2008 16:26

Apparently the best advice is to ignore any suspicious behaviour altogether, don't trust your instinct and keep your fingers crossed that he is a terrible person.....of course if he is what's the worst that can happen? We should all turn a blind eye and forget that bad things happen because we'll be accused of over reacting.

On MN you could catch someone on your child's bed and be accused of over reacting.

ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 16:36

Well in fairness, everyone is questioning whether he is suspicious or not, aren't they? And what might be her grounds for suspicion.

Original poster
exasperatedmummy · 16/10/2008 16:38

Blimey, this did kick off - I would have loved to have stayed and slogged it out, but my mother was rushed to hospital, so been stuck in A&E all day - hopefully she will be ok.

So, what was the general consensus, IABU?? LOL

OP posts:
onager · 16/10/2008 16:43

Twelvelegs you said earlier

Simplysally · 16/10/2008 16:44

I actually used to know a paedophile (naturally years before this came out) - he was a youth leader at a church that my brother and I attended. He was as normal as anyone you could hope to meet, enjoyed a pint down the pub, he had a normal life albeit he was never married (slightly unusual in a straight man in his 60s/70s).

He went down about six years ago for molestation of children he'd helped put to bed in their parents houses with their blessing dating back more than 20 years as well as various sexual assaults during his tenure at the church. He didn't waste time sitting in a window to pick his victims, he was right amongst them, taking them to youth camp and doing craft projects, playing sports, gaining their and their parents trust. I'm not saying that looking out of the window is or isn't harmless - it's the context. He might be lonely and enjoy watching the children play - in a harmless way or he might be getting his jollies out of it .

I think that this post also says something about society. I'm not sure what though.

Twelvelegs · 16/10/2008 16:45

None, actually. I was blissfully unaware that vile perverts existed, although warned about strangers.

Simplysally · 16/10/2008 16:46

Oh and since the day the allegations were put in the local paper, my family have had nowt to do with him despite having known him over 40 years.

onager · 16/10/2008 16:47

Twelvelegs, I think you may have misunderstood. You appear to be saying that in your childhood no one looked at you for innocent reasons ever.

lilacclaire · 16/10/2008 16:47

Maybe he is distracted from his book by the children going into school, I know I would be.

I think he is glaring at you as you are staring at him whilst he is sitting in his own home. I would glare at you as well.

Im certainly not jumping on you, but your thinking is a sign of the times unfortunately.

Twelvelegs · 16/10/2008 16:49

onager, no I haven't missed the point what I am saying is that the one time I thought/felt that someone was dodgy he was. I think human instinct is a truly wonderful thing.

Simplysally · 16/10/2008 16:54

I think as the OP has posted this then she isn't sure herself.

onager · 16/10/2008 16:58

Or you remember the one incident since the guy was on the news later on. There is a technical term for this, but I forget now.

Human instinct gives us xenophobia, but Human intelligence overrides that and enables us to get on with strangers/foreigners.

Gut instinct is a good term since the gut is where the shit comes from.

bundle · 16/10/2008 16:58
bundle · 16/10/2008 17:00
Twelvelegs · 16/10/2008 17:08

Onager, what's your point dear? You're getting lost in your own fantasy.

I lived in a very small town and it was not on the news. At that time when all of us (children) told our parents of this weird man we were told not to be silly, it transpired a year or so later that he has molested two boys.

I'm wondering if you have ever had a gut instinct yourself?
Human instinct may make you xenophobic but not me.

ahundredtimes · 16/10/2008 17:10

lol bundy.

Sorry to hear about your mum. Is she okay? What happened?

The consensus is

[drum roll]

there is no consensus.

Way hay. Another great MN thread.

I think the YABU are in the majority and the YANBU are the small, yet articulate and probably stylishly dressed, minority.

KimiTrickOrTreat · 16/10/2008 17:14

Someone my MIL knows got sent down for sexual assaults on children, his victims were the children his wife childminded .
Normal enough looking bloke but a real sicko.

Boco · 16/10/2008 17:41

So 100x you really think it's ok to report it because if he looks dodgy then he probably is? That's a lot of faith in a stranger's gut. People have gut reactions to other's appearance, from a distance, through a bay window - it really isn't a scientifically reliable method, and is very probably wrong.

I pass a woman every day on the school run who reminds me very strongly of a turnip. I don't know what I should do about that.

bundle · 16/10/2008 17:43

boco -stew her

hundredtimes - my mum??

Boco · 16/10/2008 17:47

I will Bundle. If she looks like a turnip chances are she is one. Rooty bitch.

I thinks she meant exasperateds mum who was in a&e today. Hope she's ok exasperatedmum.

cocoleBOO · 16/10/2008 17:52

Hope your Mum's ok.

bundle · 16/10/2008 17:55

sorry had missed that

hope your mum is ok exasperated

bundle · 16/10/2008 17:55

snigger @ rooty bitch

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