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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to feed my 3 month old nephew with puree?

110 replies

Freddysteddy · 15/10/2008 10:00

Was round at SIL and BIL house at the weekend. They decided to wean at 3 months, fine - their choice. It's not one I'd make myself but it's not my business.

However, SIL asked me to feed the baby whilst she was making lunch. I really, really didn't want to do it - I just don't want to be a part of it.

Was IBU to refuse?

OP posts:
mumoverseas · 15/10/2008 10:03

I don't think so. Imagine how you'd feel if the poor little thing started choking! He is too young (in my opinion) When I had my first 15 years ago they recommended 4 months was the earliest you should start weening but I think they now say 6 months. You were not being unresonable, you were being sensible.

PavlovtheWitchesCat · 15/10/2008 10:05

yes you are.

Well, it is your right to say no, of course it is, but its not your baby, its theirs, and they can parent how they like.

Technically, yes, her baby, she should feed baby herself. If you don't want to be involved in the care of their baby, fine, don't help them out at all.

If they have made their decisions already. God, why go around at all when they are feeding, seeing as you don't approve, or indeed at all.

(my friend bottle feeds, I prefer breastfeeding, and would have liked for her to, but she did not, and I would not refuse to feed her baby while she made me lunch!)

Original poster
Freddysteddy · 15/10/2008 10:10

Oh, she wasn't making my lunch.

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 15/10/2008 10:16

YABU. Three years ago, I was told by DD's paediatrician to wean at 4 months. Guidance changed to 6 months now, but it is not the literal word of God. Surely it will change again at some point.

It is not worth getting worked up over, and it certainly isn't worth clashing with your brother and SIL about.

VictorianSqualorSquelchNSquirm · 15/10/2008 10:16

It's a tough one. Personally I'd just say I was rubbish at spoon-feeding as I do BLW and I'd probably just make a mess so couldn't BiL do it.
Even though I don't agree with weaning early, especially not before 4 months and I'd love to say 'No, actually I won't potentially damage your child's insides, sorry, you'll have to do that' I wouldn't.

mumoverseas · 15/10/2008 10:18

well even if she was making your lunch freddysteddy, still don't think you are unreasonable.

nailpolish · 15/10/2008 10:20

did you really refuse to feed him?

Shitemum · 15/10/2008 10:27

I would have offered to make the lunch while she fed baby

berolina · 15/10/2008 10:36

Pavlov, bf/ff is in this context not at all comparable with feeding solids to a baby this young.

OP - YWNBU.

Bladdered · 15/10/2008 10:43

BUT if the decision to wean is already made, if its already being done. OP cannot change that.

Is it not better to support, guide and be there to help new parents, whatever choices they make, right or wrong? If the OP has made her views clear, any action will not undo this. Only seek to alienate her from her family, who need her, and seeks to make the person refusing on grounds of principle look like they consider themnselves to be superior.

My point about the BF, is that decisions that others consider to be wrong, and even perhaps damaging should not stop bonding between familes.

Make your views known, and accept the decisions made.

People are so quick to judge and make their own views so blatantly obvious, and make new parents who struggle with decisions feel like shit.

nailpolish · 15/10/2008 10:45

excellent post, bladdered

Jux · 15/10/2008 10:50

Their decision; you either help or you don't. However, I would imagine that you would rather a babe is fed and no longer hungry, than sitting around starving and crying while his mum gets food ready for YOU. Feed him. Don't be like my MIL who put dd on a 4 hour feeding schedule every time she babysat when dd was actually fed on demand. Your SIL will love and trust you for being tolerant and understanding and for respecting her decisions.

Eniddo · 15/10/2008 10:51

YABTU

fondant4000 · 15/10/2008 10:52

Oooo what a tough one.

YANBU, and I definitely wouldn't do it. Absolutely well done for not doing it

But not sure what I'd say. What did your SIL say when you refused?

Eniddo · 15/10/2008 10:54

it isnt your baby

it isnt going to kill him

get over yourself

VictorianSqualorSquelchNSquirm · 15/10/2008 10:58

No Eniddo it won't kill the baby, but it could possibly cause medical problems in the future.

Bladdered, if the SiL&BiL decided to stop weaning it would make problems in the future less of a risk. So as the decision is reversible she should say something, non? Just word it carefully so as not to cause offence?

Eniddo · 15/10/2008 11:00

god I think if you say anything you will look back at yourself in 20 years and cringe

fondant4000 · 15/10/2008 11:01

I'd agree with you Eniddo about just about anything - ff, even smacking - it's not going to kill the kid.

But cannot agree to go along with something that is so clearly against all medical advice.

Bladdered · 15/10/2008 11:02

VictorianSqualor - as I said, make your opinions known, then accept it. If they change their minds, great, if they don't, that is up to them.

PuzzleRocks · 15/10/2008 11:02

20 years? I can't remember things I said 2 days ago. Probably a blessing.

Eniddo · 15/10/2008 11:03

the country is fucked if we'd rather smack a kid than give it a bowlful of mush

no wonder we are all terrified of food

PinkTulips · 15/10/2008 11:03

good for you.

i wouldn't have done it either.

if they want to damage their child that's their issue, you're totally within your rights to say you don't want any part of it.

it might not kill him but it is doing long term damage to his gut and he could choke.

like you said, if they made the decision to feed solids in the full knowledge of the potential damage then fine, it doen't mean that you should be obliged to help them damage the child.

if they had made the decision that they didn't feel carseats were necessary that would be their choice, however it would be unacceptable to ask you not to use a carseat if you were giving him a lift. it would be dangerous and would make you uncomfortable and no-one would think it unreasonable for you to refuse.

nailpolish · 15/10/2008 11:04

its medical advice

not the law

fgs

what do you do ? say "sorry im not feeding your child " and sit back with your arms folded

you will make a complete idiot of your self and the childs mother will probaby feel like shit cos of your horrible attitude towards her parenting

Bladdered · 15/10/2008 11:05

Or you could call SS? Explain they are poor parents that are going to damage them in later life as they chose do go against medical advice? .

nailpolish · 15/10/2008 11:05

stop it all of you

get down from your high horse

i didnt feed my bairns solids til they were 6 mths but i wouldnt judge a parent who ddint or even shove my views down their throat

life is tough enough as it is without perfect parents looking down their noses

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