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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to feed my 3 month old nephew with puree?

110 replies

Freddysteddy · 15/10/2008 10:00

Was round at SIL and BIL house at the weekend. They decided to wean at 3 months, fine - their choice. It's not one I'd make myself but it's not my business.

However, SIL asked me to feed the baby whilst she was making lunch. I really, really didn't want to do it - I just don't want to be a part of it.

Was IBU to refuse?

OP posts:

Beetroot · 15/10/2008 12:22

fgs

15 years ago 3 mnths was the norm
13 years ago 4 months was the norm

then it becasme 6 months.

next year it will go back to 3 months

You are not killing the child
we do not have a generation of ill people becasue they were weaned at 3 months

heavens above

ghosty · 15/10/2008 12:23

I was weaned at 6 weeks with farex mixed with marmite to make it 'less bland'
And I'm fine

carmenelectra · 15/10/2008 12:24

Ghosty you are spot on love

ScareyBitchFeast · 15/10/2008 12:25

you are indeed ghosty

RustyBear · 15/10/2008 12:25

Bramshott has a good point - if your SIL said 'If he's naughty, smack him' while you were babysitting - would you do it?

RustyBear · 15/10/2008 12:28

3 months certainly wasn't the recommendation when I weaned my two - 20 & 18 years ago. It was 4 months then.

Bubbaluv · 15/10/2008 12:30

This is like a Bounty vs MN thread!

Beetroot · 15/10/2008 12:30

Rusty when I weaned mine oldest is 14, there were still jars on the shelf that recommended 'from 3 months' and loads of people were doing it.

ghosty · 15/10/2008 12:32

You ahve a point there. I wouldn't smack him. So does Beety have a good point: Is there a generation of ill people?
We are not weaning our children until they are older but we are vaccinating them with all sorts at a really young age ... which we weren't .... so ..... how do we really know???

ghosty · 15/10/2008 12:33

Gosh, is that the time? I really must go to bed ... Night all

RustyBear · 15/10/2008 12:44

The jars now say from 4 months, when the recommendation is 6 - there doesn't seem to be much control on what manufacturers say.

But all the leaflets & books I read (and I read obsessively with my pfb)said 4 months.

I know, because DS wasn't gaining and I was waiting impatiently for the magic 4 months before I would get out my spoon....

(I did have a HV who suggested solids at 11 weeks, but only because he wasn't gaining - even she didn't suggest it was the norm)
Maybe it was different in different areas - I was in Epsom then.

mummy2olivia · 15/10/2008 12:52

I dont agree with feeding with food from a jar but a lot of my friends use them and I love to help and support so will do as they ask or wish, no matter what my personal opinion is. I dont like bottles either but I love the chance to feed my friends baby with one.

Parenting is difficult, sometimes you do what is best and have regrets later on. My mum used to tell me that being a mum is 'hit and miss'. Granted, it used to piss me off when she said that but i appreciate now that it is true. I have lots of friends who don't bring up their children the way i would- but do you know what? None of my business. Their child- and as long as they are doing nothing cruel, nothing dangerous or anything to deliberately cause harm to your nephew then I'm sorry but I think its none of your business. Perhaps they just need some GENTLE guidance, kind words, help and support to find their way as parents- only friends and family can do that and no amount of judgement or opinions will help with that- they have to find their own way.

I can honestly say that from the point of view of a person who gets told what a shite parent she is by her 'mate' (because I work full time and use child care and go to aerobics one night a week) judgement as a parent is awful- nothing can make you feel worse. Please try to help your SIL if you are concerned about her parenting, guide her, offer support- but most of all dont judge her. She is the Mummy, not you.

And why does it matter who the lunch is for? I dont get that at all??!! are we really that selfish that we only help people if they make us lunch? have I missed something there??!!!

wannaBe · 15/10/2008 12:58

"vs bf'ing is more of an issue, depending
on what you believe, but again as long as you tactfully make your views known (and what you will and won't do) that should be respected." no. No no no no no no no you do not make your opinions on breast ve bottle known. Ever. And if any member of my family had refused to bottle feed my baby they would never be welcome in my house again. ever.

Gobbledigook · 15/10/2008 13:00

Ha ha - YABTU

I'm with Enid and wannabe

Gobbledigook · 15/10/2008 13:02

and really - you should put this in the feeding boards not the AIBU boards - ths really gets on my t*ts since I have blocked out weaning adn breastvsbottle etc for this very reason and all everyone does now is put them in AIBU

Time to block that topic out methinks!

Beetroot · 15/10/2008 13:10

I of course I can block to!

okay - well it stayed at 4 months for longer than I thought as it was 4 months for three of mine then 6 for the 4th!
and my kids are never ill
maybe they will have heart attacks at teh age of 40 though

TinkerBellesMum · 15/10/2008 13:29

YANBU, it's their decision to do it and you accept that, but it doesn't mean you have to be made party to it or have to do something that you really feel uncomfortable about. It's not like you've told them they're terrible parents for doing it or tried to change their mind, you just didn't want to be involved with it.

TinkerBellesMum · 15/10/2008 13:33

Can I just point out as well that weaning advice has been 4 months since the 70s.

Miyazaki · 15/10/2008 13:34

yes, YABU, get over yourself.

spookycharlotte121 · 15/10/2008 13:35

dd is only 4 months old and Im feeding her solids (baby rice) because she needs it. she is hungry and is taking a lot more milk than is normal for her age. The age the gov give is a guide line. If they feel that their child needs solids it must be for a good reason. My dd just isnt getting full enough on the milk so she is now taking some solids too to fill her up a little more. I would rather her do that than have a tummy ache from being hungry.

Onestonetogo · 15/10/2008 13:51

Message withdrawn

VictorianSqualorSquelchNSquirm · 15/10/2008 20:20

She doesn't need it charlotte.
Before the age of 6 months a baby does not need solid food all they need is milk, milk and more milk.
Previously, before formula milk was of the standard it is now they did need extra vitamins as babies were suffering with scurvy and rickets so weaning became earlier and earlier, now we have a better standard of formula milk babies do not need anything other than milk before 6 months. (Except in the small exception of babies with dairy/lactose intolerances where sometimes the risk of possible illness in adulthood is outweighed by the risk of malnutrition/weight loss and illness in the baby)

sweetkitty · 15/10/2008 20:28

DD3 is 3 months old today and I could not imagine giving her food. She's way too little (she wasn't premmie and is on the 50th centile) but she has just learned to hold her head up and roll over, she has just found her hands and enjoys sucking on them but she is just too little to be eating if that makes sense. We will be waiting until 6 months then she will be mainly BLW theres no way I am messing about with purees.

I was weaned at 6 weeks in the 70s as was the norm not baby rice but meat and potatoes and custard for afters oh and I was a 34 week premmie so technically newborn

I know it's so hard sometimes to stand by and watch other parents do things you wouldn't dream of with your DC but you have to respect other peoples choices but in saying that I don't think I could feed a baby as young as DD3 myself.

peanutbutterkid · 15/10/2008 20:35

I don't think I could spoon feed a 3 month old, either, I woudn't try to explain it, instead would just fudge about and try desperately to make lunch, find a distraction, etc.

SharpMolarBear · 15/10/2008 21:36

Beety, have you not noticed how the recommended weaning age has always gone up - not down?

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