Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to feed my 3 month old nephew with puree?

110 replies

Freddysteddy · 15/10/2008 10:00

Was round at SIL and BIL house at the weekend. They decided to wean at 3 months, fine - their choice. It's not one I'd make myself but it's not my business.

However, SIL asked me to feed the baby whilst she was making lunch. I really, really didn't want to do it - I just don't want to be a part of it.

Was IBU to refuse?

OP posts:
Eniddo · 15/10/2008 11:06

yes bladdered I think SS would be a good idea

Bramshott · 15/10/2008 11:09

Actually in some ways, this IS a bit like smacking. I mean if someone wants to smack their child as a form of discipline, I wouldn't agree, but I'd think "their child, their choice", but OTOH, if they asked ME to smack their child while I was babysitting, I'd feel very, very uncomfortable.

In this situation, we are not talking about a baby older than 4 months, where the guidelines are different, but a baby who is younger than the absolute minimum age recommended for solids. Would we feel differently if this was a newborn? Because 3 months is not far off newborn is it really?!

I think that if I were the OP, I'd say something like "oh I'm not very good with purees when they're so small as mine were weaned so much later, so why don't I make your lunch while you feed him?"

PinkTulips · 15/10/2008 11:09

maybe she should feel bad about her parenting.... she's giving a 3 month old solid foood fgs

Eniddo · 15/10/2008 11:12

ooooookay

you are so more obsessive about this than I am

Original poster
Freddysteddy · 15/10/2008 11:15

To all those who believe she was making my lunch, I repeat SHE WAS MAKING HER OWN LUNCH, NOT MINE.

I did refuse, told her I didn't want to as I was wearing a white top and he is a messy eater so offered to finish making HER lunch.

OP posts:
fondant4000 · 15/10/2008 11:15

Exactly Bramshott. It's not about do you tell the parents you think what they are doing is wrong - it's about what do you do if you are asked to do something that you personally are uncomfortable with, and you know is against current medical advice.

Surely it's a no-brainer - you shouldn't feel obliged to do something you think is not good for the child. It's not about getting at the parents fgs.

nailpolish · 15/10/2008 11:17

freddy

well done for notsaying "i dont want to cos you re harming yoru child and i believe its bad parenting"

like all those other poeple on this thread would have done

fondant4000 · 15/10/2008 11:17

Wow - that's a great response FT.

Eniddo · 15/10/2008 11:17

aha

so really this is about your white top (which I completely sympathise with)

carmenelectra · 15/10/2008 11:28

hOW utterly ridiculous. Why would what other people feed their kids upset you so much?

Just because i didnt give puree myself wouldnt mean i wouldnt feed someone elses baby if they asked me! Would that mean that you wouldnt give a baby a bottle of formula if you were pro bf?

I dont eat meat myself, but i would give my nephew meat if my sister asked me to.

You dont want to be a part of what exactly? Feeding solids before 6mths or giving puree? None of your business.

jeee · 15/10/2008 11:30

I do hope SIL appreciates the sheer brilliance of your parenting.

Bramshott · 15/10/2008 11:31

Let's get this clear though - we are NOT talking about giving solids before 6 months - I am very relaxed about that and weaned both of mine at 5 months. We are talking about giving solids BEFORE 16 WEEKS.

carmenelectra · 15/10/2008 11:34

Still not OP'S BUSINESS though. How judegmental. All of my friends weaned early. Why would that bother me?

Pannacotta · 15/10/2008 11:36

YANBU, it's madness. 3 months is still classed as newborn I think.
As another poster said, its not about getting at the parents it's about not feeling obliged to do something you are not comfortable with.
I wouldn't feel comfortable giving a 3 month ols puree either - 5 months yes, 3 months no.

QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow · 15/10/2008 11:36

This reminds me of an au pair that refused to give my son calpol when he was ill because she was against medicines.

Non of the ops business. It seems rather precious.

chequersandchess · 15/10/2008 11:36

Read the op carmenelectra, I don't mind what she does - I just don't want to do it myself.

chequersandchess · 15/10/2008 11:38

Sorry ahould read "I don't mind what she does - I just don't want to do it myself."

carmenelectra · 15/10/2008 11:39

WEll if you dont want to do it yourself dont make up silly excuses like 'Oh im not very good at it'.What? spooning stuff in a baby's mouth? Be honest and say the true reason. Be prepared for a very cross relative though!

QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow · 15/10/2008 11:41

Yes, have the courage to stand by your conviction, or be quiet and help out a mum of a baby who is trying to juggle lunchmaking, visitors and feeding her baby.

wannaBe · 15/10/2008 11:45

?if they want to damage their child that's their issue, you're totally within your rights to say you don't want any part of it.? Jesus Christ what a load of sanctimonious crap there is on this thread.

So the woman has chosen to wean her child younger than the recommended age. Big deal. Fwiw the recommended age for weaning was at 16 weeks when my ds was a baby, and was probably 16 weeks when all of us were babies. Are you all damaged then?

People do what they feel is best for them and their child, and that is really none of anyone else?s business. The age for weaning is a guideline, not a ?if you do this earlier you will damage your child, and I know plenty of children weaned (by mn standards) early that are not damaged.

There is research that suggests going back to work before babies are three is damaging to their social and emotional development. Does that mean I have the right to judge all of you who work? I think not.

I think only when you are a perfect parent can you judge others. And none of us are perfect.

PinkTulips · 15/10/2008 11:48

this baby isn't 16 weeks, he's far younger than that. i have fed 16/17 week old babies purree, i wouldn't feed a 3 month old. a month at that age is a monumental age gap.

carmenelectra · 15/10/2008 11:52

Like quint bascially said,either admit why you are not happy doing it(because baby is too young) or if you havent the bottle then stay out of it!

onthewarpath · 15/10/2008 11:52

Go whith your instinct. If everything in you is screaming DOOONT FEEEED THE CHIIIIIILD. then do not do it. The child will be hungry an a bit unhappy for a bit. The consequences if you do feed the baby might be bigger in the future.

Original poster
Freddysteddy · 15/10/2008 11:53

Staying out of it is exactly what I did by not feeding him

OP posts:
ScareyBitchFeast · 15/10/2008 11:53

its not baby - it is not your choice, it is not poison fgs.
unbelievable