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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being PFB and precious? Do I need a slap?

79 replies

kitbit · 08/10/2008 16:09

It's our anniversary this weekend. A friend has just rung about something unrelated and accidentally let the cat out of the bag that dh had asked them to have ds for a sleepover at the weekend. Well, um, ds has never slept anywhere else before, plus he's a tricky sleeper and v stuck to his routine, and although he's not clingy he's very attached to me at bedtime and gets really upset if I'm not there. (I went to aerobics the other night and although dh often does bedtime ds was still really upset that I'd gone out and was up, tired and tearstained when I got back...and this was at home with daddy.)

So, I'm v excited that dh is planning something lovely, and am a very lucky girl I know, I know, but I would have liked ds's first sleepover to be um....ok I'll say it... more under my control. God that sounds precious doesn't it.

Am I being really stupid? I'm a bit cross that I wasn't consulted as I probably would have said ds isn't ready as he can't get to sleep by himself. Without me. Oh God it's all about me isn't it.

Someone tell me whether I'm being stupid or whether I'm right to worry that I'll get a phonecall at 3am and hear ds in tears in the background I don't think I'll be able to relax and enjoy the evening

OP posts:
Turniphead1 · 08/10/2008 16:11

What age is your DS?

Does this friend have children?

armarda · 08/10/2008 16:11

How old is DS?

StewieGriffinsMom · 08/10/2008 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kitbit · 08/10/2008 16:12

ds is 3 and their little boy is 4 and lovely. They play together really well.

OP posts:
Jazzicatz · 08/10/2008 16:12

Go out and have fun. Your ds willbe fine I am sure. Children have this amazing ability to make us feel forever guilty, however in my expereince once faced with someone different who is not aware or emtionally charged to the little darlings rituals, they just get on with it!!!

Turniphead1 · 08/10/2008 16:12

Maybe he is 14???

kitbit · 08/10/2008 16:12

I'm stupid aren't I.

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 08/10/2008 16:13

3?

i think you may be being a bit pfb...

will you be far?

WorzselMummage · 08/10/2008 16:13

You are a bit silly if he's 3 !

Let him go and go out and enjoy yourself

Happy Anniversary btw

kitbit · 08/10/2008 16:15

I also don't want to go overboard and turn up with a trailer on the car loaded with all his favourite things in case he wants them in the night. Favourite duvet, bear, pj's, change of clothes, all his bath toys, etc plus a ringbound list of exactly how to do his bedtime step by step.

I'm a bit of a control freak when it comes to being over protective. How on earth am I going to relax that evening?? And I don't want to spoil it for dh who is clearly going to a lot of trouble and doesn't realise I know

OP posts:
FaintlyMacabre · 08/10/2008 16:15

How old is he?
If he's 9, then YABU.
If under 1, YANBU (IMO as mother of 11 month PFB).

Bettyboobird · 08/10/2008 16:15

Oh gosh I thought you were going to say he was a baby! My two (3 and 17 months) have stayed away LOADS of times- I'm a very laissez faire mother and know they will cope without me- and they do! Go out and enjoy yourself. Your ds will probably see it as an adventure!

lizziemun · 08/10/2008 16:15

I'm not sure whether you are your not. How old is your ds.

My 2 dd's first stayed at my mum's when they were about 8weeks but both are very good at going to sleep by them sevles for early on.

Turniphead1 · 08/10/2008 16:15

Yup. You are being PFB - but you know that. It's SO important to get some time together as a couple. Sorry to be harsh, but at 3 they know how to manipulate and when you were at aerobics, he was probably just expressing his discontent that you weren't with him, rather than any genuine need for you (IYSWIM).

Your relationship with DH needs as much nurturing as your child does. In the long run it benefits you all.

Big cyberslap. Go out and enjoy. Sounds like your DH has taken matters into his own hands because you might never...

kitbit · 08/10/2008 16:15

They live 10 miles away. We are in a remote village in Spain so I'm not used to leaving him with anyone as there isn't anyone to leave him with ifswim!

OP posts:
travellingwilbury · 08/10/2008 16:16

I am sure he will be fine and your dh has probably done it this way because he knew you would say no

Enjoy your night , it sounds like a lovely idea

kitbit · 08/10/2008 16:16

Turniphead I don't want to listen to you because I think you are right.

OP posts:
Bettyboobird · 08/10/2008 16:17

Also- favourite duvet? Really? How many does he have lol?!

Go and enjoy your anniversary. It is our first next month-we are all going to Disney, can't wait!!

sparklesandnowinefor3weeks · 08/10/2008 16:17

your DS will be fine

you are being a bit pfb i'm afraid , but nothing wrong with that really

go out enjoy the evening, your dp has obviously put a lot of effort into making it special for you so don't ruin it by getting grumpy with him or he might not bother again!

plus once you realise that your ds is ok having a sleepover, you won't feel guilty you'll be planning the next one....

Overmydeadbody · 08/10/2008 16:18

YABU!

He's three, he'll be fine, even if he does cry for a bit.

You are being way to pfb really, stop worrying and concentrate on how you're going to spend your anniversary with your DH!

kitbit · 08/10/2008 16:19

He only has one duvet BettyBooBird but it is the cuddly one he curls around in bed.

OP posts:
VineGARISHtits · 08/10/2008 16:21

He is 3! it will be good for him as well as you

kitbit · 08/10/2008 16:22

I think also I'm a bit panicky because all this current milarkey about the economy is a bit close to home for us and it's making me feel a bit like gathering my family up and hiding them all in a cavewoman mad overprotective manner. So to wave ds off to stay in someone else's cave is freaking me out slightly.

There you go. Now you all oficially know I'm off my rocker.

OP posts:
bozza · 08/10/2008 16:23

He will be fine. My DD is fine at sleepovers but wouldn't settle for DH the other night because i went to the cinema. She was cross with me for going out and enjoying myself.

littleducks · 08/10/2008 16:25

perhaps your dh is right he has organised this as a surprise so that you didnt spend all the time in the run up worrying about it and has taken matters into his own hands to make it easier for you

have a nice night

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