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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being PFB and precious? Do I need a slap?

79 replies

kitbit · 08/10/2008 16:09

It's our anniversary this weekend. A friend has just rung about something unrelated and accidentally let the cat out of the bag that dh had asked them to have ds for a sleepover at the weekend. Well, um, ds has never slept anywhere else before, plus he's a tricky sleeper and v stuck to his routine, and although he's not clingy he's very attached to me at bedtime and gets really upset if I'm not there. (I went to aerobics the other night and although dh often does bedtime ds was still really upset that I'd gone out and was up, tired and tearstained when I got back...and this was at home with daddy.)

So, I'm v excited that dh is planning something lovely, and am a very lucky girl I know, I know, but I would have liked ds's first sleepover to be um....ok I'll say it... more under my control. God that sounds precious doesn't it.

Am I being really stupid? I'm a bit cross that I wasn't consulted as I probably would have said ds isn't ready as he can't get to sleep by himself. Without me. Oh God it's all about me isn't it.

Someone tell me whether I'm being stupid or whether I'm right to worry that I'll get a phonecall at 3am and hear ds in tears in the background I don't think I'll be able to relax and enjoy the evening

OP posts:
Overmydeadbody · 08/10/2008 16:26

Good god woman get a grip! Or you'll end up like those controlling MILS who can't bear to loose control over their grown-up sons and are constantly fighting with their dils for the man's attention.

Original poster
kitbit · 08/10/2008 16:26

thank you kind ladies
will pretend I don't know
and will have a lovely time

OP posts:
Original poster
kitbit · 08/10/2008 16:26

oh GOD OMDB you're RIGHT

AARRGHHHHHHHHH
no no never never I swore that would never happen!
agh

OP posts:
sparklesandnowinefor3weeks · 08/10/2008 16:27

My DC do that all the time too Bozza

DP goes out more than me and often stays late at work and they don't see him one day to the next......nothing is said

i go out and its all 'mummy we'll miss you' 'why do you have to go out?' 'i don't want you to' etc etc - i just give them all a kiss and go

geraldinetheluckygoat · 08/10/2008 16:36

I think you are worrying a bit too much, but dont think its weird to worry about how he will settle if it's usually a bit of an issue for you. Agree with others, go out and enjoy yourself, and he WILL cope, I bet he will have a great time and feel Very Grown Up sleeping at his friends house! Also, imagine how great it will be if he settles fine, you will be able to get out with dh now and then YAYYYY!
I rekon taking own duvet, pj's and teddy is totally totally normal, and will make him feel safe. Own bath toys, maybe a step too far
have a brilliant time out!!

Turniphead1 · 08/10/2008 16:39

Now, the credit crunch as an excuse???! That's a good 'un

(no, I do know what you mean. we all feel a bit vulnerable at the moment)

Turniphead1 · 08/10/2008 16:41

Oh and Kit - please hand him over with his pj's, one main cuddly toy, toothbrush and a change of clothes. Do NOT stand there and give your friend a whole list of instructions about his likes/dislikes etc etc. She is more than capable of looking after him and presumably he can speak too!

If you do that he will pick up on nervousness etc. This will be great fun for him.

Original poster
kitbit · 08/10/2008 16:43

OK

OP posts:
finknottle · 08/10/2008 16:48

I can understand how you feel & tbh would have been the same with my s1 at that age.
Would now melt with joy if h (who is lovely) arranged st like that for me.
Sigh.
Enjoy it woman - you'll kick yourself if you fret all night and he has a great time, which he will.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 08/10/2008 16:55

Actuall, I'm looking forward to being a nightmare mil when/if my ds marries.

Dd and I will gang up on her dh.

Hee Hee

Have a great evening. I'm sure all will be fine.

more · 08/10/2008 16:57

Try to make it about your son going away for an adventure rather than about you going away leaving him.

When my children first began sleeping over and being babysat, they would be fine if it was them leaving me instead of me leaving them. If that makes any sense.

Hope you enjoy your night out.

mawbroon · 08/10/2008 16:58

Well, kit, if you are being pfb, then I am too. DS has never slept over without me and will be 3 in a fortnight's time.

I have got to the point where I am fine to go out for a few hours with dh but would not enjoy DS being away over night. My ds would probably love it but I wouldn't, it would spoil my night.

My dh knows the score that it will be me who decides when ds sleeps somewhere else and has said himself that he would find it very odd too not having ds around (even if he was just tucked up in bed).

Do what you think you will feel comfortable with.

Original poster
kitbit · 08/10/2008 17:13

Good point about it being his adventure. Trouble is I'm not supposed to know, so I can't prepare ds, and probably dh won't tell him beforehand as he knows he'll spill the beans. hm. I'll get around it somehow!

OP posts:
AbbeyA · 08/10/2008 17:16

Make it a fun trip for him, don't load him with your anxieties and he will have a lovely time. Go and enjoy yourself! Three years is not too young.

Umlellala · 08/10/2008 17:20

Hmm... I would definitely prep him first if he isn't used to going away.

He will in all liklihood wave you away without a second glance BUT he might be upset, he may well miss you and be a bit sad or lost... but this is OK . These are all emotions we have to learn how to manage - I can imagine you are sad a bit if dh isn't there but you cope... so it's OK for him to be a bit sad that you are not there, but he will learn to 'cope' eg friend will be there and he can play with them IYSWIM.

(There will be someone there to cuddle him whatever happens - even if it isn't you this time.)

Have a great time just the two of you!

bubblagirl · 08/10/2008 17:31

my ds is the same yet when stays else where an absolute angel have fun enjoy yourself

i think they do what they do because they know they can and us mummys are always a sucker for it we like comforting them and they love being comforted take advantage its one night if it doesnt work out you dont have to do it gain

but dont miss out on special time with dh have fun x

Original poster
kitbit · 13/10/2008 19:03

In case anyone was losing sleep wondering what happened......!

dh owned up on Friday evening because he said he couldn't just spring it on me and we needed to prepare ds I already had my happy smile and my "that would be lovely" ready to go, instead of my previous frown and "umm...well I'm not sure..." so that was good!

ds went off happy as larry on Saturday without a backwards glance. I managed not to pack the entire contents of his bedroom, and didn't give my friend an hour long diatribe of dos and don'ts, and I even managed not to care when he came back this morning grinning from ear to ear dressed in his pyjamas because yesterday's and today's changes of clothes were soaked through after a water fight. yay me! So all fine, and mummy learned to Chill Out A Little

However I did pull a muscle in my lower back while shagging in the shower. dammit.

OP posts:
SquiffyHock · 13/10/2008 19:08

You rock Kitbit!! So glad it went well for you - invite your friend's DS to stay at your house next and perhaps you can make it a regular thing

DesperateHousewifeToo · 13/10/2008 19:18

That's brilliant.

Glad for you all that it went well (apart from the pulled muscle

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 13/10/2008 19:22

great night had by all then!!!

nooOOOoonki · 13/10/2008 19:45

Ohh I never even thought about sleepovers yet, what an exciting thought... especially a shower!

BlueBumedFly · 13/10/2008 20:00

Now I am panicking, we are due to go to a wedding in january when DD will be 22 months and I am in a right state about leaving her for 24 hours with my mum (who is fab with her btw) I always do bed time... ahhhh, tell me its gonna be ok!?!?!?!?

spicemonster · 13/10/2008 20:05

Worst thing that will happen is that you will sustain a Sex-Related Injury which is just fine and counts as battle scars.

Your children will still love you in the morning, promise

LOL kitbit - this has been an ace thread

BlueBumedFly · 13/10/2008 20:09

OMG spicemonster you had SO hit the nail on the head, I worry about her hating me for leaving her.... I thought hormones were supposed to calm down after a year and a half!!! I am going to be 2 hours drive away and plan to drink - Oh for the love of mike I sound TOTALLY ridiculous!!

Go kitbit, good for you!!

Bloodystumperlicious · 13/10/2008 20:17

Glad it all went well kitbit. In fairness, I completely understood where you were coming from in the OP. Of course the first time you want to be a bit more in control. Just shows you kids are far more resilient than we give them credit for. I think we like to kid ourselves that we are indispensable

Great results, are you planning your next trip away yet?