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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being PFB and precious? Do I need a slap?

79 replies

kitbit · 08/10/2008 16:09

It's our anniversary this weekend. A friend has just rung about something unrelated and accidentally let the cat out of the bag that dh had asked them to have ds for a sleepover at the weekend. Well, um, ds has never slept anywhere else before, plus he's a tricky sleeper and v stuck to his routine, and although he's not clingy he's very attached to me at bedtime and gets really upset if I'm not there. (I went to aerobics the other night and although dh often does bedtime ds was still really upset that I'd gone out and was up, tired and tearstained when I got back...and this was at home with daddy.)

So, I'm v excited that dh is planning something lovely, and am a very lucky girl I know, I know, but I would have liked ds's first sleepover to be um....ok I'll say it... more under my control. God that sounds precious doesn't it.

Am I being really stupid? I'm a bit cross that I wasn't consulted as I probably would have said ds isn't ready as he can't get to sleep by himself. Without me. Oh God it's all about me isn't it.

Someone tell me whether I'm being stupid or whether I'm right to worry that I'll get a phonecall at 3am and hear ds in tears in the background I don't think I'll be able to relax and enjoy the evening

OP posts:
Lovesdogsandcats · 13/10/2008 20:19

god i cannot believe the amount of people saying pfb because he is 3!!No WAY would I have been happy about mine when they were 3 sleeping over at a friends. I think its too young, 3 is a baby still!

Blu · 13/10/2008 20:26

Oh well, LovesDogs - it seems this particular 3 yo - and many, many others, disagree with you!

3 yo - BABIES?? Young, yes, but often highly communicative, sociable, understand that Mummy will come back etc etc - why on earth is it too young?

AbbeyA · 13/10/2008 20:38

I am glad that it all went well. Mine stayed with grandparents without me long before they were three. They had a lovely time. As soon as they can talk and understand what is happening it is fine. It is very sad for grandparents if you are going to be totally possessive and think your DC can't cope without you for one night.

mytetherisending · 13/10/2008 21:21

Definately a little PFB. My dd1 2.10yo has had numerous sleepovers at her friends, and my friends when I had dd2 without any problems. He will be fine! If he is upset he will be comforted, once you have left he will have a whale of a time!

Original poster
kitbit · 13/10/2008 21:23

!! Thanks for all the reality checks, slaps and wise words, lovely ladies. What would I (and ds!) do without you?

I'm off to hobble upstairs to check on my independent boy before I lower myself gently into bed! No extra curricular activities for me tonight, bah!

OP posts:
mytetherisending · 13/10/2008 21:25

3yo is a baby There are children who are slow to develop with speech and understanding etc, but normally at 3yo they are fairly articulate, sociable and thoroughly like doing something exciting. Why would anyone want to stifle their children like that- its called developing independence from you, 1 yr later!they start school.

Original poster
kitbit · 13/10/2008 21:26

oh, forgot to add, apparently my lovely friend sat with both boys until they fell asleep (shh! no you shh! no, you! shh! ) and gently stroked their foreheads until they dropped off.

OP posts:
exasperatedmummy · 13/10/2008 21:28

at the night out, at the independent wee lad, at the shag in the shower

geraldinetheluckygoat · 13/10/2008 21:36

ahhh, what a nice friend you have, and so glad you had a good time! yay , now you can go out for more nights out and sustain more sex related injuries

Lovesdogsandcats · 15/10/2008 22:20

Glad it went ok

maybe I saw it as being too young to be sleeping out, as my 2 wouldn't sleep properly in their own home, never mind someone elses!

I suppose 3 is ok if the child is happy with it, thats the key.

MadBadandWieldingAnAxe · 15/10/2008 22:35

Ah. This thread has made me feel all warm and smiley. So glad it turned out well (even the sex-related injury seems like a small price to pay for ds's lovely adventure and the anniversary celebration!)

rowanmac · 16/10/2008 06:42

I'm sitting in hospital waiting to have baby and you've made me LOL, thanks. DS also 3 and v much PFB does the human limpet thing really well and then stops within 5 mins of me leaving. Still hard but over time has learned that I always come back when I say. Sounds like I should be using my time away more imaginatively though. Actually maybe a shag in the shower might shift this one!

ghosty · 16/10/2008 06:53

Lovely thread
You are a lovely MNer Kitbit. I laughed out loud and said, "Wahay!" at the pulled muscle/shower shag and DS just asked what was so funny

nappyaddict · 25/11/2008 15:07

Did it have a tray? If so I think YABU. DS' highchair didn't come with a harness so even from when he started sitting we have never used one but it did have a tray so he couldn't fall out. DS has managed with an adult chair from 17/18 months.

MadameCastafiore · 25/11/2008 15:11

It's one night. What is the worst thing that could happen?

WifeandMotherof4 · 25/11/2008 15:20

Oh dear, I disagree. Depending on where the night out is I would worry about a first night away unless with a GP, I know my children would have really missed me. They are really confident and independent but three years to stay soemwhere for the first time is a really big deal.

WifeandMotherof4 · 25/11/2008 15:21

oops, didn't read on.

claw3 · 25/11/2008 15:33

Kitbit - My ds is 4 and he has NEVER had a sleepover at someone elses house, because im a overprotective freak!! I was the same with ds 15 and 12, until they were old enough to ask anyhow. All babysitting is at my house.

Anyhow, i would say as long as another kid is there, he wont even notice that you have gone!

mumof2222222222222222boys · 25/11/2008 15:52

Mine haven't had an official sleepover (but someone please invite them!!!) but I think they'd be fine. It is when I and/or DH are around that they play up...when the au pair is dealing with them on her own, they are very well behaved.

Last weekend we all stayed with some friends who have children the same age. My DS (4) was fine - their DD (4) had a complete paddy "I WANT TO SLEEP WITH J" It will be fun in the future

SoMuchToBits · 25/11/2008 16:04

You will all think I'm really, really pfb with my ds then - he went for his first sleepover last week (with the Beavers) and he is nearly 8!

Tbh, it has never arisen before, because most of his close friends of that age don't seem to have sleepovers. If he had been asked, I would probably have let him go at a younger age, though not sure about 3, unless it had been with family (grandparents, aunts etc).

LittleOneMum · 25/11/2008 17:01

Kitbit

I don't think you are BU... controversially.

Each to their own! Goodness me. I think he'll be fine. Am more worried about you. If you won't enjoy the evening then there's no point is there?

Having said that, I guess there is the argument that you need to start making him let go, but he's only 3 for goodness sake and it's not like he's 35 and still needs to sleep at home. So what if you're being PFB? He is your PFB. I don't find this shocking. All too soon he won't need you as much and you can go out as much as you like.

x

LittleOneMum · 25/11/2008 17:02

Ah, it's all over, sorry!

lupo · 25/11/2008 18:02

I disagree, i think 3 is a baby still, its 3 not 13 fgs. DS 4 and a half and i will only let him stay with my parents, i think they still want familiar surroundings at that age

FairLadyRantALot · 25/11/2008 18:08

I can understand you feeling the way you do....but, I am hoping you are going to go for it, because it will be brilliant.
He will be fine, especially if he knows the people well and he is playing good with their Kid....he will have a right adventure.

However, you know you child best, so, in the end only you can make that decision and of course...if you are going to be really stressed out and only think about him and how he is doing, it might be arguable just how much fun you will have, iykwim...

FairLadyRantALot · 25/11/2008 18:09

ooops, didn't realise that this was an oldish thread....sorry...