dd was found in the street by a passer by this morning

[totalmisfit]

She had escaped from nursery. I am actually feeling a panic attack coming on as i write this so i'll try to convey what I have been told happened.

At around 11.30 she was sitting on the knee of a staff member. At that point it was time for the older 'nursery proper' (as opposed to the daycare section which she is a part of, as she's only 2.6) children to go home. Mothers arrived and somehow in the hubbub dd managed to get passed the nursery nurse who was on the door,down the steps, out of a disabled access (push button) door, through the car-park, out of the gate and into the street.

At around 11.40 she was found by two passers by (a man and a woman) who asked another passer by if she was her child. She said no, so the woman in the couple took dd into a local shop to see if she had escaped from there. When she was told 'no' she took her back to the car and phoned the police. After doing this she took her to the nursery.

I arrived at 11.50 (due to pick her up at 12 but arrived early). The woman who found her was talking very angrily to the nursery staff as i walked in, but at this stage i didn't know who she was or what had happened. One of the members of staff said 'X is over there' pointing to the wendy house. I looked inside and saw dd's hair was wet. I commented on this and it was only then that the nursery manager told me what had happened.

We were then joined by the woman who had found dd who told me how she had found her and what she had done. She advised the police were on their way. Nursery manager very apologetic, made me a cup of tea. I just felt utterly numb, I couldn't really react. I still can't believe this has happened.

The police arrived at about 12.10 and nursery manager and I went into a separate room to talk to them. They took some details from me, our names and addresses and asked nursery manager what had happened. They said they were just glad she had been found and didn't consider it a criminal investigation and that it was now up to the nursery to conduct their own internal investigation. I said 'well do you have the name of the people who found her' because the woman i had met had left by this point. and they were a bit taken aback by this and said 'well no. do you have it?' to the manager. She said no. They then radioed to get the name and address although they said they couldn't give it to me.

I said i didn't want it anyway, i just wanted to make sure they had it for their records.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense, i'm having trouble keeping it together right now. I still can't believe this happened and needed to share it. Hopefully lessons can be learned from this.

Part of me is just so thankful nothing worse happened and that she's safe at home. But then another part of me thinks 'what the fuck? why are you thankful? this should never have happened in the first place'

OK, in the nicest possible way then, and totally understandably 'I think you are worrying unnecessarily' about the couple who found your daughter.

They did try and find out who she belonged to, they did call the police. Maybe they put her in the car cause it was raining? It would not have occured to me immediately, had I found a child alone outside a nursery that that is where they had come from cause frankly that ain't supposed to happen (tho after this thread maybe I'll re-think that).

If they wanted to do her harm (to be blunt) well they could have just driven off with her, couldn't they?

I think the incident alone would be enough to scare your dd without any evil intent iyswim?

Police maybe haven't taken details cause they haven't done anything wrong - they found her and acted responsibly. I do think its a bit sad that they are becoming the bad guys in all this, to you at least. Wonder how many people would have chosen not to get involved in case they were suspected of abduction (despair for society emoticon).

Really sorry for what you've been through

Is it the nursey of the school she will be going to?

Try not to worry what was the time she was lost, if it was minutes the probability of anything untoward is very low especially as they were on the street. And tbh in those kind of circumstances they were probably as confused as your dd, i mean how often do we find lost lo, totally alone on a normal suburban street.

I thibk the lady was quite rightly annoyed vented her anger then after shock realised, oh this isnt my dd I cant carry on like that when the mother is around. She probably slipped away quietly, so you could get on with it. Send her a gift of flowers and start communication if you have questions, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

And hence... why people don't get involved and help these days.

totalmisfit I think it is in most us as mothers to question ourselves constantly as to whether we are doing enough for our children.
And as to whether we have protected them enough, and are we missing anything etc etc.

I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to react this way, and no-one should make you feel guilty for that. Especially as your daughter said some things that made you wonder what you should do next.

As it was just a few minutes, I would think maybe the lady popped her in the car in case she ran away, or in to traffic, or to protect her from the rain, or who knows really, but it was a short time and it's likely nothing happened. But as I said before it's natural to question it because if you don't protect your child who will?

She's also probably picking up on your stress and maybe said those things as a result.

I really think (IMVHO) you should relax, and if you do get to thank the lady in person at some point your instincts should tell you if she's a good samaritan or not. But in the meantime, don't let paranoia overtake you. You're just trying to be a good mum. And you are.

x

omg !!
that is awful .

if that was 1 of my daughters i wouldn't be taken them back there.

I feel so sorry for you i'm glad your daughter is ok

OMG Totalmisfit. I felt sick reading your post. Thank god your dd was found safe and well. It could all have been very different. Agree with OneLieIn and others about reporting to OFSTED. The nursery's negligence is utterly disgraceful, and shows they can't be trusted with yours (or anyone else's) children. I also agree that you need to follow it up to find out from them how they're going to avoid this happening in the future. They need to have proper procedures in place. Hope you get your childcare arrangements sorted out soon if you're not taking her back there. I think I'd feel the same. Good luck.

Bloody hell, misfit, that is shocking. Poor both of you.

I am at the witch hunt culture of name and shame/take dd out of there/close them down attitude.
It is unacceptable, but unfortunately due to nursery staff being human and of the lower pay band, so often young and inexperienced, these things can happen. At 2.5y they are inquisitive and are small enough to escape in a split second. I dare say it was a cascade of events that led to her getting out of the garden, parents leaving gates open when leaving with their children is one issue that needs addressing. Your dd certainly won't have opened the gate herself

Would you really remove the child from somewhere she is obviously settled and happy, forcing her to make all new friends due to one mistake- I don't see that as being in a childs interests myself.

I agree that OFSTED should be informed- I also have no doubt that the nursery staff would have voluntarily contacted OFSTED after the incident, that is a required standard. All serious incidents have to be reported whether you are a nursery or CM (as I am).

Security is everones business, not just the nursery. If I drop of dd1 to nursery I check which child is with who as I am leaving, when a child is by the gate. I close the gate behind me.

Parents are the worst offenders for leaving gates open - saw it again and again at ds's old nursery. Fortunately the children were always inside by pick up time, and there were gates in between the garden and the external gate, but still, you'd think people would have more sense.

Doesn't excuse the nursery in this case, though.

No way would my child be going back there.

totalmisfit, in your shoes no way would i take my child back there and i would make an official complaint. i would also be worrying about the people who found her, though probably without grounds. I would ask the police if you could meet them to thank them, they must have their details. And if you went to the papers they might come forward. Just remember your dd is safe, and that is the main thing, though i understand your fears.

Oh my god. I cannot believe that that happened.

If I was you I would change nurseries, contact your local papers and OFSTED.

You are so lucky that your lo is safe with you now xx

If the nursery has a good reputation you can rest assured that the relevant action will be taken to ensure it doesn't happen again, as their reputation is at stake as well as the childrens well being. Without good reputation they will go bankrupt so no nursery will do nothing following this type of incident.

A tamer version of these events happened at dd1s nursery a few weeks ago. A little boy who I assumed was with his mum was in the garden playing, I was the first person in to collect and had shut the gate behind me so he couldn't get out and the gate was closed with a high bolt when I arrived. A few minutes later a lady said 'what are you doing out here x? You should be inside'. He had not been counted back in at play time which had finished 5mins before I arrived.
They had just counted as I went in to collect and realised he hadn't come in.
The nursery manager was close to tears while apologising profusely when she phoned me later to reassure me that new measures were now in place to prevent it ever happening again. The problem here was that due to postings there had been 3 new staff following the summer holidays who were inexperienced and had forgotten to do the head count. They had been in post just a week. The manager was the only experienced member of staff there that day.

are you sure there are no other playschools/nurseries/montessoris in the area?

i'm sure there must be as the area you describe sounds alot more built up than our extraordinarily rural almost a village and yet we have 2 playschools within a 3 mile radius, 4 within 5 miles. you'd only know about some of them from talking to people though as they're not on the beaten track and quite small and not advertised.

as for the previous nursery... there's no way i'd let my child go back there, not because she got out (although i would have had serious words and it wuld have shaken my confidance) but because they didn't tell you immediatly and because they didn't miss her.

as for the couple who found her, she wasn't gone long enough to have had any harm come to her and if they had done anything even remotely sinister they certainly would not have brought her back.

perhaps the woman was already late for something urgent as she's been dealing with the situation with your dd and presumed the police would ring her if they needed more details?

Oh god poor u and poor DD. She must have been so scared!

That is a bloody disgrace that nursery let this happen!!!

Contact OFSTED and put in an official complaint this can't be allowed to happen again!

I hope you are all okay, my DS is the sam age and I dread to think how I would feel if this was me.

Thankk goodness it's all worked out okay though .

I've only jsut seen this and I hope that you are all okay today. Take it easy this weekend and enjoy lots of snuggles. My DD is 2.4 and my blood runs cold when I imagine something like this happening to her.

So scary! But thank goodness for the man and lady who found her.
Too many people walk on by these days and they had good sense to actually stop and ask.
They should be thanked in your local paper.
My DD2 aged 3 one day decided to make a dash accross the car park to see her friend, just as a van was pulling in (quite fast) and i just did not react in time as she had been holding onto the shopping trolley and this ANGEL of a woman just ran accross the car park and picked her up out of the way of the van.
I could not thank her enough! And when i got in the car i just cried with relief and also in shock at what could have happened.
Just think of the people who found your daughter as angels sent to help her

glad shes ok!
my child would not be returning whether theres any other nurseries in area or not.

i wouldn't read any sinister motives into couple who found your ds. they acted responsibly

i found a toddler in a shopping centre,took her to staff, didnt leave my details.dodn think to.no one asked me

your dd is unable to differentiate between good Samaritan act and the complexities of being lost, in a strange car and disoriented

she cannot process all that info, getting lost,found by strangers, taken back. its a lot to process and take in with a limited vocabulary and toddler cognition it will have been scary, not necessarily they were scary. the event was though

i feel for you, this is terrible

Jesus Christ. How terrifying is that? TG all ok. I would be shitting myself if I was the nursery owner though. Absolutely SHOULD NOT have happened.

It will take you a few days to get yourself together and get sorted.

Ditto with Scottish Mummy - if I found a 2yr old in the street, part of me would be worried for her, and part of me would be worried to lose her again - maybe it was just a safe 'containment' issue so they didn't have to cart a distressed lost little girl from pillar to post while verifying what best to do.

DD is maybe scared because of the very fact she was lost, in a strange car, and this couple are the 'face' she's putting to this experience?

How awful for you though, 'what if' factor can bring you out in a cold sweat - I hope the nursery take it as a monumental shot across the bows and sharpen up on their duty of care.

totalmisfit, You can always take your baby to the doctor to be examined. They can tell if anything (ANYTHING) happened to her. You should probably do that because you don't know if she might have fallen or bumped herself anyway before her being found.
I think she may be getting her cues from you...you are fretting still and babies always pick up the nerves from their mothers...they get that connected to you.
Her having a nightmare is normal as that is her way of venting.
I really don't think you have anything to worry about other than the same happening again if the nursery doesn't follow through with more safety practices.
I'm so glad your baby is okay...but at her age this is going to be more tramatizing to you than her.

Ah, Tori, finally somewhere we agree.

I think that though it's scary as hell (I actually broke down in the head's office and felt physically sick) taking her out is not necessary.

TM,how are you?are you coping any better?are you managing to sleep?dont push yourself too hard be ok with this too soon

takes as long as it takes

how is DD