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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

dd was found in the street by a passer by this morning

137 replies

totalmisfit · 03/10/2008 14:23

She had escaped from nursery. I am actually feeling a panic attack coming on as i write this so i'll try to convey what I have been told happened.

At around 11.30 she was sitting on the knee of a staff member. At that point it was time for the older 'nursery proper' (as opposed to the daycare section which she is a part of, as she's only 2.6) children to go home. Mothers arrived and somehow in the hubbub dd managed to get passed the nursery nurse who was on the door,down the steps, out of a disabled access (push button) door, through the car-park, out of the gate and into the street.

At around 11.40 she was found by two passers by (a man and a woman) who asked another passer by if she was her child. She said no, so the woman in the couple took dd into a local shop to see if she had escaped from there. When she was told 'no' she took her back to the car and phoned the police. After doing this she took her to the nursery.

I arrived at 11.50 (due to pick her up at 12 but arrived early). The woman who found her was talking very angrily to the nursery staff as i walked in, but at this stage i didn't know who she was or what had happened. One of the members of staff said 'X is over there' pointing to the wendy house. I looked inside and saw dd's hair was wet. I commented on this and it was only then that the nursery manager told me what had happened.

We were then joined by the woman who had found dd who told me how she had found her and what she had done. She advised the police were on their way. Nursery manager very apologetic, made me a cup of tea. I just felt utterly numb, I couldn't really react. I still can't believe this has happened.

The police arrived at about 12.10 and nursery manager and I went into a separate room to talk to them. They took some details from me, our names and addresses and asked nursery manager what had happened. They said they were just glad she had been found and didn't consider it a criminal investigation and that it was now up to the nursery to conduct their own internal investigation. I said 'well do you have the name of the people who found her' because the woman i had met had left by this point. and they were a bit taken aback by this and said 'well no. do you have it?' to the manager. She said no. They then radioed to get the name and address although they said they couldn't give it to me.

I said i didn't want it anyway, i just wanted to make sure they had it for their records.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense, i'm having trouble keeping it together right now. I still can't believe this happened and needed to share it. Hopefully lessons can be learned from this.

Part of me is just so thankful nothing worse happened and that she's safe at home. But then another part of me thinks 'what the fuck? why are you thankful? this should never have happened in the first place'

OP posts:

clarinsgirl · 03/10/2008 14:38

How dreadful for you

You really need to report this to OFSTED. They will show all complaints on their reports which will ensure that other parents will understand the problem you had.

This is the most fundamental duty of the nursery and they failed - no excuses.

Try not to distress yourself with what could have been, you'll drive yourself mad.

zazen · 03/10/2008 14:39

My goodness totalmissfit, big big hugs to you.
what a rollercoaster of emotions - from thankful to anger to incomprehension that this terrible thing has happened, even though, by some amazing chance it's all turned out well.

I have no idea how to advise you, but I do know that this kind of thing happens. that doesn't excuse any one in the nursery.

If I was you I'd just hold my DD as much as I could today. Blimey. It will take a lot of courage for you to bring her to the nursery tomorrow, and I think you will need to have a meeting to try and understand how this happened.

I'll be thinking of you FWIW, and sending you my best wishes. Arnica is good for shock. Big hugs your way.

HairyToe · 03/10/2008 14:40

I would contact Ofsted (is that the correct body to deal with nursery security) to ask for advice. I'd hate to recommend a 'wtich-hunt' on the nursery but if my child went there I'd want to know that this had happened and what was being done to ensure it could never happen again. The nursery should arrange a meeting with parents to let them know what has happened.

I know what you mean though regardless of any of this I would struggle to send my child back there. I really feel for you as my blood is running cold just thinking about it.

At our nursery each room has its own door and I suppose it is conceivable that a child could potentially slip through the melee. They would only make it into the hallway though. The front door is manned by a memeber of staff and is locked and unlocked between each set of people leaving - it is not held open. The staff member then says goodbye to each parent/child as they leave. I;m pretty sure annother child couldn;t leave.

You are not overreacting it is a huge problem which need some serious measures from the nursery.

RubySlippers · 03/10/2008 14:41

that is terrible

i can't add anything to what the others posters have already said

what a terrible shock for you

hope you and your DD are ok

Original poster

totalmisfit · 03/10/2008 14:41

she's ok thank god. Seems unnaffected by the whole thing.

The police did say to sit down with her and just try talking her through it, just to make sure that all is as it seems... but how much sense can be got out of a 2 and a half year old is anyone's guess.

dp has rushed home from work and has just given the headteacher and nursery manager a piece of his mind over the phone.

OP posts:

AuntieMaggie · 03/10/2008 14:42

I would report it to ofsted if only to ensure that they do put proper measures in place and to have peace of mind.

Thank goodness for the people who found her and bothered to do something about it.

This is unforgivable. I wouldn't even know where to begin with this.

I hope you and DD are ok.

Cocolepew · 03/10/2008 14:42

What a shock for you, but can I ask why you didn't want the name and address of the couple who 'rescued' her? Would you not like to get in touch and thank them, you were luky they even bothered to find out who your DD belonged too.

If you have already thanked them at the nursery, I apologise.

foxinsocks · 03/10/2008 14:43

would ask the police to forward a letter to the person who found her thanking them for dropping her off safely and also letting them know the nursery are investigating it (because if you'd found a child in that situation, you'd want to know that something was being done I think!).

poor you, what an awful shock. Hope dd ok too!

duchesse · 03/10/2008 14:43

Also, I'm sure you have already, but if you can get her to say why she wanted to get out, it might help you all to understand how to deal with it. For instance, if she says she wanted to go for a walk, maybe they could introduce more exercise; if she says she wanted you, maybe she is run down at the moment and they need to be certain to give the children extra attention at that time (and if she was on someone's lap 10 mins before leaving, I'm thinking this is the most likely option). She may have thought that the commotion meant that it was going home time for her and came out to find you.

MmeLindt · 03/10/2008 14:43

Did the nursery actually notice that she was missing before the woman brought your DD back?

Tbh, I don't know if any nursery could absolutely guarantee that a child could not slip out unseen. And I think that part of the blame should also be put on the other parents. When I used to pick up my DCs from kindergarten we all watched out to make sure that no unaccompanied child wandered out. We did not have a staff member on the door.

I can understand your shock and anger, but the reaction of the nursery seems to be good. They were obviously very shocked that your DD could wander off and are putting new measures into place to prevent it happening again.

Is your DD happy there? Are you happy with the nursery otherwise?

Original poster

totalmisfit · 03/10/2008 14:44

hairytoe- as for Ofsted... they have already contacted them thank god so that's one less thing for me to consider.

The problem is, in our town there is only one nursery. We don't drive so to get to one of the other towns/villages would be pretty hard. That said, i don't want to keep her there just because there's nowhere else to go.

OP posts:

RubySlippers · 03/10/2008 14:44

she will probably bounce back much more quickly than you TM ...

LynetteScavo · 03/10/2008 14:49

totalmisfit - that is awful. Sending you huge hugs and a cup of tea.

Definately inform ofsted, and write to the owners of the nursery.

It should have been impossible for this to happen. You trusted them with what is most precious to you and they let you down.

Original poster

totalmisfit · 03/10/2008 14:50

Cocolepew - i did thank the woman before she disappeared. I am of course more grateful than it's possible to articulate via the written word. hard to put across over the net.

duchesse - she told the couple who brought her back that she was looking for me, and that i'd gone shopping and she kept going on about her pink wellies.

mmelindt - that's what's been nagging at the back of my mind - the manager kept saying 'but we did head counts' so it looks as though they weren't aware she wasn't there. That's the worst part (if that's possible)

OP posts:

Cocolepew · 03/10/2008 14:53

Ok sorry, I know you must have been in terrible shock.

Have a Brandy on me.

cat64 · 03/10/2008 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Chocolateteapot · 03/10/2008 14:59

Totalmisfit, I am so sorry this has happened. My DS ended up in the road outside nursery on the first (and only day) there and I know how truly awful it feels.

My huge regret about DS's incident is that I didn't inform Ofsted at the time as it appears that something similar happened to another child after DS and it had happened before him.

The Nursery were hugely apologetic about the whole incident and reviewed their security procedures, however I felt there was no way I could let him go back as my Dad & MIL had just been diagnosed with Cancer and I needed DS to be somewhere that I had total confidence with. He moved to another nursery which was brilliant and spent over two happy years there. He was completely oblivious about the whole thing, it was me who found it hard to deal with at the time. Take good care of yourself this weekend, a bit of pampering is definitely in order.

wotulookinat · 03/10/2008 15:02

Thank God nothing happened and that she was found so soon.
I can understand you not wanting to send her back their - but think about that a bit more.
Telling OfSTED might be a good idea - not to get the nursery into trouble necessarily, but it will also show how the nursery reacted to it and what new meaures they put in place as a result of what happened.
I'm so glad for you that she is ok.

trumpetgirl · 03/10/2008 15:07

OMG! I thought it was bad when I found out DD was locked in the garden for half an hour, until they discovered her screaming and knocking on the door! (It was more annoying that they were laughing about it as if it was just 'one of those things' )

littlelapin · 03/10/2008 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OMaLittle · 03/10/2008 15:14

That is horrific, shivers down spine and massive hugs to you. Thank god she is OK. I think you can be sure there's no way it will happen again but you do need to insist on a meeting with all parents, new guidelines etc. just so they know how serious it is. If you are thinking of keeping her there I would talk to them before going to Ofsted.

Agree it is inconceivable how other parents could let an unaccompanied 2.6 year old come past them, though obviously I am only visualising our nursery here and your entrance could be a lot more confusing.

I would go with your instinct on whether to keep her there or not.

Have a big drink!

debzmb62 · 03/10/2008 15:14

i to would contact OFSTED i really pleased you little one is safe and well thank god for that couple eh also there's no way i,d take my child back there thats for sure and yes people would know about it to !! i would contact the press !

georgimama · 03/10/2008 15:17

Complaint to Ofsted is a must, that way it will go on their report and stay there for three (?) years (until inspection after next anyway) for all to see.

My DS's nursery has an electronic swipe card to get in and out, if you don't have a swipe you have to buzz entryphone. Fire doors are alarmed. Same in other nurseries we looked at. I am amazed that this isn;t the case everywhere.

Personally I could not trust them after that but that is for you to decide.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 03/10/2008 15:18

OfSTED must be contacted by the Nursery as this was a major incident.

You should ring OfSTED as well.

What a terrible terrible thing to have happened, and thank god no harm came to DD.

georgimama · 03/10/2008 15:20

If there are no other nurseries near you have you considered a childminder? I am in the process of switching to one (not because of anything as serious as this). If you cannot trust people to look after your child properly, then perhaps it is time to make other arrangements, the fact that they thought they had done a proper head count is almost worse in a way.....

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