dd was found in the street by a passer by this morning

[totalmisfit]

She had escaped from nursery. I am actually feeling a panic attack coming on as i write this so i'll try to convey what I have been told happened.

At around 11.30 she was sitting on the knee of a staff member. At that point it was time for the older 'nursery proper' (as opposed to the daycare section which she is a part of, as she's only 2.6) children to go home. Mothers arrived and somehow in the hubbub dd managed to get passed the nursery nurse who was on the door,down the steps, out of a disabled access (push button) door, through the car-park, out of the gate and into the street.

At around 11.40 she was found by two passers by (a man and a woman) who asked another passer by if she was her child. She said no, so the woman in the couple took dd into a local shop to see if she had escaped from there. When she was told 'no' she took her back to the car and phoned the police. After doing this she took her to the nursery.

I arrived at 11.50 (due to pick her up at 12 but arrived early). The woman who found her was talking very angrily to the nursery staff as i walked in, but at this stage i didn't know who she was or what had happened. One of the members of staff said 'X is over there' pointing to the wendy house. I looked inside and saw dd's hair was wet. I commented on this and it was only then that the nursery manager told me what had happened.

We were then joined by the woman who had found dd who told me how she had found her and what she had done. She advised the police were on their way. Nursery manager very apologetic, made me a cup of tea. I just felt utterly numb, I couldn't really react. I still can't believe this has happened.

The police arrived at about 12.10 and nursery manager and I went into a separate room to talk to them. They took some details from me, our names and addresses and asked nursery manager what had happened. They said they were just glad she had been found and didn't consider it a criminal investigation and that it was now up to the nursery to conduct their own internal investigation. I said 'well do you have the name of the people who found her' because the woman i had met had left by this point. and they were a bit taken aback by this and said 'well no. do you have it?' to the manager. She said no. They then radioed to get the name and address although they said they couldn't give it to me.

I said i didn't want it anyway, i just wanted to make sure they had it for their records.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense, i'm having trouble keeping it together right now. I still can't believe this happened and needed to share it. Hopefully lessons can be learned from this.

Part of me is just so thankful nothing worse happened and that she's safe at home. But then another part of me thinks 'what the fuck? why are you thankful? this should never have happened in the first place'

I know this isn't the same but a couple of years ago I found a little boy about 18 months old wandering around our street in the middle of the road at about 7.30 at night in the winter when it was dark.

He couldn't talk so couldn't tell me where he lived. So I knocked all the doors on our street and luckily one was his house.

The thing I found strange was that his parents barely thanked me. I see them quite often now, it must have been a terrible shock to them as anything could have happened.

I feel really sorry for you about what happened, I would probably remove her from the nursery, report them to ofsted and find another nursery and obviously tell them what happened. Incidentally, I found out about 6 months after my son stopped with his childminder that she left him alone in the house when he was 4 with her 4 year old and 2 year old. I didn't report her as 6 months had gone by and I felt noone would do anything. But think I should have done.

So sorry to hear of your ordeal. There is no way that this should have been able to happen!!!!
WEll done for reporting it to ofsted, so many other may not have done. Lets hope it doesnt happen to anyone else's child altohugh it definately shouldnt of happened in the first place.

I personally dont think I would be able to send my child back there if it was me but good luck with whatever decision you make.

totalmisfit i feel your pain,everyone worst nightmare.you must be on a rollercoaster of emotion

my thraot tighened with lump raedng it. i also have lo in nursery and it is an absolute given they are safe.

none of this is your fault.nursery screwed up bigtime

glad you reporting to ofsted,they record and note can initiate a visit too

how very very fortunate the actions of the lady who found her.amamzig she was calm and collected did the right thing

do take care,try not ruminate on "what if" for too long (naturally you will to run some scenario through your head)

that is such a horrible experience....before sending your child to that nursery again, I would ensure they changed what they are doing at pick up time, because it wasn't the perfect system, obviously,...

There is no excuse for this.

At dd's former nursery the garden is gated off and locked. The upper level garden is locked and no matter what time you show up, in addition to the staff looking after the kids, there will be a member of staff standing at the gate. She lets you in and locks it behind you straight away.

The nursery itself has a camera system and noone is going in there unless a member of staff recognises them. They operate a password system for anyone not known to them who may be collecting a child.

If parents come in and start chatting, the door is locked behind them immediately and the member of staff on the door does not move from it.

How awful for you

shybaby, now tha sounds a bit extreme, like a lock up in a prison or mental health unit, tbh...
don't think it has to be that extreme....but possibly would help to only let experienced staff man the door, and stuaff that knows parents and kids wel enough...

lol! no its a very friendly atmosphere. But they dont take any chances. Looking back at my description it came across a bit institutional but its a lovely place!

oh no, how terrible for you.
I found a lady girl today, she was sitting in the stones ion the garden just outside school gates, she was about 14 months! People walked past her, she was eating pebbles
I picked her up and a teacher came out too, but found someone else was meant to be watching her, but her sister (babies sister) had asked lady if she could play with her, and so the poor girl, aged about 7yrs got yelled out for not watching

I hope your ok, and that your LO isnt too upset by it all. Terrible thing, but did they even know she was missing??

There is one line you wrote which is really worrying me.

One of the members of staff said 'X is over there' pointing to the wendy house. I looked inside and saw dd's hair was wet. I commented on this and it was only then that the nursery manager told me what had happened.

Maybe I am wrong (and I hope I am) but would they have told you, if you had not of commented on X's wet hair. I am not suprised you are in shock. This is the stuff of nightmares, have a nice big drink and a hot bath.

This is terrible - child neglect

I'm so glad your DD is okay. She won't remember this so you should record it somewhere. It's guaranteed that at some point something like this will happen again. She's so clever for her age.
I had something similar happen to mine and then again later. It's on the bright side that this happened close to time of pickup and not right after dropoff as they may not have missed her for a long while.
Her safety is a happy ending to several chance coincidences. You don't know how many people actually saw her and didn't do anything. If it wasn't for that couple to step in and take some responsibility you don't really know what would have happened.
Your nursery may have had this happen and not said a word to any of the other parents too. You just don't know. I hope they follow through with all these plans to make it safer and step up supervision of the children.
Sit down and take a deep breath...this is a shock to your system and you really need to keep it together. Do what you can to make sure it doesn't happen again...to yours or someone elses.
BTW, when I would take my children to anywhere they were in a crowd or could possibly get lost...I would write a little note and put it in their pocket. Call me paranoid but if they were found they would have a chance of finding me or getting somewhere to start to get them back. If they didn't get lost then no one was the wiser.

that is awful.

my DS's nursery takes all of the non LEA children into a separate room just before parents come to pick up the rest of them - then there's absolutely no chance of any of them getting out in the general rush of parents.

ds1 is a complete escape artist, to the extent that dh and I take it in turns to keep an eye on him all the time when we are out - even when other people's children can be relied on to stay within a building, he disappears...
However, nursery is the one place he has not so far escaped from. The only unlocked door has a rape alarm across the handles so he can't sneak quietly out (he has tried and been unpleasantly surprised by the consequences, it is very loud).
That is what I would expect from nursery - to feel he is safe while he is there.
Hope your nursery can set things in place so that you feel secure with your lo.

Good god It is all about confidence though isn't it.
My friends child is an escapee and I know it isn't easy. but a nursery?

Oh my God you must be devastated. Your dd is so lucky a good person found her and took the time to help her, some wouldnt!

i wandered of when i was 2.5yrs went looking for my daddy, in just my bikini and a teddy bear! A chap found me and took me to the police station, I had escaped the garden.

So sorry you have had such a crappy day, but at the same time it was a great day, your dd is safe and well, god knows some arent as lucky.

You're lucky you found out what happened. My friend works in a childcare centre and she told me one of their two year olds had escaped. They didn't realise she was missing (or know how long she had been missing for) until a neighbour returned her. Then when her mother picked her up at the end of the day her older sister started to tell the mother that the little girl had run away but was shushed by the staff and told she was being silly.

And then my friend tells me she can't understand why I am anxious about childcare .

Thank God for kind people like that lady that brought her back. Unfortunately these days people are scared of helping incase they are accused of something.

I would never bring my child back to that nursery, they didn't notice for over 10 minutes that she was missing, they are not caring for those children well enough.

Right -I have woken up this morning after not a lot of sleep - to the sound of dd shouting 'I'm scared of the man'. I asked which man and she replied 'The man in the car'

Which has made me shiver, and also prompted me to call the local police constabulary and ask them to make sure that the good samaritans are who they say they are. I know you'll tell me i'm being crazy, that they potentially saved dd's life and that i'm an ungrateful bint but here's my logic;

1, One minute the woman was standing there telling the nursery staff off saying 'she could have been raped or murdered' and saying that she was going to wait for the police - and the next minute she had just disappeared. Perhaps she had a very good reason but it did strike me as odd.

2, why did they put her in the car while they phoned the police? If they live on the road in question and have children at the school they would be well aware of the nursery and surely would have taken her there as a first port of call. Surely in this day and age most people would be to wary of people pointing the finger to actually put a stray toddler in their car - particularly when there's a very well known nursery a few feet away.

Ok now you can tell me i've lost my mind.

And also, the police bother me because they didn't ask where she (the woman) was or seem interested in trying to take a statement from her. Surely that's just a basic requirement in these circumstances?

The sergeant i spoke to just now said that she was worried about offending the couple involved by asking them questions, but surely if you're a good samaritan you can completely understand why parents would want a few questions answered just to put their minds at rest? If the boot were on the other foot i would be more than happy to answer any number of questions.

FAQ - you've just jogged my memory - the nursery manager did say all non-nursery children were taken into the other room as that is there policy also. Makes it even more unbelievable that she managed to escape.

bump

She may just have been scared because they seemed worried, and she picked up on this. They probably put her in the car because they were wondering about taking her to the police station, and to keep her safe from traffic?

The police should have taken their details though.

Please don't torture yourself any more about what could have happened to her, the fact is nothing did, thank God.

She may just have been scared because they seemed worried, and she picked up on this. They probably put her in the car because they were wondering about taking her to the police station, and to keep her safe from traffic?

The police should have taken their details though.

Please don't torture yourself any more about what could have happened to her, the fact is nothing did, thank God.

Hopefully your concerns over the people that "found" your DD will prove to be unfounded, but I can understand your need to know.

I find it bizarre that the police did not take their details.

Does the nursery have camera footage at all?

I hope that they were just kindly returning your daughter.

My main concern, for now, would be whether the nursery planned to tell you?

Is there a way that you can call Ofsted and report this incident? It may prompt an overhaul of security now.

I would remove my child from this nursery. If only because she knows that she is capable of getting out there alone.

they took details over the phone when the couple called them but i would have thought meeting them face to face after such an event would have been just part of the job (?)

we did ask about cctv and were told there aren't any cameras.

DP called OFSTED yesterday and told them everything. They will be investigating soon. although my faith in OFSTED is less than rock solid (does anyone remember my thread about 6 months ago re the little girl I saw in the park being mistreated by staff from another nursery? Well OFSTED investigated that eventually and found nothing wrong with the nursery so i kind of lost faith in them then)

The police have told me they will be getting in touch with the child protection agency

I'm also very concerned that the nursery weren't forthcoming with what had happened as soon as i walked in. I would have expected someone to run straight up to me and fill me in, but they let me walk straight past the woman who had found her. The staff smiled and i had no reason to suspect anything till i saw dd's hair.

In the cold light of day i have to say i'm increasignly certain i won't be taking her back there. But where the hell else can she go? i don't want her to miss out on nursery entirely because of this. she's really sociable and needs to be around other kids.

totalmisfit - do try not to torture yourself.

Maybe they all got into the car to keep dry because it was raining?

My DD who is 3.3 quite often says she is scared of men, and would have been terrified in this situation.

It's possible that they didn't think your DD could have come from the nursery, as they presumed it was secure and thought it was much more likely that she had wandered off from the shop.