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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that Playgroups are a form of punishment for misbehaviour in a previous life?

52 replies

shootfromthehip · 03/10/2008 12:14

Right, just back from another 2 hrs of purgatory (hrs that I shall never get back). Ok- playgroups are about children and my 2 love it but does it have to be so difficult for the adults? It's the politics, the sniping, the inane conversation, the one-up-man-ship and the crappy behaviour that I find particularly hard to stomach. I just want to lecture everyone about their attitudes' every time I go as the atmosphere really brings out the worst in me. It's like being back at school.

If it shut tomorrow I would breathe a sigh of relief.

AIBU or do other people feel like they are being tormented when they set foot inside the Church Hall? I am a bit grumpy today- I admit but really, the place drives me nuts!

OP posts:
mrsmortenharket · 03/10/2008 12:16

lol i feel the same when i used to take dd, that's why i let the cm take her now
tho i do miss being able to tkae her

Original poster
shootfromthehip · 03/10/2008 12:30

tumbleweed...... everyone else obviously likes playgroup or I rile too easily.

OP posts:
JacobsPrincess · 03/10/2008 12:32

Rise above it...just rise above it.

JacobsPrincess · 03/10/2008 12:32

And slip some valium in the tea urn!

rookiemater · 03/10/2008 12:32

Just quit. I did. I feel much better now, but then DS seemed to dislike it as well so we had double the reason not to go.

Take them to a soft play instead and I'm sure they will have just as good a time.

Flamebat · 03/10/2008 12:33

I go to one and I have friends.

I go to the other and read a book (DS plays happily, I am there for him to socialise, the others there have made it clear they don't want ME to socialise, so I have finally quit).

Today though... is a red theme. All fine - but for the painting easel... THREE POTS OF RED PAINT!

A tad excessive, poor kids aren't allowed to do a proper picture

SaintRiven · 03/10/2008 12:33

playgroups as in groups you pay for and leave or like toddlers where you have to stay?
I loathed toddlers and didn't bother by number3.

JuneBugJen · 03/10/2008 12:34

I love it!
The smell of nappies mixed with instant and coffee and biscuit...
The inane chatter, of which mine is the most inane...
Watching the tots maim themselves in many and varied way...
Its the best way to spend time with ds and dd! Who was the famous person who said 'when you are tired of playgroups, you are tired of life'? Or was that London?

bran · 03/10/2008 12:36

Perhaps you're right about the karma thing, perhaps the more you enjoyed the production part of your children the more you hate toddler group. The whole adoption process to get DS was horrible, and I quite enjoyed toddler group. You probably had much to much fun conceiving your dc, and you're paying the price for it now.

Original poster
shootfromthehip · 03/10/2008 12:44

I certainly did bran . Don't get me wrong- I'm not looking for high-brow conversation (what is the origin of that? Always bothered me!), just if someone could take their nose out of their changing bag and watch the news occasionally. Or at least not talk about the other Parents.

OP posts:
rookiemater · 03/10/2008 12:47

Can you go to a different group ? Honestly I think your DCs will survive. Lifes too short to keep going to something you hate.

I used to quite enjoy M&T until I stupidly volunteered to run it for a term [ need shudder smiley], amazing how you see people in their true colours then.

Now we don't go it feels great. However I am only off work one day a week so never have that yawning chasm of time to fill feeling.

Mij · 03/10/2008 13:00

Blimey, maybe I've just been really lucky, but the playgroups we've been to have (mostly) been fine. Obviously it takes time to get to know people enough to start a conversation (which is mostly about kids, yes, but on Monday I also had conversations about Sarah Palin, the Communist Manifesto, biofuels and apple chutney - different conversations I hasten to add). The couple I tried where no-one talked to me we just didn't go back. But then, I've got a lot to choose from locally. Spoilt, probably...

TheFallenMadonna · 03/10/2008 13:02

The conversations I have at payground aren't wildly different from the ones I have on MN TBH.

TheFallenMadonna · 03/10/2008 13:03

payground? playgroup!

Weegle · 03/10/2008 13:03

DS is 2.3 and I have so far managed never to go to one. Ahhhh, I am at peace with that decision

penguinaballerina · 03/10/2008 13:09

I assume you mean toddler groups?

Don't give up on toddler groups just yet, some of them are actually very good! Try a different one.

Toddler groups are mostly run by volunteers and they play an important role in the community. Even if you don't get anything out of it, at least the other parents (and children) do!

You are just as likely to come away from expensive activities such as Tumble Tots feeling like that, and much poorer too!

Toddler groups are not profit making so at least you don't feet you are being ripped off.

And finally - you get tea and biscuits! Can't be that bad, can it?

beforesunrise · 03/10/2008 13:12

sorry, but if you hate it so much... WHY do you go? you have 2 dcs- they can entertain each other. or you can go for a walk. or to the library, soft play, playground or whatever.

i used to go with dd1 because I enjoyed it and she did too- now she's bored, and i am too! plus since dd2 came along i find it actually much nicer to stay home or do unstructured things like the above.

i find that when i do go now- i get snubbed by the nannies, because, well, i am not a nanny, and snubbed by the other mums because i am not a regular and- whisper it- i work, albeit part-time. for some reason being a working mum really makes it hard to bond with the playgroup set!

gabygirl · 03/10/2008 13:14

I've just stopped going because my youngest ds has started full-time nursery (hurrah!).

Agree they are torture.

I live in a very deprived inner city area where most of the mums who attend drop ins either can't speak English or are drunk/insane/only 12 years old. Never mind inane chatter - I'd be grateful for some of that. I come home exhausted from trying to communicate with the non-English speakers, who tend to be the only well mannered, friendly people there, but who you can only communicate with with gesticulations and very short sentences. Your face aches afterwards from trying to maintain an open, welcoming expression for two hours.

Mij · 03/10/2008 13:16

God, we really are spoilt! Childminders, working/non-working mums, dads, grandmas etc all much in together. Even if we've nothing to say to each other we at least smile!

potatofactory · 03/10/2008 13:16

I think it's brilliant that they're there - good facility for people, but bloody hell. The one I've been to a few times was all second generation mums who had already formed an impenetrable clique bonded by the time I started going. Part of me felt that my obvious newness should have generated a bit of help from others talking to me - I did stand around a lot like a tit, though I did try to make conversation, until my face ached from smiling at / about other people's brats children.

I don't go now. My dd gets all her fun at nursery now, thank god. When I have her at home we do parks, soft play, swimming, or just shopping!

beforesunrise · 03/10/2008 13:17

also, i personally think that all toddlers (mine included) are obnoxious, and that their obnoxiousness rises exponentially when they are in the company of a dozen other toddlers. so to sum it up.. YANBU!

rookiemater · 03/10/2008 14:06

Another rubbish thing about them is that I am completely crap at names and unless you know them well other peoples children all look identical. So everyone would be enquiring after Rookietoddlers health by name and I'd be muttering about thingymajig looking well. Hate group things, they should all be banned.

Original poster
shootfromthehip · 03/10/2008 14:32

What makes me such a sodding hypocrite is that I have been on the sodding committee to keep the sodding thing running for the past 3 yrs (rural area- really valuable to the Community to have any kind of toddlers group) but I have finally had enough of having the same conversations with only the face changing in front of me. I talk to everyone (partly in a desperate attempt to find someone who will talk to me about how hot Bruce Parry [?] was in Amazon and how wrong I am to think that ) and have now problem with cliques other than to wish to start one of my own that doesn't just talk about which supermarket sells Hipp jars the cheapest.

All I would like is some recognition of my brain and not forced chumminess over conversations about brands/ types of nappies.

I think my basic problem is that I am just not really interested in other peoples' children and as a result don't want to talk about them.

OP posts:
Original poster
shootfromthehip · 03/10/2008 14:34

sorry have 'NO' problems with cliques

OP posts:
Minniethemoocher · 03/10/2008 14:41

Playgroups/mums and babies/toddler groups are a special kind of hell, full of cliquey Mums and just awful if you are as shy as me....

No.2 baby due in a couple of weeks, so I shall be going back to them again! Aaaaggghhhhh!!!!

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