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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that Playgroups are a form of punishment for misbehaviour in a previous life?

52 replies

shootfromthehip · 03/10/2008 12:14

Right, just back from another 2 hrs of purgatory (hrs that I shall never get back). Ok- playgroups are about children and my 2 love it but does it have to be so difficult for the adults? It's the politics, the sniping, the inane conversation, the one-up-man-ship and the crappy behaviour that I find particularly hard to stomach. I just want to lecture everyone about their attitudes' every time I go as the atmosphere really brings out the worst in me. It's like being back at school.

If it shut tomorrow I would breathe a sigh of relief.

AIBU or do other people feel like they are being tormented when they set foot inside the Church Hall? I am a bit grumpy today- I admit but really, the place drives me nuts!

OP posts:

mrsruffallo · 03/10/2008 14:41

Well, you shouldn't do it if you don't want to, but honestly is it that bad?
Who cares about cliques and gossip?

mrsruffallo · 03/10/2008 14:44

I really haven't experienced one where they only talk about nappies, sorry.
What do you want from two hours with strangers?
You don't have to talk to anyone there, you can play with your children instead

JuneBugJen · 03/10/2008 14:46

I go to them so I dont have to play with dcs. After all, I play with them for what feels like a million hours a day anyway.

Love our toddler group, everyone so friendly. Miss it when it was shut for summer. Have been to a couple though which made me want to leave straight away though!

TheFallenMadonna · 03/10/2008 14:47

See, I read these threads and I think to myself that I must be one of those dreadful mothers that everyone hates. Because I enjoy playgroups.

Well, actually I also think some uncharitable things about people who think themselves smarter and more interesting than me - but that's just my own prejudices creeping through

SmugColditz · 03/10/2008 14:49

My Sure Start group is a life line to many people who go.

Today, one woman sobbed in a corner for two hours with her friend, while everyone else occupied her son. She was distraught about something, I don't know what, I have never seen anyone cry so hard for so long.

At the same time, a volunteer had brought a very young mother with a 2 year old for her first time and she was terrified.

It's free. the refreshments are sold practically at cost (60p for a cheese toastie) and there is a huge social mix - from terrified teen mothers (like today's new starters) to newly single mothers (me last year) to married IT managers (the woman sobbing onto her friend today).

Some groups maybe are an excuse to air the designer nappies and brag about organic walnut eating progeny, but if you want real support, go to a sure start group.

Original poster

shootfromthehip · 03/10/2008 14:51

I just find it SOo demoralising sitting listening to the 'upright' citizens of my village bitch about the others. It is such a small community that it is about ready to eat itself. Added to this the alternative conversations are soley about kids which also bores me to death as I have 2 of my own- I don't want to hear about little so and so doing the biggest poo you have ever seen.

I know that some people are having their needs met by discussing their worries with other Mums but surely conversation could occasionally meander into other areas.

I keep going out of a deep rooted sense of guilt as the sprogs love it, and for a lack of other things to do on rainy days. But today I heard one too many chats about nappy rash and wanted to bang my head off a wall.

And I am fed up watching other peoples kids act like the monsters and then do f- all about it.

OP posts:

JuneBugJen · 03/10/2008 14:52

Really Shootfrom? I love watching other peoples dcs being vile! It makes me feel so much better about my own.

Original poster

shootfromthehip · 03/10/2008 14:55

Aha- the higher moral ground tact- hadn't thought of that

OP posts:

sazzerbear · 03/10/2008 14:57

My friend knows Bruce, apparently he has a real eye for the ladies...

TheFallenMadonna · 03/10/2008 14:58

Well, seems you've got the one-up-man-ship down. You just need someone to share it with now and you'll fit right in...

lingle · 03/10/2008 15:17

It's like being an extra from the original (1950s?) version of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". People who are quite normal at my house are transformed into aliens there.

sazzerbear · 03/10/2008 15:19

Madonna - is this directed at me? I don't even know the bloke!

Original poster

shootfromthehip · 03/10/2008 15:23

I'd like to get to know Bruce and then I really would have a story to tell that may indeed be enough to ditch the kiddie chat!

OP posts:

kt14 · 03/10/2008 15:28

I found playgroups a real lifeline when I moved 300 miles away from home with 6 month old ds1. 2 1/2 years on, and now with ds2, I am getting very bored of them, and of maintaining a pleasant expression while debating typical eating and sleeping habits in 13 month olds.

A good friend and I have started arranging nights in/out with some of the mums we get on best with. There is a bar on all child-related conversation. It's really helped me get to know lots of people properly, and without the constant distraction of dealing with fights, tantrums, or stinky nappies..

sazzerbear · 03/10/2008 15:33

Shootfrom - Maybe I could organise for him to do a talk at your playgroup? That would liven things up!

Original poster

shootfromthehip · 03/10/2008 15:36

Sounds like good plan. Had even thought about starting a book group (how day time tv of me) but no takers- everyone too busy...'If I only had time to read a book but I'm so busy with discussing whether or not milton works to wash moldy bath toys and bitching about the size of so and so's arse that I really couldn't fit it in'.

i suppose my real problem here is that I don't have many like minded people around me and struggle with the boredom of being a predominantly SAHM. (produces small violin from her pocket). It would just be nice to have some people who were not just alking about the same things that I already live with everyday. That's why I like MN I suppose.

OP posts:

sazzerbear · 03/10/2008 15:45

Totally agree, the first one I went to after having ds was abysmal - cliquey - nobody made an effort to talk, even though I went out of my way. It was really depressing. I know toddlers aren't perfect however also object to unsupervised kids running amok like banshees which happened at another one I went to (older kids terrorising the little ones - ds wasn't quite walking in the summer and was repeatedly nearly trampled by the bigger kids who were due to leave to start school). Shame playgroups can't be more exclusive about entry criteria! PS Does Milton work btw lol!

Original poster

shootfromthehip · 03/10/2008 15:51

sazzer- milton was the recommended solution from my playgroup mums too lol

OP posts:

smugmumofboys · 03/10/2008 15:54

Sad to hear about your experience. The two I went to were a lifesaver for me when I moved 200 miles away from where I had had my dcs. I made new friends, they weren't at all cliquey and everyone was welcoming.

Maybe try another one or go with a friend so you have your own ready-made clique of two?

kt14 · 03/10/2008 18:31

shootfromthehip - I've joined a couple of book groups, funny you should say that! I love them, I have one gossip and wine type one, and one serious one where people actually read and talk about the book.

The serious one got going when someone put an ad in the paper, so it's a real mix of characters and ages, and great as I'm currently the only SAHM of the group.

beforesunrise · 03/10/2008 19:25

well you see you've picked up a great tip. just today i was looking at our frankly disgusting bath toys and wondering what to do... now, thanks to your obnoxious playgroup mums, i know!

brilliant :-)

Scarletibis · 04/10/2008 10:41

Go but take a book or magazine to read.

Get your coffee, put your feet up and have a break while your little one plays - go on, I dare you!

Janni · 04/10/2008 11:30

I think you're going in with a chip on your shoulder about how low your life has sunk that you need to be in one of these godforsaken places, therefore you are just looking out for things to be annoyed about.

If your kids love it and it helps wear them out, go and take a newspaper to read or just watch them having fun. Ignore the other parents if you don't want to make any new friends. However, even if you don't want new friends you can pick up tips about stuff going on in your area/schools/activities etc which can actually be quite useful.

Or you could get a nanny and go back to work

Soprana · 04/10/2008 11:42

No, YANBU. They are grim. I force myself to go for my DD's sake (and even she doesn't seem that enamoured, tbh). All the mums at our playgroup are loads younger than me, many don't speak English, and they all know one another and sit in their little groups with their backs to the kids. I know I should really bounce up to them and say Hi, can I join in, but tbh I can't be arsed.

Janni · 04/10/2008 21:41

Well another form of punishment for misdemeanours in a previous life has to be the birthday party in a mad indoor playcentre on a Saturday afternoon.

Normally I would drop and run, but also had 3 year old with me too so had to stay...

Ah, the children wired on slush puppy, the unmistakeable stench of stale wee and worse, the screaming, the feet sticking to the sticky popcorn-covered carpet....

What a delightful afternoon I have had

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