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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dd was naughty and my mum told her she didnt love her

28 replies

nolongeraworriedmummy · 01/10/2008 20:02

fair enough dd was being a brat and she was told off for it but my mum said I dont love you now, I was abit urked by this. Fair enough she didnt like her actions but to say she didnt love her. DD is 5 btw, Im being pfb about this arent I?

OP posts:
Trollio · 01/10/2008 20:02

no, that's a vile thing to say

TheGashlycrumbTinies · 01/10/2008 20:03

A dreadful thing to say to a 5 year old.

It's conditional love.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 01/10/2008 20:04

your mum is the one being vile. you never ever say things like that to a child. when dd says it to me i just say "oh well thats a shame because i will always love you" i never say it back to her.

noonki · 01/10/2008 20:04

YANBU love to a child should be unconditional,

that is a terrible thing to say

A MUm in my parenting class said it to her DS a few months ago in front of me, I now avoid her,

Original poster
nolongeraworriedmummy · 01/10/2008 20:07

basically dd was pushing the cat (she wanted to sit where cat was) my mum said you are being mean to the cat so I dont love you anymore

OP posts:
Sobernow · 01/10/2008 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wahwah · 01/10/2008 20:13

That is a crap thing to say.

AbbeyA · 01/10/2008 20:17

I would take it seriously and talk to your mother. It is not an an acceptable thing to say- ever.

Hulababy · 01/10/2008 20:19

I think you should metion it to your mum. Jut make sure she knows that she needs to criticise the behaviour and not the child.

kitbit · 01/10/2008 20:20

No you are NOT being pfb, it's a horrible thing to say to a child. Love is unconditional. She might not like her behaviour at that moment, but to say she doesn't love her is probably untrue anyway, and very very cruel. Definitely have a word.

hotmama · 01/10/2008 20:23

YANBU - love is unconditional - but you may not like your dc actions some of the time.

I think it is important that dc know that the important people to them will always love them.

Your mum is being horrible - and I would let her know that what she said was spiteful!

Dandelioness · 01/10/2008 20:36

Agree with hotmama. Disliking someone's behaviour (particularly a small child's!) does not equate to not loving someone!

I suspect that's just what your mum meant, that she disliked the behaviour, but what she said was out of order. Personally, I think you should explain this to your mum AND ask her to apologise to your DD and explain that she didn't mean itand shouldn't have said it, she was just trying to let your DD know she didn't like what she'd done, and it won't happen again.

HeinzSight · 01/10/2008 20:37

@ your Mum, what a horrid thing to say

stripeytiger · 01/10/2008 20:49

I agree with others here, I think that was horrid of your mum to say that. Perhaps it came out in the heat of the moment, but still, not acceptable.

A very good friend of mine who is mum to four lovely children aged 19 - 13, when they were being particularly obnoxious she would say....I love you with all my heart and always will, but just now I really don't like you very much because of the way you are behaving.....those words have stuck with me and I have used them to my own dcs with good effect.

Original poster
nolongeraworriedmummy · 01/10/2008 20:51

yes thats what I usually say stripeytiger, its the 2nd time its been said now have spoke to her about it before.

OP posts:
Tolalola · 01/10/2008 20:58

no! no! you are not being pfb!!
that's never ok to say to a child!!

lilymolly · 01/10/2008 21:02

ok ok ok its not a nice thing to say, nasty andmean

But your mum prob didnt think it meant that much harm.

Maybe say something to her and ask her not to say it again.

lilymolly · 01/10/2008 21:03

oh sorry just read its the 2nd time she has said it oh dear thats not good is it...

sb6699 · 02/10/2008 11:05

Horrible, horrible, horrible. YABNU.

My mil told dd1 when she was being naughty that DD2 was loved the best - WTF!!!

I told her outright that she should never ever tell any of my dc's that they weren't loved or that they loved another one better. To be fair, it seems to have worked.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/10/2008 14:56

agree horrible

maybe something along the lines of

I will always love you,but at the moment I dont like the way you are behaving - it makes me sad

would have been better

sure your child wonr be scared for life x

LouMacca · 02/10/2008 15:07

OMG I can't believe that your mum said that to your daughter! and for the 2nd time too. As BHMF says I don't like the way you are behaving would have been much better, hopefully she will realise how hurtful her comment was.

sb6699 - another awful thing to say to a child Glad your mum has taken your comments on board.

SheikYerbouti · 02/10/2008 15:09

Horrible

Absolutely vile thing to say to your daughter

YAdeffoNBU

bundle · 02/10/2008 15:10

horrid

I'm always very careful to say to my children that I don't like what they do when they're naughty, rather than dislike them

wasabipeanut · 02/10/2008 15:13

You shouldn't say that to a child. Jesus I wouldn't say it to my dh never mind my ds.

They need to know that however naughty they may be at times you will still love them.

I'd be bloody furious if my Mum ever said this.

MyDingaling · 02/10/2008 15:15

An apalling thing to say
Has your DD mentioned it since?