Not to subscribe to the view that "there's a paedophile on every corner" and "you never know who's driving about" and allow my children what I consider to be an appropriate amount of independence?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I'll start by saying that we live in the country and I might be a little less relaxed if we lived in a town. My children are 10 and 7 and are allowed to:

Go to the post box (5 minute walk, no roads to cross)

Go to the shop (2 minute walk, no roads to cross)

Go to the park (4 minute walk, two roads to cross) and to play there on their own for half an hour

Play in the moat and fields that back onto our house for up to two hours at a time. (They can - mostly - be seen from the house.)

They have been allowed to do all this for the past 18 months since we moved here. We had some friends round recently whose children are older (12 & 13), and were horrified when I told DD1 and DD2 to take them into the fields and show them their "camp" they had made. These children are not allowed out of the parents' sight - we walked down to the river and one lagged behind and the mother went hysterical when she realised she couldn't see her DD (who is 13).

Surely unless we allow them a small amount of independence they will have difficulties adjusting to "real life" as they get older?

YANBU, I also fear for this generation of children. They need to be away from adults to learn how to sort things out for themselves and to assess risks. You need to do the letting go in a very gradual way so that they are comfortable with it. Getting hysterical because a 13 yr old lags on a family behind is neurotic in the extreme. In less than 4 years time they can be behind the wheel of a car. In 5 years time they can leave home and go to Thailand on their own and you can't legally stop them! Being wrapped in cotton wool, not being allowed to get hurt and not being allowed to learn by mistakes is not a life that I would want. I refuse to tell my DCs that every stranger is a potential paedophile, the greatest danger is in the people they know. I prefer to equip them to deal with problems.

'Last year she went on a week long camping trip with school. There were 2 distinct types of parents - those who spent weeks before worrying so much so that their kids were hysterical. And those - lazy people like me! - who thought a week off was brilliant. Want to guess whose kids had fun and whose kids spent the week crying hysterically for their mummies.'

I think this says it all! If you are worried about it you should keep these worries firmly to yourself.

Stewiegriffinsmom, we had a mother like that at the information evening.

The amount of questions she asked
She had a pen and paper and was asking if she could give her son biscuits and stuff in his suitcase because he may get hungry before bed and another asked could she give her Lo their DS incase they got bored.....

YANBU

I would let my 8 yr old DS out to play but he has nobody to play with. They are either all at home or being chaperoned from one organised activity to another. Nobody is allowed out to just be children any more. I wouldn't mind but we live in a relatively safe area and there is a huge playing field a minutes walk up the road so it is daft not to let them spread their wings and make use of it.

I agree with those who say that the roads are more of a danger. Even our residental road has nutters doing 50 mph along it (speed limit 30) and I have seen that even at school kicking out time. DS1 has absolutely no road sense despite me trying to let him take more responsibility. Far more concerning than the very slim possibility that a paedo might be around and chose my son to pick on.

YANBU
I to give my children some responsibility, but they are younger than yours. I intend to give them lots of freedom as they grow up.

I would feel more nervous letting them out of my sight in the countryside tbh-isn't that where all the pervs are?

I have said this before, but we almost need a national society called Reclaim the Streets for Kids, or something.

YANBU - and your children will thank you for it.

We all have to do what we think is right - you stick to your guns!

YANBU - this is one of my pet hates.

My DD aged 11 is always out and about with her friends; shopping trips, cinema, swimming, etc - I don't worry in the slightest. Some of her friends are still NOT allowed to do these things even though they are now at secondary school - in fact, some of the mums look at me like I'm mad. I think they are the ones doing more harm than good for all the reasons mentioned in previous posts.

The worst example of mollycoddling I've personally encountered was when we once met some friends at Tenpin, Maidenhead, and the dad actually escorted his 13-year-old daughter to the ladies toilet and waited right outside until she came out. My DP and I were completely - what did he think was going to happen to her?!

On the other hand, my DS aged 13 rarely leaves the house apart from school, and this worries me far more as his world seems to begin and end with Runescape/Call of Duty.

If there weren't a high number of shootings and stabbings in the area in which I live, I'd probably allow my children out by themselves more when they're older.

How you raise your children is your decision. How your friends raise their children is their decision. Personally, I know that there is a pervert/kidnapper/murderer potentially on every corner. Whether it be in the country or the city...thinking that your children or yourself for that matter are safe is deluding yourself. Just because it hasn't happened to you is not a reason to think it cannot or will not ever happen.
Maybe in the UK crime and children disappearing daily isn't happening. Maybe the UK doesn't have any of that kind of crime. I know it happens here in the US. Not only to young children but to 18 year olds (teens) and adults all too often.
I've encountered people that are child perverts (I found this out by chasing them down and giving the description to the police and having a detective identify this person) and I've heard reports of children that had disappeared locally.
The good news is that usually (not always though) children are targeted by people they know. It sometimes happens though with strangers.
Before you go judging someone else's fears maybe you should see just where they got those fears? Just my 2 cents.

My suggestion is to teach your children to always be aware of their surroundings. You should do the same. Yes, give them the independence to make decisions and the reasoning to make good decisions...but don't put them in a situation where they can't find help if they need it.

YANBU - This is a HUGE bugbear of mine

The media stirs the hysteria
No one lets their kids out
Kids have no freedom, a sheltered indoor childhood, Obesity soars,
Kids grow up completely inept at dealing with real world
what if. what if... what if... (and very sadly the worst abuse happens by people they know)

instead teach your children what is safe and what isn't (kids road sense is getting worse and worse because their parents drive them everywhere and don't let them out to play)

allow them space to make mistakes and let them learn

wehaveallbeenthere - with due respect to the fact that you are in the US so may be a bit different - you must accept that all sorts of things can and will happen to all sorts of people. I could be dead by bed time tonight. So could you. However my rational self knows that the chances of that are so staggeringly small it's not worth thinking about.

I'm sure we all think about risks etc but I'm sure you would agree that we have LEARNT to assess those risks by having had the benefit of a little freedom as we grew up - our children are not being allowed the same freedoms because of this so called "knowledge" that there are people willing and able to harm our children at every turn. THe number of reported cases of abduction and abuse is a tiny percentage compared to the vast numbers of people who are not harmed. Yes there are paedophiles but we need to get a sense of persepective on what the actual risk is and I for one do not subscribe to the view that if there is SOME risk however small I will wrap my children up and not allow them to grow and go into the world.

I wonder how you think your children will manage when they have to go it alone??

Personally I think that children should wear rubber-soled boots at all times because of the very real risk of being struck by lightning.
Oh, and never stand underneath trees.

I agree noonki, unfortunately, my fears are not unfounded. While I don't worry about cars running my child over (well the oldest and middle child, my youngest is autistic and at the mental equivalent of a 3 year old on a good day) I do worry a bout people trying to kidnap (and worse) to my 12 year old. She walks a few blocks to catch a bus for school and already one of the girls (who reaches the corner first) has reported someone pulling up in a van and chasing her.
The pervert I spoke of was over 20 some years ago that was following my nephew in a Kmart while he was visiting and my then husband and I chased this guy down (yes I threatened him with a rolling pin but I told the police that) and later a detective brought a photo of this person to my house for identification. Because we got a car description and plate number they found where he lived and who he is, otherwise all the police had were complaints of him trying to pick up children in the malls.
This last year two girls in Oklahoma (used to live there) were walking to a bridge (rural area) and in 15 minutes when not returning in the alloted time for dinner were found by the father shot to death. I don't think they know who did it yet...I hope they find out though as only a few people go out there so they probably are a family in fear now.
What I said still stands.
Oh yes, several weeks ago our neighbor came home from his night job 1am and while having a cigarette in his backyard saw a man jump our 6ft fence into the yard and then into his. When he confronted him the man went back over the fence and back over ours. He returned 15 minutes later but didn't return to the yards.
My middle child is a blackbelt in tae kwon do...she doesn't have a weight issue and I do allow her after school activities and visits to friends houses but I don't lull myself into thinking it can't ever happen to her.

It's been known that when strangers target children (or adults for that matter) they look for specifics. They watch the person that is isolated or looks vulnerable. I've taught my children that if someone grabs them then do everything you can NOT to be put into a car. Once you are in the car everything in chances of survival changes.
All of us in my family have had some training and it gives you a sense of control...not fear. Still, you aren't immune to the elements. You can only do what you can. A little knowledge is power though and having said that I'll leave this thread.

willali, I agree. I think perhaps I've seen too much.

A life spent being monitored every moment by your parents is not worth being lived IMO.It might be a comfortable prison with all mod cons, but it is a prison all the same.

Haven't trawled through the whole of this post, just the first bit really, but no YANBU at all IMO.

We live in a pretty scary area of a city tbh but about 6 months ago we started leeting my DD (9 this coming weekend) go a run errands to the shop on the corner of our road - she loves the fact that we trust her and although before then I was wary, I was bothered by the feeling that I was becoming a scared and fearful parent. I think my reaction is generally to go the other way. a bit. Good on you OP!

sara payne 2004 so 4 years ago
millie dowling 2002 6 years ago

Madaline I did indicate but not name as it was in Portugal not in the uk.

Any one got any names for the last two years?

Anyone got any numbers of children pedestrains killed by car drivers?

Having just googled it ivykaty it would appear that one child is hurt every 16 minutes on the roads in UK and 11 children are killed or seriously injured every day. This is as a passenger and pedestrian.
People still take their DCs out in the car despite these statistics and yet they get neurotic about paedophiles.

Thank you abbeya, so the real danger is CARS which are really around ever corner sneak into garages and hide run around all over the place and are sometimes not insured or registered

Yet we can count on one hand the children we can name that have been abducted in the last eight years (sadly I will mention Holly and Jessica)

32, 120 children have been killed by car drivers in that time

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