Not to subscribe to the view that "there's a paedophile on every corner" and "you never know who's driving about" and allow my children what I consider to be an appropriate amount of independence?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I'll start by saying that we live in the country and I might be a little less relaxed if we lived in a town. My children are 10 and 7 and are allowed to:

Go to the post box (5 minute walk, no roads to cross)

Go to the shop (2 minute walk, no roads to cross)

Go to the park (4 minute walk, two roads to cross) and to play there on their own for half an hour

Play in the moat and fields that back onto our house for up to two hours at a time. (They can - mostly - be seen from the house.)

They have been allowed to do all this for the past 18 months since we moved here. We had some friends round recently whose children are older (12 & 13), and were horrified when I told DD1 and DD2 to take them into the fields and show them their "camp" they had made. These children are not allowed out of the parents' sight - we walked down to the river and one lagged behind and the mother went hysterical when she realised she couldn't see her DD (who is 13).

Surely unless we allow them a small amount of independence they will have difficulties adjusting to "real life" as they get older?

I allow my kids as much freedom as I can because I am lazy, BFU.

Was discussing den-building with my ten year old cousin the other day. His little gang build them out of the burnt out cars they find down at the local pond. I checked that he knew about tetanus.
I am the product of benign neglect.

xx

I am lazy myself as i have quite openly admitted but I would not allow my kids to play at (at the moment) and have lots of freedom as I'd rather they were safe.

As usual How dare anyone disagree with the mumsnet majority?

We also let our ds (9) out to wander the fields etc, go exploring on his bike, etc ( we recently moved to a semi-rural area).

I found though that when we stayed in town there was a notable absence of children playing outside.

The thing is though that if all parents let their children out to play surely it would be more a case of "safety in numbers". Sadly though I can't see this happening.

bloomingfedup, It's not a 'bitchfest' simply a discussion.

You said that it's a 'cop out' and that people allow their children to go to sleepovers for 'a night off'. Surely you expect that to be challenged?

Mind you, I must admit, I'm relishing the week that Dd goes on her school residential. 7 years old and one of 36 pupils with 4 teachers on a farm in Devon, she will love it and, yep, I get 5 whole nights without her. Doesn't mean I won't be worried sick and desperately checking the school website to see how they are getting on, but it's a really good experience for her, as are social events that don't involve mum.

dd1 (8) cycles round the village with a group of mates

she is the only one wearing a cycle helmet - I get more cross about that than possible peados

although we did have an 'incident' locally where two blokes tried to lure some kids into the car

OFGS, Bloomingfedup.

I wasn't bitching. Simply admitting that yes I am lazy when it comes to parenting. I cut corners and my kids are OK for it.

Implying that I don;t want to keep my kids safe because I am lazy is offensive and wrong.

You are coming across as extremely smug

The twins walk to school on their own and back in the afternoon, they are 10 this year.

They have been going to the shop with each other since we moved here 2 years ago.

They have collected their sister from Brownies and very recently have caught the bus back from their Dads at 630.

Phone calls at each side of bus stop. It does make me nervous but they have to grow up sometime. I can't bubble wrap them forever.

I was concerned as they are quite naive for 9 and the move to secondary school would be a huge shock. This is why we have been encouraging more independence recently.

I don't worry about nutters, i worry about them not looking before they cross a road or some such nightmare.

YANBU

Esther Rantzen is presenting one of those ITV Tonight programmes about this - I think it's on Friday night this week. Called "Esther Rantzen vs the PC Child Brigade" (!). There was a trailer on for it last night and it sounded very interesting - basically she was saying that when they started childline 30 years ago, no-one talked about abuse or would accept that it happened, but now many people act as though there's a paedophile lurking round every corner.

Press release about it here which mentions the Abby Rae case.

ooh I cant listen to esther rantzen

her clicky teeth make me feel sick

I'm can't be bothered today with this, goodbye.

childline was set up (IMO) for children who are being abused at home (mainly)

Maybe the thing for us to do is always to have our children at the "outer" boundary of what is nowadays considered acceptable - and encourage others to do the same. Keep pushing the envelope so it gets wider.

There must be statistics out there on the dangers to children in order of probability somewhere. Does anyone have access to them? I would guess that traffic is top and water is quite high and internet grooming getting higher but snatching by a stranger 1 in a million.

Peachy - nice one dealing with your BIL.

There was a study somewhere about the loss of childhood due to parents being unwilling to let their kids play out - Children's Trust was it? dunno.

My girls are 4 and 2 and they play out on the street (dead end) if the girls from down the road (9 and 10) are playing out. The front door is open and they know they can't go off the pavement. I am happy with this and in a couple of years time I will be looking forward to sending the whole gang to the park at the bottom of the road.

Sadly we have to cross a major road with no crossing on the way to school so unless a crossing materialises I will always have to walk them to primary school.

When we walk places DD1 is allowed to go down little paths etc. and meet me at the end - she finds this very exciting and is growing up to be an independent little thing, the way I want her to grow up. I grew up on a farm and was put out because I never played on the street or went into town until I was about 14!!! I suppose other kids thought that playing in the woods with a gang was fab and riding my pony all over on my own was I suppose great too.

YANBU- I feel really sad for my DC 8 and 4 they play on the street on their bikes etc, and go round the block but no other children play out with them.
I despair about all the parents who are worried about traffic and paedophiles and put their DC's in the car to go on a two minute journey or stuck in their rooms on the internet, pushing them into the path of a car accident or a peadophile.

MrsSchadenfreude - right with you on this one. Our dc have had similar amount of freedom and this summer my 2 dds age 13 and 11 went together without an adult to the cinema about 4 miles away, getting the bus each way. It's really important that they learn to find their way around in the wider world. And important for me not to have to sit through crappy teenage movies.

Must say I would have been less keen on one of them going alone.

Changed times - I remember walking to school when I was 4 (It was at the top of my street) by myself, then walking 2 miles each way to primary school when I was 7, with my 2 younger sisters.

I didn't realise it then, but I had massive amounts of freedom (and to think all the rows with my mother hinged around not enough freedom!). I think all of my friends were the same.

I was always of the view that the image of the dirty man in a mac was largely a fallacy, and that statistics show that danger is much closer to home. However I am beginning to revise this view - I recently found out that an acquaintance of mine has been convicted of child sex abuse, and I have heard of a further 3 people I would have known in the past who have been charged with child sex offences. One of whom was approaching children at the local swimming pool and taking photos from under the cubicle door.

I don't know if it is any more widespread now, or just more widely reported. I do think that the internet has provided opportunities for paedophiles to network, and by viewing images, escalate their fantasies one step further towards action.

I agree with Mrs Schadenfreude and Elasticwoman.

Am currently battling with DSS1 (13.5) and (to a lesser degree, because he is younger) DSS2 (11) about why they have absolutely no social life now that the parent-driven social life of primary school years is over. Why won't/don't they ring up a friend/ask a friend over/go out to play tennis, to cinema etc?

YANBU

I despair of other parents of similar aged children that don't let them do anything at all - and I agree it makes me feel like I am in the wrong somehow. There is absolutely no evidence to suggest that there are more men that are sexually attracted to children than there was 10, 20 or 30 years ago (I clearly remember a man hanging around our swings in the 70's offering to push people - we just thought he wa a sad wierdo and thought nothing of it!)The road death figures are now the lowest they have ever been since the 1920's!

What has changed is our knowledge that paedophilia exists (sometimes ignorance can be bliss) and the 24/7 media which makes us more aware of the very rare incidents that do occur.

Of course none of us want our children to be the one in a million but neither surely do we want our children to be completely unprepared for life, unable to intelligently assess risks, and missing out on important life skills as basic as being able to cross a road properly and safely.

When my children raise "scary" issues they see on the news etc I am constantly trying to impress on them the infinitely small chance of the same thing happening to them as against the benefit of them being able to wander to the park, shops, friends round the corner etc.

I do push my childen to go out and about, and do leave them for short periods, because otherwise I feel they will grow to be entirely disfunctional teenagers and adults with a strange outlook on life "outside".

Everyone needs to develop a sense of perspective - I do fear for this generation of children.

No. YANBU.