Not to subscribe to the view that "there's a paedophile on every corner" and "you never know who's driving about" and allow my children what I consider to be an appropriate amount of independence?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

I'll start by saying that we live in the country and I might be a little less relaxed if we lived in a town. My children are 10 and 7 and are allowed to:

Go to the post box (5 minute walk, no roads to cross)

Go to the shop (2 minute walk, no roads to cross)

Go to the park (4 minute walk, two roads to cross) and to play there on their own for half an hour

Play in the moat and fields that back onto our house for up to two hours at a time. (They can - mostly - be seen from the house.)

They have been allowed to do all this for the past 18 months since we moved here. We had some friends round recently whose children are older (12 & 13), and were horrified when I told DD1 and DD2 to take them into the fields and show them their "camp" they had made. These children are not allowed out of the parents' sight - we walked down to the river and one lagged behind and the mother went hysterical when she realised she couldn't see her DD (who is 13).

Surely unless we allow them a small amount of independence they will have difficulties adjusting to "real life" as they get older?

I agree LittleBella

Paranoia and repressiveness is the norm.

I am considered 'odd' because:

DS1 age nearly 9 walks home alone from Choir every Tuesday - just about a mile.

He goes to the paper shop Saturdays and Sundays for me. Has been known to go the the Village shop for me (opposite school)

He plays outside - afer mindees have gone- with his brother age 6. The only stipulation is that they do not cross the main road through the estate - this is because the road is a blardy nightmare with looney drivers speeding along.

I refuse to believe that murderers and paeodphiles lurk at every street corner waiting for a moment to pounce.

We all know that your child is more likely to be harmed by a member of your family.

Ooooh rant over, sorry.

YANBU

No, keep ranting, the kids are losing their childhood. There needs to be a fightback on this one. If I wasn't so busy campaigning on school starting age I think this would be my thing!

My plan for DS1 (5.5) is to organise a "gang" with his friends next summer and send them off together. With bikes. And preferably a dog. On to the moor with no roads.

I mean seriously, what paedophile would take on a whole gang of boys?

But I think that many roads really are dangerous and the risk is not so remote .

btw, does anyone else's child look at books and cartoons and say "look mummy, that boy is on his own outside". I find it very sad.

Can anyone find the date and names of the last children abducted by a stranger - having trouble finding anything for the last couple of years !!

Dr Tanya Byron was on PM this evening and was talking about how all the nasty things like bullying are now happening in kids' bedrooms while they go on the internet as we seek to protect them from the outside world.

i cant see why there would be more stranger danger now

and think how rarely there is anything on national news

a man did try to abduct me and a friend when we were 9 but that was 1967

i think children should be out and doing stuff

sara payne?
millie dowling

can't think of any more?

YABU.

Yes littlebella - I heard Dr T on the radio too - I thought she made some really interesting points (which I had to say I hadn't considered).

YANBU at all - I had an idyllic childhood full of freedom and hope to provide the same for my DS when he's a bit older.

I don't want my child to be the one in a million or whatever. It is a shame that kids are so sheltered now but mine are and will be for the rest of their childhoods. having said that I do let them go to friends house to play, stay at some activities without me, go to playschemes etc, stay at grandparents(now and again), go on school trips - so i don't think they miss out.

However, they are 7 and 3 and I can not see them playing outside unsupervised at anypoint soon or going to sleepovers (apart from at GP's).

Ivy

Madeliene McCann.

blooming - when do you think that chn are old enough to go out by themselves? Going home from school by themselves for instance - what age?

If you don't wnat your child to be the one in a million, you'd be better off letting him/ her have a sleepover at a friend's house than at their GP's.

Statistically, a family member is more likely to abuse them.

Message withdrawn

Corn,

I honestly don't know the answer - I'm hoping i will just know when the time comes.

Littlebella

Well if I for one minute thought there was anyway that they were in danger at GP I would not allow them to stay there. i agree that it is normally family who abuse kids (was abused myself BTW)so my eyes are wide open

I do think it is a cop out to say that you are better off letting them stay at their friends though.

BTW it is my inlaws home they stay at.

YANBU, and that room to roam for your dds sounds idyllic MrsS lucky girls
But, can I just say that extreme anxiety about letting your children out of your sight can be a reaction to a life trauma such as stillbirth or the death of another child...although, depending on how close your friendship is with the family, you might know about this sort of issue already?
Not all people with this angst are worried about paedophiles/stranger danger.

I think it's a cop out to keep your kids away from the world on the basis that a few random nutters who are totally unrepresentative of the vast majority of adults, might be somewhere "out there".

Your kids, your choice as it is mine. And after all you get a night off or one less child to look after while they are ona sleep over. Happy days.

This is interesting.

I do let DS out of my sight, and am all too aware that I'm in the minority when I do, but I really want him to have his independance.

If I'm at the checkout at our local supermarket and have forgotten somtrhing, I will send him to get it for me, but I have no idea whether or not other parents do this or would consider it ok? It's a small city centre supermarket, nothing massive like tesco or anything and he knows it well.

Interesting thread - useful to see the issue from another POV - blooming and kerry have both made valid points and can appreciate why they feel the way they do about this.

Overmy

I would let Ds (7) go and get something that was slightly out of sight in the SM, but do feel nervous until he comes back.

My kids dont have the level of freedom I had as a kid, mainly because they dont want it, I ask my 11 year old if she wants to stay at home while I pop to the shops or sit in the car, and she doesnt want to, she wont go out at night at all even if it is dark, she is nervous of the world out there and I am not going to force the issue, I want her to be happy that she would know what to do in any given situatiuon, including calling me or another adult if she felt out of her depth, I dont think she does yet.

I am frightened of paedos, I think there are many more than we know about, looking back at my own childhood I cam acrosss quite a few strange men and I try to strike the balance in allowing the kids their freedom and keeping them protected. I dont think it is a cop out because those random nutters are definately out there not "might be"