Another 'we want money as a wedding gift' thread - but what did you actually do?

[mamhaf]

We've been invited to the wedding of the daughter of very dear friends, who've been very kind to our dds over the years.

I've always agreed with posters on mn who feel it's a bit tacky for the wedding couple to ask for money as a present - and this is the case with this wedding - it's the groom's second marriage, their house is full.

They're saving for a deposit on their own home and have therefore asked for money and said there is no wedding list as a consequence.

Judging by previous postings on AIBU, it's clearly a growing trend...and one in my old-fogeyish ways I don't like!

One of the problems with money is judging how much to give, and I'd rather present them with something like an original painting (doesn't take up much room and might appreciate in value) or champagne.

If you've been faced with a similar scenario, what did you do? And if you gave money, how much did you give?

Thanks!

I don't see it as demanding really. they don't state you must give us money.

For people who are already established in a house it seems daft to buy them a toaster or a set of glasses if they don't really need it. Why can a suggestion that money towards something would be most welcome not be gratfully received and free up the guests from agonising about what they might have or not have already and if they really would like some champagne flutes or a arty print or what ever.

Jammi - I know a couple who had a fund for a "Wedding Painting". They identified a beautiful pic they wanted and everyone sent cheques or cash to the bride's brother who had an account specially for it. The Gallery agreed to put it on reserve against her brother's credit card as a guarentee. As soon as they got enough cash he purchased the pic for them and it was from everyone. He did this lovely chart for them where it said what percentage of the painting had been bought by whom, so they weren't faced with the cold hard cash figures, but they knew, for e.g. that her grandparents had been especially generous. It's their absolute pride and joy and I think there's nothing nicer than them being able to look at it every day and think how all their friends and family clubbed together to get it for them. Maybe you could do something similar?

We got married 5 years ago and ended up with a mixture of pressies / money and vouchers...

Vouchers were specifically asked for so we could buy a dyson, which we did!
Pressies - some people asked me specifically what I wanted and I told them - it was never enough to constitute a list and if I had felt forced to go into a shop and pick we would have ended up with loads of stuff we didn't like...
Money - a lot of people just assumed that we would like money so gave us money.

Some people didn't get us anything, some people gave a fiver, some people gave more! At no point did I get all het up because I didn't think people were giving enough...

But we still ended up with the crystal tat though - I'm sure its set in stone somewhere that people have to get you some sort of tat which stays in the cupboard until it falls off the wall!

Personally I find money easier - pop it in the card and away you go...

(Although a friend of mind demanded money and 1 particular couple refused, and got them vouchers instead, she made her hubby to be ring them and tell them to take the vouchers back and give them the money instead...nice girl - not friends with her anymore

I don't think you need to worry about this situation that much. They don't want just money - they want a deposit for a house. In this day and age 'tis an amazing thing, and I'm sure they will think fondly of their friends and relatives who helped them buy their home as they live it - the same way you think fondly of the people that helped you kit your house out.