to love my mum as much as I do? Not a flippant question btw, am genuinely worried!

WhatsupDoc · 2008-09-25T19:35:08+00:00

I have always been very close to my mum (I'm eldest of 3) but since having DC and she has moved to opposite end of the country to be closer to us and see her grandchildren grow up we have got much closer. I talk to her every day and visit at least twice a week (15 min drive) We get on brilliantly, she is my best friend. She likes her own space though, and frequently kicks me out as I would spend all my spare time there (currently on mat leave with DD2) I have started to wonder whether I am actually too close to her. She's the first person I turn to when upset, happy.. the one I discuss difficult decisions with etc. I also realise that a large part of the problem is I don't have a brilliant relationship with DP - it's ok, but we are very different people and don't communicate well at all. Whereas my mum and I have the same sense of humour and laugh all the time. She's only in her 50's, but does smoke, and it really worries me to think I'm going to be without her one day. Is this normal behaviour or bordering on the strange? I've started telling myself I should spend less time with her because my priority should be my DP not my mum. I sound totally weird, don't I? Please someone else tell me this is normal??

105 replies

WhatsupDoc · 25/09/2008 20:35

OP posts:

kslatts · 26/09/2008 23:56

I don't think it's weird, I have a really good relationship with my mum. We have always been close and I could always tell her anything. I'm just hoping as my dd's get older my relationship with them is as good and that they feel they can confide in me about anything.

strummer · 27/09/2008 00:11

I think your realtionship with your mam sounds lovely. But if you are concerned about your relationship with your dh, maybe councelling of some sort might help.

wehaveallbeenthere · 27/09/2008 00:31

Work on your relationship with your DP but don't let the one you have with your mother fade in the least. Parents aren't around forever so if you can then cherish them while they are here.

tabby0kat · 27/09/2008 00:33

I have a great reltionship with my mum. I seem to be spending more n more time at my mums. She only lives around the corner which the main reason I moved here last year.My bro and son are in the same class/school and we do the school run together and go to her house after for a brew both am and pm. I usually spend most of the day with her out shoppin or swimming or just sat in the house. Then when the kids are in bed by 8pm I usually phone or chat to her on-line. I split with my partner last year and dont have many friends who I always think are too busy with their own lives to have me mithering and I sometimes worry that I dont have a life outside my kids and mum.

qwertpoiuy · 27/09/2008 00:39

OP, I had the same kind of relationship with my mother. She was my best friend, my confidante. When I was upset or stressed she knew how to change my way of thinking so I could look on the brighter side.
Then she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She had chemo and fought hard, but sadly succumbed 4 months later. Only the night before I'd had a conversation with her by phone. 12 hours later she took a heart attack and died.
It was so, so hard living without her. When I'd hear or see something interesting, I'd say to myself "Oh, i must tell mum" then realise she wasn't there.
She died 5 years ago and I still miss her terribly, but I live in a small town where everybody remembers her and loved her and it does me good to talk about her. You just learn to live around the big loss. Even guys tell me how my loss (I actually lost both my mother and father to cancer within 4 weeks of each other - I'm only talikng about my mother here because it relates to OP, but I adored my dad just as much) has made them appreciate and love their own parents more. That makes me smile!
It is so normal, OP, and just enjoy it. (I hope you don't think I'm being morbid.)

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