to love my mum as much as I do? Not a flippant question btw, am genuinely worried!

[WhatsupDoc]

I am guessing from your OP that dd2 is very young. I think it can be hard adjusting to two children.
You may enjoy time alone once you get it, could be better than you think?
Sounds like he bores you, but there must be some reason you are together?
What was it about him that you first liked?

Have not read the whole thread, but i do know someone who is very close to their mother in this way and as an almost insider in the situation, I do think that sometimes the blurred boundary between Mum and best friend clouds issues in that person's life. For instance, the mother in the situation is very kind, very well meaning and ALWAYS approaches things from the daughter's pov. Which is wonderful and loving, but it also means that the daughter feels that she can tell her mother info that I personally think should remain between her and her husband (afterall, the daughter is capable of bias, the mother in law, though well-meaning, is not always RIGHT and her analysis of the married relationship is entirely one-sided, yet the daughter gives the mother's pov the most credance because she is entirely sympathetic and always sees her daughter's "side")

I think that it is wonderful that you feel so close to your Mum and that you have such high regard for her, but it sounds a bit like you see her as a refuge from probs in your marriage that you are not facing?

Yes she is 3 months old. No, he doesn't stimulate me

He just doesn't say anything much, really.

We got together doing an activity which didn't involve talking. We still do it occasionally (our last weekend away)

Do you think it'll get easier when DC are older? I keep telling myself to focus on the positives.. he is very kind, helps round the house, gentle etc.

Just boring. And annoying.

Thanks Bluebutterfly, your post is insightful. I'm lucky that my mum is very non-judgemental, and keeps her opinions about mine and DPs relationship to herself (if I bring it up it upsets her - she doesn't like to discuss it - says she just wants me to be happy and is sad that I am not)

Then she makes me another cup of tea and we don't talk about it anymore.

Actually I don't talk about it to anyone..

Have lots of friends, but most unmarried/no DC.. and the few I've broached it with are too scared to help me tackle it. It's too big.

What's up - your honesty is very refreshing!
Have you told him how bloody bored you are?

I can't help wondering, would you all be happy for your dh's to have such close relationships with their mothers?

I have seen lots of posts on here wrt dh's relationships with MILs and the consensus has always been that he should break free of the apron strings and that wife/children are his family now.

I don't think there's anything weird about having a close relationship with your mother (I personally don't but my sister does), but I think that there does come a progression in life where we move away from our parents and start our own families, in reality in preparation for the fact that our mothers won't be there one day.

If things are difficult with your dp, then that needs addressing, but if you found another man who wasn't like your dp, would you be prepared to change the relationship you had with your mother then? Because tbh I think that to have a successful relationship it would be necessary to do so. I would be mightily put out if dh was discussing all his life-changing decisions with his parents rather than me, and equally I think he would feel the same if I discussed things with my mum rather than him.

I think you can still have a close relationship with your mum, but I think it's important to move away from her as being your best friend - she's not your friend, she's your mum.

YANBU i am like this with my dad. i always go to him for advice and help - me and dh got married a couple of months ago and everyone kept joking that maybe i should 'let go' of my dad a bit now i'm a married woman!

no way! he's ace

MrsR - yesindeedy
We have 'serious' talks on a near weekly basis now
This involves me talking, him holding head in hands, looking confused, him saying 'I don't know what to do', me getting sad, crying, saying you'd be better off without me, then in the morning all is back to normal.

I'm sure it shouldn't be like this

The talks never help, I need to cut them out really, and stop being such an emotive idiot

Poor sod, doesn't sound very fair to him tbh, he sounds like a decent, honest, kind person. What do you want from life?

You've got a 3 month old baby, you are allowed to be emotional and do a bit of soul searching
Persoanlly, I would say hang in there, give yourself time as a family to adjust to being four and look at things again in a few months time.
If your DH is finding another baby stressful, he is likely tio go into himself or work more or whatever.
I think the shift in family dynamics takes a while to settle, I really do

I love my mum but she lives so far away. I often wish I could marry her in a non sexual living platonically kind of way. she'd make a MUCH better husband than my DH.

You want to marry her junk collector?
Now that really is too much

I don't think it weird, and hope that one day I have this kind of relationship with my daughters!

If I met a man who said he wished he could marry his mother I would run a mile

You are me.

damn ... thougth ds1,2&3 had posted that...

lol not sure I'd want to marry her..

And I don't want to spend ALL my time with her,

But admittedly, quite a lot.

Noo, marrying would be just too weird.

Thanks for that Jennyusedtobepink, it's good to know I'm not a total weirdo. Some of the posts on here have been really touching..

I think that it's lovely that you are so close to your mum and nothing weird about it at all. My best friend - my mum - isn't here anymore, so you enjoy your mum all you can!

My friend once asked me why did I speak to my mum every day on the phone, and I replied 'because I can'.

Well now I can't, as I am so grateful for the time I did spend with her both in her company and on the phone.

I do remember being concerned with my strong feelings of love for her when not long after I was married I remember thinking that although I was married, I still saw my mum as a bigger part of my family than my DH. and if I HAD to chose I would chose her!, that saddened me and wondered if something was wrong with my DH and my relationship.

Then a while later (no idea how long) I realised that I no longer felt like that, and I loved DH in a different way and that he was now my family and would come first.

Please don't let your worry about how much you would miss her when she goes stop you from having a great close relationship with her now.

To the OP..You are lucky, I would have done anything to meet my mum. She died before I had the chance. Stop questioning your motives. If it feels right then don't change it. Life's too short