to love my mum as much as I do? Not a flippant question btw, am genuinely worried!

[WhatsupDoc]

Your relationship with your mother sounds great and you are both lucky to have that

BUT I would say there is a natural progression in human relationships where we move away from our childhood family to set up one of our own and I think your mum may have picked up on that

not to say that you shouldn't have a close relationship with her, but that you should have the support of your own family unit - your partner and your children. So you can provide that same support and relationship to your DCs. As others have pointed out, suspect that is an issue with your DP and not your mum.

I think you are finding refuge from life with DP by the sound of it. The fact that she has to kick you out, for example. Do you avoid going home?

My mother is a friend in a way that a good mother should be, there to listen, to support and to be able to tell you if you are being a nutter or not. But I don't sit with her and give her gory details of my sex life or discuss what I used to get up to as a teenager. Nor do I go clubbing with her. She is my mother first and foremost but a wonderful one who I admire and love to spend time with. I have best friends who I feel the same about but in a different way.

aw

I think this is lovely

I want to be a Proper Mum

mrsruffallo - yes

Hate weekends too

pgwithnumber3 - agree completely, there are certain things totally off limits.

I don't have a mother either - died when I was a teenager - but I do have a 19 year old DD. I really really hope that my relationship with her when she's settled with DCs is as good as yours sounds with your Mum. We're close now, but to sustain it with all those life-changes and moving area etc is a real achievement. You should be patting yourself on the back, not doubting your sanity . Just enjoy it.

roseability - my Mum was always gentle but firm, nurtured us and was kind and considerate of our feelings but as we grew up, let us find out own way in life. She was never one of those mothers who thought she knew best or never let us think for ourselves.

I was an awful teenager, I gave her hell but I got over it and since I met DH and settled down, we have a fabulous relationship. She is wise, loving, caring, would drop everything to help her children and NEVER EVER interferes. She believes that our relationships with our partners are more important that anything (obviously with our children as well).

Those of us with great relationships with our parents are truly blessed I believe, so many people are abused or neglected or just treated unfairly when they are growing up, we are lucky to be brought up by two people who unconditionally love you for who you are. I always count my blessings that I was lucky enough to have two parents who are so fantastic.

hmm..my mum is in germany and I am over here in the uuk...but I can completely relate to the op....
nothing weird about it....
however are you happy with your partner...that is the only thing I would advise you to look into....

Spooky to see this thread, i was thinking the very same thing this morning about me and my mum.

I seem to be getting closer and closer to her, and it scares me slightly. i keep thinking, "oh god, it is going to hit me so hard when she dies".
I split with my dh last year, and my sisters have been there for me loads. My mum hasnt been great with emotional support as she is just not used to talking about emotions etc.
but i keep spending more and more time there with her , and we go shopping together, she looks after my kids whilst i work, and she is coming over for dinner next week.

i think she feels a bit sorry for me cos i am on my own now, and its obvious i am lonely. i do have several good friends who i see quite a bit, but after my dh, who obviously doesnt love me any more, it feels like my mum is the only person who really worries/cares about me.
Then one day she'll die and i will be all alone

So i totally understand where youre coming from.

roseability - my mum v. calm, don't recall her ever losing her temper (just took a 'look' and a stern voice). She wasn't perfect though, she was really uncomfortable about 'personal' stuff (sex, periods, first bras) and left me to find out about stuff on my own. That's the only thing I'll change with my own parenting of my daughters.

I think you probably close to her in the wrong way then, what'sup. There is a certain level of intimacy that you share with your partner whom you have made a home with, and it is not for your mum to replace that.
Of course your mum is special in your life but it sounds to me that she feels you need to sort things out with DP.

Why do I love her so much?

She's my mum. I hardly know how to explain it.

She's the only person in the world who is completely on my side (even when I am wrong, and yes she does tell me, vocally, but she is still on my side).

As she says to me "no one will ever love you like your mum loves you". That should be true and is true for my DS. I don't see anything weird about that.

georgiemama-i feel sorry for your future daughter in law
Of course other people can love you unonditionally

allgonebellyup - yup I'm with you there. I am aware I should be forming this family unit with DP but not really managing it for some reason. Am trying hard though.

you can report this if you like, but you can piss off with your sympathy.

And it's Georgimama.

Whatsupdoc - do we share the same mother? The one thing she never discussed was periods sex etc! She left me some sanitary towels on my bed when she realised I had started my periods and when I got little boobs, out pops an Ethel Austin bag with a pink bra in a 30AA! No mention of any of it at all!

no it isn't

I do think though Georgimama (and you will probably agree) that when you have a son, you have to step back and allow them to live their own life with their wife.

Lost my mum last month. Feel very lost if I'm honest. It was sudden and shocking,make the most of the time you have.

mrsruffallo, I am sure you feel that no-one will ever love your children like you do?! I can never imagine anyone loving my DDs the same way I do, I nurtured them and gave birth to them. Different type of love than to that with a partner BUT I know what you mean re future DIL, an Mummy's Boy is not an attractive trait.

sorry to hear that myredcardigan.

Thank you

Of course I feel like that pgwithno3, but I am not sure that I would feel pleased for my daughter if she only wanted hang out with me as an adult, and didn't seem happy with her dp.

I will always be there for her but I want her to have a wonderful exciting and fun life of her own too.