to think this mum's being a bit over sensitive?

[gabygirl]

..... One of the mums from dd's class sidled up to me in the playground this morning with the heartsink comment 'can I have a quick word with you about something your dd has said to my dd?'

Seems my dd (9) had said to her dd that she liked her shoes, and asked her dd where she'd got them from. When she said 'Barrett's' apparently my dd said 'you shouldn't buy your shoes from there because they don't last long - they'll have fallen apart in a few weeks'.

The mum told me her dd had got really upset and hadn't known what to say. I apologised for my dd hurting her dd's feelings about her shoes but even while I was saying it I was mentally rolling my eyes into the back of my head. I mean - is this something other people here would take up with a parent?

The thing is it was horribly embarrassing because dd was repeating something I'd said. Ideally dd would like a new pair of school shoes every 3 weeks. I've said to her on many occasions that I'm not wasting money or jeopardising her feet by buying her cheap school shoes that'll fall apart and look horrible within a few days of getting home. I'm not snobby but I hate seeing a child in ill-fitting and cheap school shoes. She gets a new pair of Clarks or Start Rite for school every few months, when she's grown out of the old pair. 'Leisure shoes' are another thing and I'm quite happy for her to slob around it Primark sandals at home. I'm mortified now that this mum thinks I'm a vicious snob and that I'm teaching my dd bad values. But at the same time I think she's being a complete plank about telling me in the first place.

I think if I'd been the other mother, I may well have commented on it too. Not in a judgmental way, but just to casually let you know that your comments are being passed on and that you DD had (whether intentionally or not) upset a child with her careless comment. Girls of 9 can be really judgmental and horrible to eachother, and are also at an age were they're hyper-sensitive about fitting in and making the right impression on their peers. And no one wants their new shoes dissed. That sort of remark could turn into something worse if not nipped in the bud, so I think the other mother was giving you a heads-up.

sometimes you feel you have to tell the parent. they might not realise their child is repeating what they are saying in private.

ds once had a mate to tea. the boy saw dh rolling a fag, then told me all about the joints his dad rolled
I did feel his mother needed to be warned.

Yes - my dd can be a bit of a brat sometimes.

But she's also very loving and kind. She spends all her pocket money buying gifts for my mum and dad (who're nearly 80), is really interested in everyone - especially old people, looks after children at school who are new and feeling a bit lost, and is positively gifted with toddlers and babies. She gets glowing school reports which always flag up what a nice child she is - how much she helps weaker children in class.

I do find her a bit high spirited at times and have struggled a bit with some of her ott, attention seeking behaviour. However, I've never let her get away with being cruel. The one occasion I thought she'd been genuinely unkind to someone at school I made her apologise to both the parent and the child about her behaviour.

Re: my own attitude - I'm not a snob. With children's school shoes you get what you pay for. My dd is hard on her shoes and on the rare occasion I've bought her a pair of cheap school shoes I've ended up replacing them within the space of 8 weeks. There's nowt snobby about wanting the shoes your child wears on a daily basis to last for longer than that. If people want to buy cheap shoes for their children I have no problem with that. FFS - I buy all my clothes from charity shops and dress my dd from head to toe in cast-offs from her cousins.

As for the clown - well I apologised of course.

Unfortunately for me my children aren't perfect - which makes parenting a tough job. It must be great for you, Hedgewitch having such well-behaved children. Well done you.

I think your dd would benefit from being told that she is fortunate you are able to afford shoes from a higher price range than barratts, but many cant, and she should appreciate that fact

as far as the restaurant business goes, their behaviour was appalling by the sound of it, you should have not allowed that situation to occur, by giving them a good dressing down with the threat of leaving if they didnt behave, following through if necessary

Excellent. Now you have called her a brat we can all get away with it! Hurrah!

The clown thing sounds funny, not something to get worried about. I would have PMSL.

Dearer shoes don't always equal better, the last pair of clarks i bought lasted DS1 three months tops.

I don't understand why you thought the mother was off?

Perhaps as others have said she was giving you a heads up, or this isn't the first time your DD has said something hurtful to hers.

Think it probably was a heads up from the other mum. I would certainly talk to your dd about it.

What's a heads up?

Like a warning, informing someone of something before it escalates.

Fair enough...very lovely girls (of both sexes and all ages) are well capable of behaving like brats on occasions, it doesn't make them perma-brats!

Well said Blu.

Well said Blu.

Sorry, computer went very slow then!

What's "goosing"? Dare I ask?

Pinching bum!

'feeling up' - grabbing or pinching bottom!

"I think your dd would benefit from being told that she is fortunate you are able to afford shoes from a higher price range than barratts,"

Oh - she gets told that all the time. All the time. But then she also can't get her head around the fact that there are so many children in her class who come from poor families who won't wear hand-me-downs. I got told by one parent (on income support) that if I couldn't afford to buy new for all my children I shouldn't have had them!

But it was wrong of her to comment on the quality of someone else's shoes. She's a bit tactless like that. Kids can be sometimes. She doesn't think of this particular child as coming from a hard up family because she gets more new stuff than her, and has holidays abroad every year. I suspect she wouldn't have said it to the girl in her class who she knows comes from a really, really poor family (comes to school with holes in her tights the size of my fist, and shoes trodden down at the back because they're too small to get her feet into - poor kid).

Aha! Hmmm, pretty brattish in a cheeky way. Bad behavior in a restaurant is worse though.

Cartoose - it was a birthday and they had consumed half a tonne of Haribo at the cinema beforehand!

I've seen worse behaviour from groups of excited women out together on a Friday night.

Luckily the restaurant was very quiet..... and I did leave a hefty tip for the waitress.

I always thought Pizza Express was soft play with pizzas but minus the bouncy bits anyhow from the way most children behave!

I would be concerned about NT 9-year olds who thought it appropriate to go up to an adult stranger and goose him.

That's more of an issue than the shoe comment or the behaviour in the restaurant, imo.

"What's happened to modern children to make them so feisty?"

surely it's all down to what they are allowed to get away with and the boundaries they are given?

gabygirl - it really is no biggie. DD1 says tactless things to her friends all the time. It is part of the whole school thing IMO. The other mum is OTT to take it up with you in the playground IMO.