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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my dd needs to have crisps at mother and toddler group

111 replies

heartmummy · 19/09/2008 11:31

am i beeing unfair to the other kids? my dd has a heart condition she has been without her feeding tube for 9 weeks and doing great. she will be 3 in november as she burns of more cals , her heart beats twice as fast as a normal heart which means she has to eat high fat and cal food and she snacks all day long, we had to leave early yesterday because she was so trierd and blue asking for her red crisps as soon as she had eaten them she was ready to start again, doctors have said she needs to attend activities to help her devlopment and social skills. am i being unfair to the other kids if i ask for her to have her red crisps instead of a heathly snack (which she does not eat anyway)

OP posts:
Peachy · 19/09/2008 15:56

'mention the disability discrimination act - no-one can treat a disabled person less favourable than anyone else and public bodies have to make any reasonable adjustments that are necessary'

exactly- worked for me

they cant deny you access to the group for reasons assciated to her sn. so basically

you are legally allowed to give her what she needs and its just how it is

frisbyrat · 19/09/2008 16:10

Sainsbury's still do those crisps with a separate sachet of salt, so you could get them?

mellyonion · 19/09/2008 16:12

hi. really great that your little girl is managing well without her tube...

if i were you, if you want to keep the fact she is eating different foods to the other children to a minimum level of fuss for the other children., i would pop them into a tupperware pot and let her eat them from that. only to make things easier for you and your dd though....it is easy enough to explain though to the other children that your dd has been a poorly girl, and she needs to eat regularly to make sure she doesn't feel poorly all the time....

i would think that there shouldn't be a problem with that......if it were a child coming to a ma and t group that i ran, i would bend over backwards to accomodate your dd...

hope it works out.

bozza · 19/09/2008 16:28

Could you maybe take them in in a little tupperware pot rather than the bag so that it is less apparent to the other children (all that rustling) that that is what she is having? And if they do wander over for a nosey then explain directly to the children.

bozza · 19/09/2008 16:29

snap melly

Original poster
heartmummy · 19/09/2008 18:01

thank you everyone for your advice. my dd will not drink milk,cream even if i try to add them to things , i cook and bake alot with her to encourge her but she eats little and often, she had a high cal drink from the hospital went well for a few days but refuses to drink it now, the tuppaware trick sounds good to me thanks again x

OP posts:
JudgeNutmeg · 19/09/2008 18:05

We had a girl with Cystic Fibrosis at our toddler group and she had crisps etc for snack-time whilst all the others had fruit. I don't remember anyones child ever kicking off about it.

Blandmum · 19/09/2008 18:06

Not unreasonable.

My son's best mate has a condition where he has to eat loads of high calorie snacks to keep up his blood sugar.

Ds just accepts it

babbi · 19/09/2008 18:13

Not unreasonable , I wish you and your DD well .

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 19/09/2008 18:16

capp - dd1s dietician told me to add fresh cream to every things that it would go with, give her ice cream, custard, rice pudding etc when she was first weaning. once fuly established n solids her 'preferable' foods were sausages, eggs, chips, creamcakes, ice cream, cheese/creamy sauce dishes, burgers......

basically all things me and you would love to eat but would gain a stone even looking at

im fairly sure crisps were fine too. dietician said missing out on fruit veg is easy as they just give vitamin drops but refusing fats/protiens cause problems.

let the child eat what they will. any one who says otherwise has never experienced a child who will not eat.

misdee · 19/09/2008 18:21

this brings back some (sometimes upsetting) memories of trying to get dh calorie intake up with food as he was dropping weight fast due to his heart condition (i'm sure some of you remember the skeletal photos of peter before the l;VAD and the heart transplant).

i used to make him a tiffin type cake for hospital to keep in the fridge,. hospital view was the more calories the better, they can deal with the other issues later. it was just pure calories, make with choc, butter, condensed milk, nuts, marshmellows, biscuits and whatever else i could get in the tin to add calories.

he was also perscribed a bottle of beer an evening to help up calories.

to keep weight on a person who has a heart condition is very hard. they need constant feeding, and 'healthier' versions abviously dont do the job as well. a bag of crisps is easy for a child to eat if they will eat them, mine wouldnt turn down a bag of cheese and onion if offered daily.

dh said those higfh cal drinks were foul. he also used to take calogen as well.

ComeOVeneer · 19/09/2008 18:34

You say she will eat mash potato. Add cream, butter, milk to it. Would she detect it?

FairLadyRantALot · 19/09/2008 18:41

Also, does she drink Juices....even if you don't have a Juicer, getting good fruitjuice and blend it with avocado and put into a cup she can not detect the colour....! I don't like Avocado, but never found it offending at all in a Smoothie...

Does she like Custard or things like Angel Delight....whilest I know it's made with milk...but it doesn't tast of milk, iykwim...

Saying that, you have probably tried everything under the sun anyway....

Original poster
heartmummy · 19/09/2008 18:46

i have to say i have tried everything to the really expensive foods to the lower price its got to the point if she picks her nose i always remark think of the calories he he !!!

OP posts:
misdee · 19/09/2008 18:48

lol heartmummy. i'm not sure how many calories are in bogies, but think of the extra protein

rivenhasaparrotonhershoulder · 19/09/2008 18:50

whats wrong with crisps at a M&T? Ours does biscuits.

FairLadyRantALot · 19/09/2008 18:55

lol heart....
like I said, if you explain the circumstances I am sure everyone will be understanding

SqueakyPop · 19/09/2008 18:56

If you put them in a plastic tub, people will probably think you are feeding her cardboard rice cakes, or something uber healthy.

Getting out a noisy bag will probably lead to raised eyebrows.

Not nearly as serious as your situation, DD was intolerant of orange juice when she was little - she liked the taste but didn't fast-forward to the consequences. If we were out, she would often ask for orange juice. I remember in a restaurant, DH (very loud voice), saying, "no, orange juice is bad for you, have Sprite". We did get lots of middle class judgments .

rivenhasaparrotonhershoulder · 19/09/2008 18:57

do the other parents really sit their judging because your child has crisps?
DD has chocolate every day and cream and high calories stuff (not crisps cos she can't chew) and I have no idea if someone has sat there judging. Wouldn't care either.

lardybump · 19/09/2008 19:05

I take DD to 3 different M&T groups and they all have biscuits at snack time. I used to take fruit in for dd and she would eat it while they had the biscuits. Now she is 18 months and my healthy food thing has lapsed a bit she has biscuits at all of them as well..

FairLadyRantALot · 19/09/2008 19:45

riven....in teh surestart/children centre kind of groups, that I know off, you are not menat to give your child anything, other than the snack provided....because, often these centres are in an area where parents might consider having a KFC is healthy because it is chicken ...so, they try to open the parents minds to other foods and enable the Kids to try different fruits.veggies and whatever other healthy kind of snacks.... as mums may not buuy things they are not sure if their Kids will eat them (budget, aswell as anything else...)

rivenmetimbers · 19/09/2008 20:11

yeah, I visited one of those places once. only 8 kids allowed. And you had to sign up every week.
And they had grapes which dd coldn't eat.

saggyhairyarse · 19/09/2008 20:19

I can't believe there are groups where the kids have to eat the snack provided by the group.

Most groups round here seem to provide biscuits but my DS won't eat biscits soI take something for him. It could be a banana one week or a packet of crisps the next, no one bats an eyelid (I don't think!).

KristinaM · 19/09/2008 20:23

my Ds goes to a nursery which has a health eating policy so no crisps allowed

BUT your child has a special medical need need so they need to accommodate her. get a letter from your Gp if necessary

agree about quoting disability discrim stuff

like other have said, i would TRY to find an alternative if poss and put the crisps in a tub.
my Ds is the same age and can hear a crisp packet rustle at 30 paces

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 19/09/2008 20:25

My dd will also need a high fat diet and I will be giving her anything I can get into her, she has CF ...... If the toddler gruop or school were too complain can you get a community nurse of health visitor to have a chat for you? maybe educating / informing other parents might ease the feeling of doing something a bit different

Personally I would give her what even she wants if she's not long had her tube out, good luck and I hope all goes well