to think my dh is big a selfish twat, i am sick of him saying "i've been at work allday"

[waterdrop]

so fucking what i've been looking after the baby allday.

he is always doing it.

yesterday, didn't realise it at the time but dd 16 months was poorly, i just thought she was being a typical 16month old starting to assert her own mind.
so it was afairly tough day with her.

i had loads of errands to run [going to the bank etc]and we only have one car so i had to pick h up from work.
got home i fed the baby he started on tea.
when i finished feediing the baby i started helping him.
unloading the dishwasher.

dd was stressy and grissling in her highchair and h was stressing saying just give her a biscuit to shut her up.
so i said im just getting her some bread.
then he stormed over to the fridge slamming doors etc and got a biscuit out when i already got dd some bread.
then he was moaning about dd grisling saying oh ive been at work all day.
then poor old dd was sick everywhere.
he goes to the downstairs loo to get a tiny bit of tissue to clear it up.

then starts moaning oh this means no sleep tonight then,no real concern for dd just himself nd his sleep. dd is 16 months old and you can count on your hands the amount of sleepless nights she has had since shes been born, which i don't thinnk is too bad.
again h just being selfish that dds being ill is going to effect his sleep.

then after she goes to bed, shes crying crying crying so we bring her down after quite a while and shes sick everywhere again.
eventually we have to put her to bed as its so late, poor little thing was crying so much, she was coughing alot and at one point i thought it sounded like she had been sick again then it went quite so i was worried she might of chocked on her own vomit or something so i crept into her room to check on her.
she hadnt been sick and was just creeping back when dh started to shout in a whisper what are you doing get back here.
which did stir dd up more.
then i got the blame for disturbing her.
i explined i thought he might of choked on her own vomit, dh starts huffing and puffing and pulling off the bed covers.
making loads of noise.
saying oh i hope you get to enjoy your lie in tomorrow.
as it happens dd woke up and started crying as soon as the alarm went off anyway.

he he seems like a total twat and selfish idiot to me.
do you thinnk i'm right?

YANBU, but you'll find this is a common problem amongst many households, and like others have said, we joke about it these days as to who has the better deal, hubby out at work without baby, or me stuck at home with baby without the politics of the work environment. both have pros and cons, and both are extremely hard work.

FindtheRiver - you are right it should be thought of in terms of both parents contributing to childcare. Sadly not in my house and I suspect in many others.

What I was saying is that yes, the role of the wage earner should be respected but it is a two way street. I did respect the work that H was doing to support us (he did some really shite jobs) but he never recognised or respected my contribution. You can only keep having positive feelings towards someone for so long. Of course the worker is entitled to his/her lunchbreak, down time on the commute etc. I imagine that in the case of the OP she only began to do it when it became clear that he wasnt respecting her input. He clearly isnt by being concerned only with his own sleep. He is putting his role in the partnership firmly in first place, with no concern for her dd or her and their lack of sleep.

It is so easy to say well this is how you chose it etc. It is not always the case. Sometimes it is the only sensible way and if one partner consistently refuses to recognise and is disrespectful towards the contribution of the other then the other will be forced to defend their position. It is bloody exhausting let me tell you.

OP glad you have resolved it in some way. As I said before make sure you get it sorted now because it will only get worse otherwise.

waterdrop - as many have said i too could have written the OP, especially with dd (pfb). I hated dh with a passion and often dreamed about going it alone - why? Because he didn't appreciate what i did? Wtf kind of reason is that to split a family up? There has to be more to it. Sadly the resentment and bitterness just builds up and up.

It's only after I had ds and became less obsessed with my pfb and realised that other people didn't have to be quite so obsessed either that i finally got a grip!

But tbh i wish i had had findtheriver to talk to at the time(although i probably wouldn't have listened either).

Hey Waterdrop ) Sorry I've not been here till now, I had tempermental internet over th weekend!! Grr..

Glad that dh is at least making the right sounds for now, hope he sticks to it )

Feel free to messgae me anytime, think you can do it through here, mumsnet forward them or something like that.. or else I'll just keep checking fr you now and then!

K xx