To be FURIOUS that exp's new gf has pictures of ds splashed all over her effing facebook page

WendyWeber · 17/09/2008 22:49

No, YANBU (don't suppose that helps though. God, I would be too)

How new is she?

memoo · 17/09/2008 22:49

not sure about this one. I have pictures of My DP's children on my Facebook page. But we have been together for 2 years and I look after them most weekends

avenanap · 17/09/2008 22:49

I am for you awsell!

handlemecarefully · 17/09/2008 22:50

It seems a bit presumptuous of her. Still I suppose it means she likes them (which is good?)

Original poster

iLoveIceCream · 17/09/2008 22:51

Just a couple months im that cross i may report the pictures there is no need!!!

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GrinningGorilla · 17/09/2008 22:51

I would be fuming. They aren't her children I would ask your exp to tell her to take them off - you don't want your children being advertised like that on the net without your permission.

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 17/09/2008 22:53

i'd be mad hopping mad. on your behalf.

Original poster

iLoveIceCream · 17/09/2008 22:54

no, i know and what is even more infuriating is that he is wearing lots of different outfits in the pics so she's obviously there everytime my son is - so much for quality time with his dad

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solidgoldbrass · 17/09/2008 22:54

It's understandable that you're angry but please DON'T do anything about it, like insisting she takes them down. It will make you look like a demented vengeful hag.
It's not impossible that she may become stepmum to your DC, so try to think of it like this: if she likes them enough to put their pics on facebook then she will put effort and kindness into her relationship with them. If you start making a scene then the fallout will hurt your DC.
Your XP is not your partner any more, he is your co-parent to your DC and it is in everyone's best interests to keep the co-parent relationship as amicable as possible.
That includes you: devoting energy to hating an XP's new partner is a waste of time, looking after yourself and focussing on your own life is much better for you.

Of course, if you need a good rant, MN is always useful.

Original poster

iLoveIceCream · 17/09/2008 22:58

hmm well if that was the case i wouldnt be so mad but they've split up oh i dunno 4 times already so i doubt its serious.

Believe me I wouldn't do anything to hurt my child, but exp certainly doesnt think that way, he just does as he pleases as he always has

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SpandexIsMyEnemy · 17/09/2008 22:58

he might not be the partner any more sgb, but on the other hand if I found out either beau or XH's partner had put DS's pics online i'd go mad at both - and I know XH wouldn't be best impressed as we have an agreement that DS's pics are not online.

so if they have a similar sort of agreement then i'd say the OP is within her rights to ask for the pics to be removed.

memoo · 17/09/2008 23:00

what solidgoldbrass said

Original poster

iLoveIceCream · 17/09/2008 23:03

you're right, this isnt about my ex its about my son and hundreds of people who I dont know looking at his picture, my page is private so only friends can view it - hers is obviously not because I got onto it

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GrinningGorilla · 17/09/2008 23:04

IceCream - Undortunately it is not inconceivable that this woman has put the pictures up to piss you off (do you get on with her?) She may have done it too because she is trying to stake her claim to your ex and all that comes with him. Perhaps she wants to make sure you know she's got her feet well under the table, does she see you as a threat???

Original poster

iLoveIceCream · 17/09/2008 23:10

oh yeah id say i was a threat to her, a month ago exp and i were at a mutual friends christening where he yelled across the room at me that he wants to make more babies with me then marched over and laid the lips on me. He was told to eff off then he started moaning that the new gf was a bunny boiler and that he couldnt stand her, good going for a new relationship eh

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memoo · 17/09/2008 23:12

I'm going to play devils advocate here.

You have to keep in mind that they are your ex's children too and no matter what you think of his new girlfriend and their relationship he is entitled to involve his partner in your DC's lives if he feels it appropriate.

Believe me I do know how hard it it. I had to go through similar feelings when my ex husband met someone else but I also realised that although they are my children, I have to relenquish control to my ex some of the time too.

Soprana · 17/09/2008 23:15

I wouldn't insist she takes them down (ditto solidgoldbrass on that one) but you could ask her to change privacy settings on them. I take lots of pics, including pics of other people's kids and put them on Facebook but set the privacy level to friends only. That way browsers and other neer-do-wells can't get hold of them. Good luck. For what it's worth it'd make me seethe as well.

Original poster

iLoveIceCream · 17/09/2008 23:17

I understand that totally, believe me there is no chance I would enter back into a relationship with him, even if he didnt have this new girlfriend. The issue is that I dont want his picture put online by someone I dont know, who's profile is public so anyone can see them if they want,

Its fucking out of order IMO

But I suppose I'l have to let it go, like I have to let everything go or I'd spend my entire life arguing with him

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jojostar · 17/09/2008 23:18

As a mother I would be very very annoyed at any pictures of my child on the internet.
It is far too dangerous. As a stepmother I would never even consider putting my dsd's pictures anywhere let alone the internet. Can you not contact facebook and have them taken off her account? I personally would not stand for anyone doing this whether it made me look a hag or not. Who gives a shit what she thinks theres pictures of your children on the internet they could be used for anything. can you not have a word with your ex?

memoo · 17/09/2008 23:22

I know its hard, I really do. There have been times when my ex has pissed me off so badly with things about the kids that I have cried with anger.

I do agree with the others about asking them to change the privacy setting because I understand why you wouldn't want all and sundry to see pics.

Try not to let it get to you though, not just for your DS's sake but for your sake too, these things can get eat you up otherwise.

You know you can always let off steam to us guys on here x

Original poster

iLoveIceCream · 17/09/2008 23:24

He would just view it as an attack on him and getting my own way. He views having my child's best interests in mind getting my own way you see.

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S1ur · 17/09/2008 23:24

I do not think it is dangerous.

I do think it would come as a helluva shock to see my dc on web when I didn't pt them there.

I think a wee friendly email asking to change privacy settings would be okay and remind her of your concerns and involvement.

On one hand the fact she wants to show them off is probably good. But from your pov I see that her 'ownership' of them would piss you off!

Don't just let it slide if it bugs you, talk/email/txt, try to be nice and gentle to avoid problems but say something or you'll be all pent up and cross.

jojostar · 17/09/2008 23:29

he sounds reasonable I'm all for fathers rights and 'our child' however I would probably go mental and phone the police but I really don't agree with having childrens pictures on the internet. Its not even his page is it...Whats she like could you have a word with her?.

Original poster

iLoveIceCream · 17/09/2008 23:32

Never even met her.

I only found out he had a gf (when we were sort of back together) on the dreaded facebook.

I've more than likely overreacted to the situation, I just dont like the idea of her acting like he's her child I suppose, its very upsetting

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jojostar · 17/09/2008 23:34

It depends on what you are actually annoyed about..
Is it because you sons picture is on the internet?
or
is it because she put it there and not you?