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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

by not driving after having 2 glasses of wine?

51 replies

kerryk · 15/09/2008 12:45

we had a bit of a family gathering last night.

i was feeling a bit off so only had 2 small glasses of wine about 5-30-6-00.

my cousin was here with her threee small ds's and had quite a lot to drink.

about 9-00 she asked me what i had been drinking and i truthfully said 2 glasses, she then asked me to run her home to save the money on a taxi.

i refused point blank, i have never had a drink then driven. to me it is just not worth the risk and i would much rather just do without rather than trying to calculate if i am over the limit or not.

anyway this all resulted in a huge argument, there was no taxi's available till later on and i was made to feel guilty about the three young boys being out of bed so late.

chances are i would have been under the limit, nothing would have happened and the three little ones would have been home and in bed at a normal hour.

was i being a bit over the top?

OP posts:
bronze · 15/09/2008 12:47

No. You were right. she was unreasonable. I wish more people stuck to their guns

DanJARMouse · 15/09/2008 12:47

NO!

Well done you. If only everyone was like you.

I refuse to get behind the wheel after even a sip of alcohol, and so it should be.

Sorry your cousin got so pissed off over it, but you did the right thing.

lulumama · 15/09/2008 12:48

no, she should not expect you to drink and drive. she should have booked a taxi, and then there would have been no waiting around.

chacnes are you would not have been over the limit, but so what? you chose not to drink and drive. it should not be up for debate!

Turniphead1 · 15/09/2008 12:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

fizzledizzle · 15/09/2008 12:49

you definately did the right thing. if she was that worried she should have booked the taxi home earlier in the evening

newforold · 15/09/2008 12:49

No YANBU. I never drive if i have had more than one small glass of wine with a meal.

It's not just about being over or under the limit. Your reactions are impaired whether or not you are aware of it.

Also, if your cousin knew she would have to get her three small children home at some point why was she trying to make you feel responsible for her staying out late.
9pm on a sunday night would already have been late for three little ones in my opinion.

BitOfFun · 15/09/2008 12:49

No, it is about whether you feel comfortable driving with any alcohol in you, not the legal limit. If you feel tense about it then it might affect your driving and her kids' safety. She should have organised a taxi if she was going to get pissed - not your problem. Although trying to reason with someone who has had a few drinks is always a bad move , not surprised it ended in tears. Not your fault though.

Gobbledigook · 15/09/2008 12:50

It's not up to her to make your decision for you.

However, if I'd had had 2 glasses of wine at 5.30/6pm and eaten - I'd have driven at 9pm no problem.

MmeLindt · 15/09/2008 12:50

No, YANBU, she is responsible for her family, not you. She should have booked a taxi if she wanted to drink.

Gobbledigook · 15/09/2008 12:51

Hmmm, I think.....

AuntieMaggie · 15/09/2008 12:52

Not at all - people's driving can be affected even if they are under the limit when they've been drinking and thousands of accidents are caused by this.

I don't drive if I've had anything to drink because I don't feel safe doing so.

If anyone was being unreasonable it was your cousin who was prepared to put her dc's at risk like this.

Besides which.... what about car seats? Did she have them with her?

compo · 15/09/2008 12:52

even if you had taken her home and her 3 ds' there wouldn't have been enough room in your car, i'm assuming your oh was out?

MmeLindt · 15/09/2008 12:52

What is the story in UK? Here in Germany, if you have an accident (even if someone else causes it) you can sometimes have problems with your insurance if you have been drinking even if you are within the legal limit.

AbbaFan · 15/09/2008 12:52

YANBU

Your cousin is responsible for getting her children home at a decent hour, not you. Well done for not backing down.

Original poster
kerryk · 15/09/2008 12:53

yes i had eaten at the same time i had the glasses of wine.

i did think myself that i would be ok but i have never driven after drinking before so felt that i would have been doing something i do disagree with by getting behind the wheel.

i did feel pretty crap about the kids though.

i need to go and visit them tonight to hand in birthday cards and i am really not loking forward to it.

OP posts:
laweaselmys · 15/09/2008 12:53

You're good. I don't know about you, but I cannot guess how many units just by glass size. It is definately best to be cautious, so don't feel the need to get reassurance from MN!!

BTW, I know you feel bad about keeping her boys up, but it's hardly the worst thing that's ever going to happen to them in their life...

cocolepew · 15/09/2008 12:54

YANBU she shouldn't have got pissed or booked a taxi, her children being out of bed was due to her not you.

MarlaSinger · 15/09/2008 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
kerryk · 15/09/2008 12:56

there was enough room in the car and i did havce the proper car seats ( my own dd's ones)

i think thats what made me feel even more guilty.

it was a toss up between putting them in my car with the proper seats (after i had been drinking) or sending them home in a taxi which had no car seats at all.

i did offer her the car seats btw and said i would pick them up the following day but i was told not to bother.

OP posts:
Blu · 15/09/2008 12:56

Your cousin behaved very badly.

You may well have been inside the legal limit, but there are times when I know after one small drink that it has affected me...and no-one should ever pessurise someone to drive once they have said 'no, I've had a drink'. There are other times when i've had 4 glasses of wine, and been sure I felt fine...but that's the moment to excercise serious responsibility and not take the risk, either.

She was being unreasonable, lazy, self-centred, irresponsible and mean!

MaryAnnSingleton · 15/09/2008 12:56

no YANBU at all - she was totally wrong. Good for you

MuffinMclay · 15/09/2008 12:58

YANBU at all.

I won't drive if I've drunk anything, even if under the legal limit. I know that my reactions and judgement are impaired.

Upwind · 15/09/2008 12:58

YANBU - I don't drive after any alcohol because I feel my concentration is affected

My DH will drive after a pint or a glass of wine, he is under the limit and feels his concentration is unaffected so I am very happy for him to drive others. It is a personal decision once you are within the law.

bloomingfedup · 15/09/2008 13:04

YANBU. I have never drank alchol and drove either. TBH 1 glass of wine affects me so nocan do.

Soapbox · 15/09/2008 13:06

Like you I never drink and drive.

It is just too subjective to know when you've had too much, and it is an area that I don't want to be subjective about.

If I killed someone after drinking, whether or not I was over the limit, it would ruin the rest of my life and obviously there's too!