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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect husband to be within an hr away for the remaining 4wks of pregnancy?

28 replies

roygbiv · 14/09/2008 00:41

The nhs website says 13 percent of births are pre 37 wks. His job takes him on a trip that will mean he's over 2.5 hrs away when I'm 37 wks. My 1st labour was 9hrs long and 5 days early. The thought of doing 2.5 hrs alone is too terrifying! Parental presence def not an option! Am I bein unreasonable?

OP posts:
bellabelly · 14/09/2008 00:44

TBH, I think yabu - a bit. You could go well overdue and I think being less than 3 hours away is not that big a deal - SO LONG AS he absolutely promises to get back by your side th emoment you phone and say your waters have broken / you've felt a contraction.

Original poster
roygbiv · 14/09/2008 00:50
Sad
OP posts:
minorbird · 14/09/2008 00:57

Well... knowing that only 5% of mothers go into labour on their birth date... and being a mother who spent 3 days in labour after going 14 days overdue... I think you may be being slightly panicky BUT I think you have every reason to be! You are withchild, hormonal, 37 weeks pregnant and since your partner has not had the privalige/burden of carrying a child to term and ultimately giving birth, the least he can do is be there!!!! And tbh, the latter outweighs all the former so no, you are not being U!!!

ScottishMummy · 14/09/2008 01:01

roygbiv you have two simultaneous threads,same topic?

Original poster
roygbiv · 14/09/2008 01:05

Thanks minorbird! x

OP posts:
pacinofan · 14/09/2008 08:44

Could you ask a close friend to be there with you at the birth? I, too, was in your predicament and there was no way my dh was able to approach his company and request being 'around', works as a pilot so is anywhere and everywhere. I was getting myself very worked up about being alone for our daughter's birth, in the end my closest friend suggested she be with me. I had strong gut feelings she would arrive early and my dh would miss it and sure enough, that's what happened. However, I should add what a wonderful birth it was - sounds atrange but him not being there in no detracted from a great birthing experience. My husband 'phoned me to let me know he had gained his promotion and I was able to tell him our daugther had arrived safely - it is a phonecall I will never forget.

I really hope you manage to find a solution, try not to stress too much. There are actually mums on here who have given birth alone and had wonderful births, the absolute priority is a safe delivery for your precious one.

belgo · 14/09/2008 08:47

I wouldn't like it, but it's a bit difficult when it's for work, he may not have that much choice.

A lot of labours start at night time and for a second time labour, you may get warning signs anyway taht things are going to happen.

compo · 14/09/2008 08:53

god I laboured all night on my own at home until finally waking dh up and getting him to drive me to hospital
sometimes it's better to do these things alone

CantSleepWontSleep · 14/09/2008 08:55

2.5 hrs away is hardly a long way is it? My dh flew to Dublin for the week when I was 37 weeks pregnant. In fact in my first pregnancy he was there until I was over 39 weeks.

YABU.

Hassled · 14/09/2008 09:02

I do understand why you feel like you do, but second labours are not, IME, carbon-copies of first labours. As long as he is constantly phone-able and able to leave as soon as you get a twinge, then YABU.

bumbling · 14/09/2008 09:15

Totally understand, but very hard to make them do it. Friend is a good idea. Mine went to china for last three weeks of mine, though I was early, and I went into labour three days after he came back. Phew!

poissonfou · 14/09/2008 09:16

yabu-life has to carry on-it certainly does after the event...it's not so far away so i'm sure you'll have the time to notify him
good luck!

LadyMuck · 14/09/2008 09:19

Can see why you are twitchy, but YABU.

Out of interest do you need him for support in labour or to look after your child?

lulumama · 14/09/2008 09:21

YABU but i understand why

make sure you have a friend on standby as has been suggested

i was in the same situation with my DH when i was pregnant, as it happened, i went into labour on my just before my due date, and had a long latent stage anyway. so he had more than enough time to get back if he was away.

FairLadyRantALot · 14/09/2008 09:23

I think YABU...but can understand your worries.
When pg with ds2 my dh had to go to Northern Ireland to help out with the Firefighter strike (and we were living near Bristol a the time)...I was not happy about that....but had a friend who was able to come in with me and stay with me until he would arrive.
I labourewd lovely and slow that time, and I know that my body was waiting for dh to get to the hossie....I said all along ds would not be born until he was there....my dh arrived late afternoon , as he walked thorugh the door to my room, my contractions went from nive and ocmfortable (but doing their Job) to horrendously painful....and ds was born within the hour of him arriving
It's not uncommon for that to happen....

bumbling · 14/09/2008 09:26

Also the thing is that for many of us contractions start and you'll wait hours and hours, even days, before anything happens so he'd have time to get back anyway. When my waters broke in the early hours I was so shocked that the moment had finaly come I didn't wake DH up for two hours anyway. I thought it was better if one of us got a good night's sleep and it gave me time to get my head together!

Miaou · 14/09/2008 09:26

If he was going to be that for away for, say a footie match or something, i would say YANBU. But it's his job, so I think YABU to ask him to rearrange his work to such an extent. You could end up, as I did, having a second baby 12 days late, after the first one being 5 days early, so it could be a major inconvenience for him lasting six weeks! Just make sure that his work knows what's going on and that he is contactable at all times and can just drop and run as soon as you call him.

Nbg · 14/09/2008 09:29

My dh had to go and work over an hour away for 3 days when I was 40 weeks with my third.
He had to do it as it was training for his job.
But he spoke to the tutor, explained the situation and he kept his mobile switched on and by his side all the time.

I was lucky as we knew about it in advance and my mum took 3 days leave from work and stayed with me.
If you have any friends or good neighbours then speak to them about it and see if you can get any help if you need it.

As it turned out for me, my baby arrived the day after my dh had finished his training
Bloody good job really cos on his last day a great big farking lorry smashed into the back of the car when it was parked and dh spent the day faffing on with that.

ghosty · 14/09/2008 09:31

Like others I completely understand why you are scared but if it is his job to be on the road YABU I'm afraid.
My DH's work means he has to be on the road a lot and when DS was born he used to have to drive about 1000 miles a week. He was often at least 2/3 hours away and there was nothing I could do about it - it's his job.
If he was going clubbing or to a sports match or drinking with his mates however, well, that's something completely different ...

bubblagirl · 14/09/2008 09:39

my dp worked long hours and worked away when close to the time well all way through

but it was understood at first signs even if false alrarm he would make his way back

work is work and his working to provide for family and unable to not do this usually from first sign he would have time to get back if unable to its not his fault have a close relative or friend as back up incase quick birth

im afriad however much we want them there they still have to work and if unable to work closer then thats not there fault and shouldnt be made to feel bad about it who knows when birth will start so he cant take time off as could be early could be late the best you can do is understand his working not away enjoying himself

and more than anything is probably worried about not being there himself added pressure of knowing he has to work and then another added pressure that its upsetting you and naff all he can do

i hope all works out and he gets back in time when time comes in mean time do not make him feel guilty

bubblagirl · 14/09/2008 09:40

just to add my dp was 4 hrs away and came back and got back in time for ds being born

Twelvelegs · 14/09/2008 09:47

No you are not being unreasonable. You will uncomfortable, tired, already have one child? However, if it's unavoidable I can't see what you can do.
My DH has just cancelled a conference in October (end of) as I'm due 10th Nov and will have a c section 3rd. He's also decided Oasis is not a good move on the 24th October.... needless to say, according to me, he was never going a) without me, b) without me or c) without me.

babymt · 14/09/2008 09:55

YANBU. My dh does a job where he can be as far as Scotland (we live in Southern England) but we decided that in the last 4 weeks he wouldn't go further than 2 hours away. He managed to squeeze in all his meetings in before 36 weeks and just told everyone else why he couldn't come and as far as I know no-one had a problem with it. Unfortunately last time I did go 10 days overdue so it was unnecessary but we didn't know that at the time.

My first labour took 4 days. My 2nd labour was 3.5 hours.

If he can be closer then I think he should.

babymt · 14/09/2008 09:56

Oh and I also made my dh keep his phone on in meetings incase I had to ring him as he normally doesn't take his phone in. Once again everyone was very understanding.

constancereader · 14/09/2008 10:01

All those who say that there will be plenty of time - well there would have been for you obviously! But I had an extremely short labour with my first baby and my dh is not planning to be more than an hour away this time. OP - YANBU.

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