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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit cheesed off! (my first AIBU so please be gentle.)

30 replies

slightlycrumpled · 12/09/2008 19:31

Sent out ds's party invitations to school last week. They have a very small number of children in the class and therefore we invited all of them. He has only just started school so he doesn't know all of them really well.

Had one mum say her child was unable to come as his birthday is the same day. I said thats a shame and thought no more about it.

Found out today that the other child is now having a party on the same day as ds, and has also invited the same children ds has.

Bearing in mind my child's invitations went out a week ago I just think this is a little odd. Had the other child's invitiations gone out first I would have changed ds's party.

Please be gentle with me as this is my very first AIBU post. I am also aware that I may be BU but DS has started school on a full statement of special needs and I'm very slightly sensitive.

OP posts:
yummymummy1405 · 12/09/2008 19:33

oh no yanbu very bad birthday party etiquette on her behalf. mayb suggest a joint party?

cikecaka · 12/09/2008 19:34

Definately dont think you abu, I agree with you totally. Seems very strange

dustystar · 12/09/2008 19:34

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Obviously she has the right to have a party for her child whenever she wants but it does seem starnge that she didn't mention it when she told you her child wouldn't be able to come.

Have you had any responses yet?

traceybath · 12/09/2008 19:35

agree with yummy - poor behaviour.

we are going to a party tomorrow and one on sunday as 2 boys in same class with similar birthdays - the mums made sure they were on different days.

JuneBugJen · 12/09/2008 19:35

Its an emotional minefield the world of kids parties.

Perhaps suggest joint part or why not move the date just so you can make sure there is no competition.

(Agree with yummy - poor party etiquette.)

PheasantPlucker · 12/09/2008 19:36

Yes, that's rather shitty of her. Not nice.

littlepig · 12/09/2008 19:37

joint party sounds like a reasonable suggestion... might be difficult to work with the other mum but maybe worth a try...? Maybe she's just a bit thoughtless, not crass and stupid...?

Twelvelegs · 12/09/2008 19:38

I would have thought the other mother could have asked what time yours was or asked to combine etc.
TBF to the other mother though, starting school is a social tightrope for many parents. Do you please your child? Or others etc. Had she forgotten to send the invites and was feeling guilty and stumped by yours?
YANBU and has the other child invited your DS?
This houses' policy is to go to the first invite if parties clash, unless we're unsure in the first place whether to go. Fingers crossed for you.

Carmenere · 12/09/2008 19:40

Yes but can the kids not go to two parties on the same day. this happened with two of dd's classmates and we all went to the party in the morning and the party in the afternoon and it was a lovely day. DD was knackered but happy

ScottishMummy · 12/09/2008 19:40

is that the other child B'Day?or a day that suits them?.imagine she didnt do it maliciously

tricky one

not sure how it resolves
suppose cant really ask her to cancel in preference to yours

could one of you jig time about so both parties dont clash?a morning party and afternoon party

congratulations on your boy starting school did he look sweet in uniform?

Original poster
slightlycrumpled · 12/09/2008 19:40

I think I might suggest a joint party when I see her next week at school.

Wish she had told me that was what she was planning when she declined her ds's invitation, and I probably would have suggested it at the time.

Glad it's the weekend actually as I might have got over it by monday!

OP posts:
Original poster
slightlycrumpled · 12/09/2008 19:42

Sorry forgot to add the parties are at exactly the same time or attending both would have been an option, and no Ds has not been invited.

OP posts:
funnypeculiar · 12/09/2008 19:44

Humm, can see that it's very annoying.

Tbh, I can imagine she just wasn't sure how to proceed (esp if it's a party where she's booked a venue and probably can't cancel at this stage) Assuming he's her first, she may not know what the right thing is to do (I wouldn't) so has sort of frozen & gone ahead regardless.

funnypeculiar · 12/09/2008 19:46

x-post
Suggesting a jopint party sounds very sensible

How's your ds settling into school (mine starts on Tuesday & having been very calm, I'm suddenly bricking it)

MuggleBorn · 12/09/2008 19:47

Tis out of order for sure.

Original poster
slightlycrumpled · 12/09/2008 19:49

He looks totally adorable in his uniform and he's actually settled really well.

His favourite part of the day is lunch time. DS2 is obviously a fan of school dinners!

Is your DS looking forward to starting school? It does seem a long time until half past three!

I think I'll give it a few days and see what further responses we get and maybe consider changing the time.

OP posts:
tiggerlovestobounce · 12/09/2008 19:55

Thats pretty rude of her. Have many people accepted your invite yet?

tiggerlovestobounce · 12/09/2008 19:55

BTW YANBU

Original poster
slightlycrumpled · 12/09/2008 19:57

There is only eleven in the class at the moment and we have had six acceptances, and to be fair these are from the children that DS knew from pre-school.

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 12/09/2008 20:07

i can see both sides here,maybe she had made her plans but slow with invite.dont make a deal of it your ds will be same year

now you both know each other's birthdays, wont clash next year

MargeSimpsonMyAlterEgo · 12/09/2008 20:17

From what I remember of 5 year olds (is he 5?) I would imagine 6 plus DS was PLENTY!!

cornsilk · 12/09/2008 20:18

Where is the other party? She may have booked it ages ago.

beanieb · 12/09/2008 20:23

So she has invited all the other children but not your son?

Original poster
slightlycrumpled · 12/09/2008 20:24

Hi yes he is going to be five and your right. Six is enough!

The other party is at her house! I think that is what is so irritating tbh. But SM's right no point making any kind of deal about it and it won't happen next year thats for sure.

OP posts:
Original poster
slightlycrumpled · 12/09/2008 20:27

beanie, I'm not sure tbh, but have had three mums phone me up this afternoon to say did I know the other party invitations had gone out today. I guess it would be rather pointless to invite DS to a party at the same time as his own is meant to be happening.

OP posts: