Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To avoid seeing old friends and family members because I've ballooned?

31 replies

ColumboWearsControlPants · 11/09/2008 22:49

Title says it all really. Used to be thin. Now I am fat. I've made excuses for not seeing old school friends and even for not making it to a family reunion (long lost relative from childhood), but when I think about it, the ONLY reason why I didn't go is because I don't want them to see how I've put on 3 stone.

OP posts:
ethanchristopher · 11/09/2008 22:50

yabu

they wont care

how old is your dc?

or join a gym...

BibiThree · 11/09/2008 22:52

Unreasonable - I'd say yes but understandable. I did/do the same thing but for me it's a mixture of lack of confidence and depression. They won't care, we all know that, but it's hard to shake. Is the weight the only issue? My confidence goes down as my depression goes up, but now I know when that's happening I can manage it a lot better.

Original poster
ColumboWearsControlPants · 11/09/2008 22:54

No the weight is not the only issue really - first came stress then depression then came weight gain. I guess I feel if they see the change in me they know I feel a failure in life?

OP posts:
hifi · 11/09/2008 22:54

your old school friends have probably balloned aswell.well some of them.
start making an effort now, be ready for xmas, have a goal.

Starbear · 11/09/2008 22:55

Columbo. I'm in the same boat Haven't gone to the Battersea Ball for years as it's expensive and for that money I want to look slim and fab. Will be meeting all old work collegues for long service event this time next year Was size 10 and fit now size 16 and flabby. Want to work on this together?

Original poster
ColumboWearsControlPants · 11/09/2008 22:58

You're right - and I am making an effort - I'm low carbing and trying to exercise more...but FGS why is it that you can eat loads and stay roughly the same but to lose weight you have to go through sheer torture?

I accept IABU though.

OP posts:
Original poster
ColumboWearsControlPants · 11/09/2008 23:00

Starbear - the thing is I've kept putting people off, thinking I can change for next time but I haven't done it. Also same as you - was size 10, now size 16. We should do a virtual bootcamp or something. It's the psychology of it that is hard for me - at some level I haven't tackled the issues that made me slide into weight gain.

OP posts:
Helga80 · 11/09/2008 23:04

Not unreasonable no, but do you want to lose contact with everyone on the basis of your weight.

It's a very easy trap to fall into (one I did a couple of years back).

As harsh as it sounds you've got to accept your size/shape and get one with it or do something about it or life could get very lonely. Easier said then done and I can't really claim to be following my own advice!

Starbear · 11/09/2008 23:07

I've got a thing about the right time to exercise and its never now. Drink tea and eat biscuits like other people have a fag.
DS is great he loves to exercise. DH is a PE teacher and is so lovely he never says a word. I also show my love by cooking!! Do you really fancy an online bootcamp? Shall we have a go?!! Must go to bed now as I get up at 6am for work. But think about it and get back to me.

Original poster
ColumboWearsControlPants · 11/09/2008 23:07

Also the sad thing is there are hardly any photos of me with DS because I'm always screeching "Don't get me in the photo" and trying to haul my carcass out of view. It's pathetic, it really is.

OP posts:
Original poster
ColumboWearsControlPants · 11/09/2008 23:09

Yes, Starbear - I do think we should do something. I'll speak to you tomorrow.

OP posts:
Starbear · 11/09/2008 23:10

Haven't gone yet. How about do execise and diet like those fly threads. Get in touch the night before Plan the next day then see how we did?

Starbear · 11/09/2008 23:11

Goodnight

BEAUTlFUL · 11/09/2008 23:15

I'll do this too. I'm 3 stone heavier than I should be, and am avoiding EVERYONE. I'm so in.

BEAUTlFUL · 11/09/2008 23:15

If that's OK with you two, of course? Crap, I'm fat and bossy.

AwakeStill · 11/09/2008 23:23

And me - I'm doing this now with baby weight and have done it before. I said to myself before that you get one shot at it, and have to change right away because of it, otherwise you'll cancel everything forever and that's just too sad. Also - get your lovely self in some photos, pronto. Its DS' record (and also you'll be able to look back on them in a few months time and think, look how far I've come, and look at all the Christmas invitations I'm loving saying yes to!!)

BEAUTlFUL · 11/09/2008 23:30

I bet you don't look that bad, honestly. After DS1, I felt massive but I see photos of me then a blurred, panic-stricken woman streaking out of shot, hand stretched towards camera and I actually looked lovely! The bits you could see, anyway.

Three stone isn't that much. It's enough to transform you when you lose it, but when you gain it, it's not enough to turn you from a size 10 into one of those amorphous, American-style Fat People.

KVC · 12/09/2008 08:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kiddiz · 12/09/2008 08:22

I lost over 3 stone after dd was born going to ww. DD is now 11 and sadly over the last couple of years the weight has slowly crept back on. I used to belong to a gym but had to cancel my membership after dh was diagnosed with cancer. That plus the stress of DH's illness plus reaching 40 means the weight I lost is nearly all back again.
I completely sympathise with you as I do the same thing.
I can't go back to ww as DH is about to be made redundant so I can't afford the weekly fee anymore. I really must do something though as the weight is making me miserable. I'm supposed to go to a work mate's birthday do on Saturday but don't want to go just because I have nothing to wear I feel ok in.

everlong · 12/09/2008 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Niecie · 12/09/2008 09:30

I am glad I am not alone. I am the same.

I have put on 4 stone since DS2 was born and I am avoiding some people.

We were invited to a BBQ last Sunday and put it off because DS2 was starting school on Monday and I didn't want him to have a big day out the day before.

In the back of my mind though, was the feeling that I can't let them see me like this.

And no, they haven't all put on weight. Most of them have lost unless they have had a baby in the last year but then they have an excuse and still don't look as big as me. I have no excuse.

I have big plans that now both DSs are at school that I can get some exercise and lose the weight but I haven't found the motivation yet. You'd think looking in the mirror would be enough, wouldn't you?

OrmIrian · 12/09/2008 09:36

I sympathise. But the reunion is quite a good target. Low-carbing is a good way to lose weight - I'ev found it worked really well. Can you also try some running? Or join a gym.

pickupthismess · 12/09/2008 10:59

OK ladies - today you have made me decide to do something.

I have put on 4 stone over two pregnancys and am SO fed up with myself. I can't fit into anything any more. I have been avoiding going to see a friend (who lives far away) for over a year just because I keep thinking I'll get it off. I've started a couple of diets but am absolutely crap.

Columbo, I'm so with you. I have almost no photos of me with the kids - and I'm really sorry.

TheConfusedOne · 12/09/2008 11:05

I hate it have doubled in size since having to take steroids, and saw a friend I hadn't seen in about 5 years, his face said it all.

Hate looking in the mirror.

Janos · 12/09/2008 11:07

I really do sympathise but please don't cut yourself off from friends because you've put on some weight - that's a way of punishing yourself and you haven't done anything wrong!

Your friends will want to see you. Who knows, they may be able to offer some support and encouragement for losing weight?