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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not have mil to stay for Christmas

29 replies

cheshirekitty · 06/09/2008 20:23

Every year we have my mil to stay for Christmas. This year we sold our 5 bed house and bought a 2 bed apartment. My 19 year old daughter will be home for Christmas and we will not have room for mil.

My husband phoned her to let her know and give her plenty of time to do something else. She had offers last year to go to her sils, but refused until we asked her to stay with us again.

She has told my sil she believes we only moved into a 2 bed apartment so we don't have to have her!!(Not true, it was done for financial reasons).

She has done loads of nasty things to me in the past, and just for once I would like a nice Christmas, just dh, me and dd.

So AIBU. Thoughts please.

OP posts:
takingitasitcomes · 06/09/2008 20:37

You say that it's a space issue, but then the last sentence makes it clear that it's all a bit more than that. If you wanted to have her there for Christmas, surely your 19 yr old could cope sleeping on a blow-up mattress on the floor? But you don't want her there... and she knows it. Very tricky situation. How does DH feel? If she is nasty, then YANBU. However, if she's a slightly nasty sad older lady, then maybe it is a bit harsh to leave her feeling unwanted at Christmas time?

BouncingTurtle · 06/09/2008 20:38

I didn't think you were BU until I got to the bit about 'She has done loads of nasty things to me in the past'. Then I KNEW you were DEFINITELY NBU!

Let your DH sort it out though, she's his mother.

dizzydixies · 06/09/2008 20:40

time for dh to speak up and make sure she goes somewhere else, christmas is a special time and if she ruins it intentionally she shouldn't be welcome

PavlovtheCat · 06/09/2008 20:40

Regardless of the reason, if you have had her there for a few years in a row, and you would like a family just you, DH and DD, then YANBU.

It is not like she is going to be eating a frozen xmas dinner on her own. She is wanted elsewhere as well as yours.

Original poster
cheshirekitty · 06/09/2008 20:41

mil has suggested we turf dd out to a hotel so we can have mil. Somehow, do not think that will happen. (Lounge is so small, will not take a blow up mattress).

OP posts:
LittleMyDancing · 06/09/2008 20:42

if she didn't have anywhere else to go, I would say you were BU. But sounds like she could easily go to SIL's place.

Why doesn't she want to go there?

Original poster
cheshirekitty · 06/09/2008 20:43

Just to let you know what she does, one year I was working nights all over Christmas. Heard door banging, bang, bang, bang. Snuck downstairs and she was opening and shutting the door so it would bang???So much for trying to get a sleep.

Wonder if she does it for attention or is she just a mad person.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 06/09/2008 20:44

i think i'd plan to leave town, tbh.

or just put out that we were going on holiday this year and had already booked the lodging, just you, DH and your DD.

BreeVanderCampLGJ · 06/09/2008 20:46

You have done you purgatory.

Do not feel guilty, move on.

twoluvlykids · 06/09/2008 20:47

she actually suggested you send your dd to a hotel for xmas? shock horror, she sounds a bit rotten to me, yanbu, but make dh sort it out!

takingitasitcomes · 06/09/2008 20:48

She sounds a wee bit mad TBH. Dealing with slightly loopey and nasty relatives is horrid. Such a mixture of love/hate/guilt etc. Like the others, I think you are being reasonable to want a year off. Have you or DH spoken to MIL's SIL about it? Perhaps the SIL could make a big fuss about wanting MIL this year to make her feel better?

MrsMattie · 06/09/2008 20:49

She's got a daughter. Why doesn't she have her for a nice change

dizzydixies · 06/09/2008 20:50

pmsl - well said Bree!

Original poster
cheshirekitty · 06/09/2008 20:50

Have decided to let dh deal with it. Just said to him, this year it is me, you and dh only.

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 06/09/2008 20:51

well said! stay strong

cupsoftea · 06/09/2008 20:51

yanbu - wonder why she doesn't go to your sils - perhaps she's been told no. How horrid to say your dd should go to a hotel!! Just refuse to have her to stay.

takingitasitcomes · 06/09/2008 20:51

Good move - it really is his minefield to cross!

cupsoftea · 06/09/2008 20:52

Call her & remind her about the door banging - unacceptable & nasty.

StayFrosty · 07/09/2008 01:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ninedragons · 07/09/2008 06:30

What did she say when you caught her red-handed banging the door?

branflake81 · 07/09/2008 06:58

I think it's one day of the year, it would make her happy to be there, it's Christmas and you should just squeeze her in. YABU.

Original poster
cheshirekitty · 07/09/2008 08:20

When I caught her banging the door (dh and dd had gone out shopping) she said she thought I had had enough sleep (4 hours and was doing another night shift that night).

My bil will not have her for xmas, but I think this year he will have to. Out of 21 xmas's together we have had only 1 with just dd, dh and me.

She is passive agressive, and I think if she does come to the apartment this year, she could end up being pushed offfalling off the balcony.

OP posts:
sunnydelight · 07/09/2008 08:35

No, YANBU. My MIL stuffed up my Christmas for more years than I care to remember and one of the greatest joys in leaving for Australia was the knowledge that I will never, ever have to have her for Christmas again Enjoy your family Christmas; if she had no other options it would be different but she has, and if she chooses not to take them that's her problem, not yours.

lalalonglegs · 07/09/2008 08:44

Oh God, don't tell me we're onto moaning about Christmas arrangements already?

sunnydelight · 07/09/2008 08:50

Like lots of people on here, I get on very well with MY family lala

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