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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect DH to not go off by himself for 1 day of a 5 day holiday

109 replies

wearehipsandmakers · 05/09/2008 08:59

Off to the Lakes tomorrow to stay with my parents- nice relaxing break, first one in OMG over a year!!! Pre kids days DH would always have a day walking up Coniston Old Man or something ( and even when we had one kid he did) but we have a 5 month old as well as a seriously manic 3 year old and have just had a very stressful couple of months so when the issue came up I said I would prefer it if he didn't go this holiday (only this 1). He said 'hmmmm' and nothing more was said about it. Then today while tidying up come across a list off stuff he wants to remember to take- phone charger, laptop.... walking boots, waterproof trousers, maps...
So I guess he's still planning on going. Is it unreasonable to think he might be able to forgo it just this once?

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 05/09/2008 11:14

QS - I see your point....but I am not someone who can ever wait...no slowly slowly catchy monkey for me...
Luckily DH is the same is something is on our minds we get it talked about ASAP...

I kind of think i would be a bit and at being presented with a timeable for my 'reaxing' holiday though

Original poster
wearehipsandmakers · 05/09/2008 11:17

Phoned DH at work (btw- I always do that, it's the only time we get to have a converstion when we're not knackered or have DS talking over us). Said umm could you not have a day walking please and he said oh, ok.
I am sorry to have got people het up over nothing. . We have agreed to go up small hills (weather permitting).

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 05/09/2008 11:20

Awwwwww....see phoning at work CAN be good!!
Didn't you feel a bit sorry for him though?

calsworld · 05/09/2008 11:25

She didn't say it was a relaxing holiday, its a family holiday and as such, wants to spend it with her whole family.

A list of ideas of activities prepared before going on holiday isn't that strange surely. IMO there's nothing worse than wasting half your day acting like the vultures at the end of jungle book;

"so, what do you want to do?"
"I dunno, what do you want to do?"
ad infinitum....

and lets not forget the rain that always turns up to scupper plans, having a few alternative activities planned surely just serves for a less stressful time all round?

I firmly agree that the DH should be allowed some time out - I think its good and healthy, I also don't believe that either parent should be indispensable where both parents are equally fit and well (appreciate there are some circumstances where which make this difficult) ...BUT...at the end of the day, what the OP is really asking for is some support in working out a way to get the family holiday they've originally planned, without DH sneakily packing his kit for a lone walk that hasn't been discussed or agreed.

Is a compromise such a bad thing when two people want different things?

QuintessentialShadow · 05/09/2008 11:26

I guess it can, but if it does, you KNOW before you call!

When we went to Gran Canaria in february half term, dh spent a whole day cycling up a mountain. The next day, he took the kids out while I went to a major shopping centre in the next town. Best of both worlds.

calsworld · 05/09/2008 11:27

YAY! Glad you got something sorted that suits both of you and that DH didn't make it hard for you.

DDF, I stand corrected re phoning DH at work

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2008 11:28

sorted then

jura · 05/09/2008 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrNortherner · 05/09/2008 11:36

YABU i think. Let him go - his holiday too, then you buggar off shopping on your own.

Original poster
wearehipsandmakers · 05/09/2008 11:37

DH used to take DS off my hands on a reasonably regular basis (mainly re-palming him off on his mother) but never as often as he thought he did. Since we have two now he has stated that he will not look after both of them on his own. I think that may change when DD is older or it may not. I could try to force the issue but I really don't want to on this holiday.
I think he looked out of the window during our conversation and thought maybe walking didn't seem much fun. He certainly took it like a man.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 05/09/2008 11:38

i don't see what the big deal about this is.

he gets a day off, so do you.

your folks are there.

we do this whilst my folks are here: one person swans off for a day, then the other person does.

sorted.

everyone's happy.

expatinscotland · 05/09/2008 11:40

'Since we have two now he has stated that he will not look after both of them on his own.'

then why did he father two of them?

screw that.

i'd have left his ass with both of them with no warning.

i don't get 'parents' who refuse to look after their own kids.

i mean, what would he do if something happened to you?

Original poster
wearehipsandmakers · 05/09/2008 11:40

BTW, has anyone actually tried shopping in the Lakes- I mean for anything apart from climbing gear and Beatrix Potter tat. There's a reason I left you know.

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 05/09/2008 11:43

Serioulsy..up until now I have seen his side...bt TELLNG you he WILL NOT look after his own children!!!????

I would be far more into having that out with him rather than his day off walking...

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2008 11:44

yes he has two children so tough he gets two to look after

VinegarTits · 05/09/2008 11:45

wearehipsandmakers glad you cleared that up with him, now untwist your knickers and enjoy your holiday

VinegarTits · 05/09/2008 11:46

Kendal has some lovely shops if your in the south lakes

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/09/2008 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

seeker · 05/09/2008 12:01

I was about to post that I thought you were making a huge mistake - and I still do, actually. But I am so horrified by the "will not look after 2 children" that I am practially speechless. Have you thought about developing tactical flu and seeing what happens? Actuall, no, that's too "girly" an approach. I wuould say "I'm going out on Saturday" and just go. He will cope.

Dropdeadfred · 05/09/2008 12:10

I agree with seeker, but maesure it's when you are NOT with your parents and his mother is unavailable

QuintessentialShadow · 05/09/2008 12:25

My dh had that attitude too, when ds2 was much younger. I developed a sudden nappy and feeding fright. He was fine with ds1. But to also look after ds2 blew his mind. He grew out if though. We would start in the small, an hour in the house, while I had a lie in, then a few hours taking both the the shopping centre. Or one hour at the park. Baby steps. He was just overcome with the responsibility and he was really worried about his own abilities as a father.

QuintessentialShadow · 05/09/2008 12:25

Sorry, HE developed a sudden nappy and feeding fright.

BlingLovin · 05/09/2008 12:30

There was a thread a while back where someone asked how much time DP took children and what you did in the meantime - lots of people like OP here who's DP wouldn't take both kids/did it but only for short periods/made it so unpleasant it wasn't worth it.

Totally agree - it's crazy. Why have children if you can't even look after them for a few hours. God forbid something happens.

Jux · 05/09/2008 12:31

Give him the 3yo to take with him!

FluffyMummy123 · 05/09/2008 12:32

Message withdrawn