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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect DH to not go off by himself for 1 day of a 5 day holiday

109 replies

wearehipsandmakers · 05/09/2008 08:59

Off to the Lakes tomorrow to stay with my parents- nice relaxing break, first one in OMG over a year!!! Pre kids days DH would always have a day walking up Coniston Old Man or something ( and even when we had one kid he did) but we have a 5 month old as well as a seriously manic 3 year old and have just had a very stressful couple of months so when the issue came up I said I would prefer it if he didn't go this holiday (only this 1). He said 'hmmmm' and nothing more was said about it. Then today while tidying up come across a list off stuff he wants to remember to take- phone charger, laptop.... walking boots, waterproof trousers, maps...
So I guess he's still planning on going. Is it unreasonable to think he might be able to forgo it just this once?

OP posts:

QuintessentialShadow · 05/09/2008 10:10

Then talk to him. Expectation management.
Dont let him successfully ambush you, even if you do "let" him go.

Dropdeadfred · 05/09/2008 10:10

In that case...grab the stuff you have found and ask him tonight (before the car is packed) what his plans are...?

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/09/2008 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

calsworld · 05/09/2008 10:19

If you do as I suggested and write down a plan of your activities (dress it up as that you were just making sure you had plans for each day for each weather eventuality as would hate to waste any family holiday time ), then he will have to come out in the open and confess if he was hoping to go for a walk.

Then you can talk through what is best - and bear in mind that there's an awful lot of people on here that thought that it might be a good idea for him to have some time away - perhaps you could compromise on half a day instead of a whole day?

calsworld · 05/09/2008 10:21

Oooh, you could be even smugger than smug and plan in a half day for him...that's going to be quite hard for him to argue against, surely?

Dropdeadfred · 05/09/2008 10:23

Calsworld..you beat me to that one!! I was going to suggest asking him if he would prefer a morning or afternoon?
(I still think he should go though tbh)

anniemac · 05/09/2008 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

wearehipsandmakers · 05/09/2008 10:31

I do normally talk to him, it just caught me off guard this morning.
I am off to find all my leaflets for fun family jaunts.

OP posts:

Dropdeadfred · 05/09/2008 10:33

Is he at work right now? could you call him?

QuintessentialShadow · 05/09/2008 10:45

Gosh no, dont call him. Dont call him at work to discuss the holiday.

Dropdeadfred · 05/09/2008 10:47

I would...i would tell him I am assembling all the stuff to pack into the car and have found his walking stuff...then let him talk

I still think he should be 'allowed' to go off walking for the day

calsworld · 05/09/2008 10:52

I am very strongly in QS camp on this one - will just pave the way for arguments, and he'll say he hasn't got time for talk and then OP will spend the rest of the afternoon fuming....

No, def. don't phone and deal with it later, face to face, armed with aforementioned leaflets of 'fun family jaunts'

Bringbackmybonnietome · 05/09/2008 10:53

If it's imporatnt to him 'let' him do it.

You need to feel you haven't lost everything that's yours when yu have kids.

Think about how you would spend your time having a day on your own. Plan something, (not necessarily in hols)you both still feel like you have a life and time without kids.

Think about how important this is to him. Is it very imporant? Or is he generally a selfish arse who dose stuff like this and needs a kick up the backside?

PavlovtheCat · 05/09/2008 10:55

It is his holiday too, so why not? I am sure that I see the problem. It is one day of a 5 day holiday, like you said.

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2008 10:55

tbh i would let him have his day off

be nice about it

and benefit from his better mood

but do aim to start getting him comfortable and confident and independent with kids and take time out yourself in future without the instrucxtions and the what will i come home to and recriminations after vibe

QuintessentialShadow · 05/09/2008 10:55

If you DO call him at work, he will most likely be really irritated, and come home from work in a mood. Nobody likes their partner to call them at work with potential "futile" home issues. You want to come across as reasonable when you talk to him about this, not like some unhinged woman who does not respect his working hours and call him to whine.

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2008 10:56

omg dont call him at work awful suggestion

zippitippitoes · 05/09/2008 10:57

he will be all stressed clearing his desk and such hyper ventialting stuff

seeker · 05/09/2008 10:59

It would be interesting to see how people would react if a man had come on here complaining about his partner wanting a day off during their holiday staying with his parents. Would we be suggesting he tries to negotiate it down to half a day, or suggest that she takes the children with her, or that he rings her at work to discuss it? Or that they all go with her when she wants to go off on her own? I think not!

Dropdeadfred · 05/09/2008 10:59

gosh..i call my dh loads at work...and he calls me...why is such a biggy??

i couldn't stew all day about things

QuintessentialShadow · 05/09/2008 11:01

To answer that, dropdeadfred, would be a whole new thread, lol! Why dont you start one?

midnightexpress · 05/09/2008 11:03

seeker.

Sigh - so true.

taliac · 05/09/2008 11:03

Goodness don't we all need a day off from everything (work, kids, normal life) occasionally?

I do anyway.

Dropdeadfred · 05/09/2008 11:06

okay, if your dh is the type to slk over a phne call to work just talk to him at home later where he will probably feel ambushed

QuintessentialShadow · 05/09/2008 11:09

No need to ambush. If the op just brings it up in conversatin and shows him a plan of what she thinks are good ideas for what to do, and ask him for his input, AND ask him how he thinks they can manage to all 4 go hiking, there will be no ambush. This needent turn into an argument if handled correctly at all.

But from my perspective, I would let my dh just go off. I have never stopped my dh from any leisure activity unless I am ill. In return, he is extremely helpful and will take the kids out somewhere a few hours on the weekend to let me chill out. It is important to reach a balance. I hope that the op will be able to do just that.

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