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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want this woman to come on a night out with me and my friend?

29 replies

shoot · 03/09/2008 14:26

It's mine and my best friend's birthday within a few days of each other, so she wants us to have a night out together. We never get to go on nights out because we both have young babies and our DPs work all the time.

So she got all excited at the prospect and started talking about us shopping for our outfits in the day time, and going out at the night , drinking at one of our houses first then going to the pubs and then to a club. We haven't done it for so long (about a year and a half since I last went out) it sounds great to me.

I asked if it was ok for me to invite our other friend who has a baby the same age as mine as she'd asked if she could come on our next night out. She said yes that's fine.

Then she said she'd invite a girl who we went to school with who's not a very nice person but I said that's fine.

Next thing she wanted to invite a girl who absolutely despises me. I don't know why, really, but she even refuses to serve me in the club she works in. She REALLy hates me. I said no, I'd go on a different night out with her when that girl wouldn't be there.

But she was like 'No, no, no don't do that. I want us all to go out together. Oh please.'

So have I GOT to go out with this girl? She;s even tried to start on me on nights out before and I'm not a fighter at all. i just like to keep myself to myself and have a laugh with my friends.

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 03/09/2008 14:28

YANBU but you are being annoying to even ask!!

tiredemma · 03/09/2008 14:28

why cant you just go out together?

jasper · 03/09/2008 14:33

You say she is your best friend.

Does she agree this other girl despises you?

suey2 · 03/09/2008 14:34

YANBU- but it sounds like your mate may have asked her already, or she could have got wind of it and invited herself?

Original poster
shoot · 03/09/2008 14:41

She knows the girl hates me but she doesn't seem to care. She's one of those people who just thinks everyone should get on, but how can I get on with the girl when she's so bloody 'orrible.

OP posts:
Janos · 03/09/2008 14:44

shoot - just say no!

If your friend insists on inviting this woman, then explain that you won't be going and why not.

seeker · 03/09/2008 14:45

I don't mean to be patronizing - but how old are you all?

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 03/09/2008 14:48

seeker, I see your sentiment.

However , I am 27, and recently had a horrid confrontation with a woman my age, she was a school friend too, it was very odd, I ended up sobbing in my friends bathroom.

Some women are just bitches.

suey2 · 03/09/2008 14:51

I would not go and make another arrangement for you and your BF to go out another time, rather than going on something you won't enjoy.

Original poster
shoot · 03/09/2008 14:52

23, but she's one of those women who is still like she was at school and cares about stupid things and wants to have fights and bitch at people instead of just getting a decent job and getting on with her life.

OP posts:
narkymum · 03/09/2008 14:56

Does the horrible one know you are going?
I don`t think YABU at all and see where you are coming from, would put a right damper on the night.

Original poster
shoot · 03/09/2008 15:02

I don't think she'll know I'm going but if she does she'll make a point of going just ti be horrible to me because she's like that. The stupidest thing is my best friend said the horrible girl is a total embarressment on nights out and she just wants to tell her to calm down and get a grip.. so why invite her?

I'm just going to have to say no but I think best friend will invite her secretly and then expect me to just put up with it.

OP posts:
Janos · 03/09/2008 15:10

Why on earthw ould your friend invite this woman when a) she knows the situation between you two and b) she's a 'total embrrassment?'

Sounds a bit of an odd thing for a friend to do.

Original poster
shoot · 03/09/2008 15:38

I think so too. i wish people would just be normal lol.

OP posts:
ifyoudidntlaughyoudcry · 03/09/2008 15:54

It's such a shame that a night out you were really looking forward to has turned into a dilemma like this. Did your BF invite the girl or was it a case of the girl invited her self and your BF couldn't say no?

If I were you, I would either go and do my best to get on with everyone else and have a fab time or try and organise something for antoher night with the people you really want to see.

Either way, I would confront BF about lack of concern for the way this girl treats you. As your good friend, she should be insulted on your behalf and not expect you to put up with her on a rare night out with BF.

Janos · 03/09/2008 17:32

"Either way, I would confront BF about lack of concern for the way this girl treats you. As your good friend, she should be insulted on your behalf and not expect you to put up with her on a rare night out with BF."

Well said!

chickydee · 03/09/2008 20:40

I would say to your bf that you will not Be going if this dreg of society is, and see what she says, at the end of the day she then has to decide if she wants to go out with you (her bf) or some weirdo who ruins nights out???
If she says ok odd bod wont be coming, then go out,but if odd bod turns up cos bf decided to do it secretly, jump in nearest taxi! And question your bf's loyalties.

ifyoudidntlaughyoudcry · 03/09/2008 20:47

Thanks Janos!

Girls gotta stick together man!

juneybean · 03/09/2008 23:10

Are you me?! It was my birthday last month and my friend invited her friend along... she's not even one of my friends.

Lemontart · 03/09/2008 23:26

If you spelt it out to your "best friend" that you did not want her there, then she is hardly acting like a friend is she? I thought best friends were there to support you, back you up, respect your wishes - not knowingly invite people who openly hate you along to your birthday party fgs. If this is typical of her normal behaviour - ie. totally ignoring your requests and going behind your back etc knowing it will ruin your evening - then why on earth are you friends with this bitch? If this is out of character for her and you find it genuinely odd that she would invite someone along even if you have spelt it out to her, then you need to have a chat and find out where the problem is. Perhaps she didn?t take your "no way!" seriously or perhaps she is annoyed with you for inviting others to your special BF night out? Whatever angle you think, sort it out and talk to her or your night out will end in tears.

mm22bys · 04/09/2008 07:48

I think YABU - you started inviting others out, and it sounds like it's all got out of control.

Maybe organise another night out strictly the two of you.

mm22bys · 04/09/2008 07:54

I think though you did the right thing asking if you could invite your baby friend out, and she did the right thing asking in return for her first friend.

it was wrong to invite the second one along, abut equally it would put your friend in a difficult situation to uninvite her.

Hopefully if there's lots of you there, the one you don't like won't cause too many problems.

Maybe next time keep it smaller....

Or you could always plead sick the night of te going out so you can go out nicely another night

ErnestTheBavarian · 04/09/2008 07:55

Am confused. so is shoot also thedevilwearsprimark?

shoot - was it you who had the thread last week about agro with a cousin taking your dc out, along with another friend who fancies your dp and hates you? if so, you seem to have an awful lot of argy bargy going on.

Another thing that stood out, is you said this other girl hates you and won't serve you in the club she works at, but if you haven't been out for 1.5 years, presumably she's had time to get over whatever it was / grow up a bit?

Agree, why not just stick to you 2 going out instead of inviting more & more people.

tigermoth · 04/09/2008 07:58

Vote with your feet. Tell your friend you can't go - the crowd has got too big and it's not what you had in mind. Arrange to go out with her another night.

onebatmother · 04/09/2008 08:06

But it sounds as though this woman might try to physically attack the OP?

Of course ynbu - the two of you inviting mutual friends is a completely different scenario to one of you inviting someone who's going to be aggressive towards the other.

I agree that if you say No and your bf goes ahead anyway, she's not much of a bf..