To think that mumsnet is causing the arguments

[beanieb]

The situation is this:
There are 2 of us living in the house and we are trying for kids.

I do the bulk of the washing, ironing, tidying in the house.

I also make 50% or more of the mess.

We both work full time.

When I say Ironing I basically don't iron much except for when I need things but I do get the ironing board out on a Sunday and make sure there are 5 shirts ironed for my OH for the week. If I didn't then my OH would do one in the morning before work. It's no skin off my nose and I don't resent it at all, it's part of my routine.

Cooking is mostly my job and even though the OH asks 'can I help' I rarely accept. He cooks lovely food a few times a month.

I almost always wash up - usually the next morning.

I tend to do all the clothes washing and hanging out, we both tidy the house.

In short we do the bare minimum of housework, tending to let things slide and then have a manic clear up but I am more pro-active when it starts to look like a shithole and I am more likely to do little things as I go along.

Anyway - since I joined mumsnet I have been having 'episodes' where I get frustrated by the amount I am doing, yet I never take help when it is offered.

I think it's mumsnet's fault for putting ideas into my head that I should be unhappy with what I choose to do and as a result I keep sulking about it.

AIBU to blame it on mumsnet?

The trouble is Beanie that purely looking after a baby (imagine the film Speed but with an octopus that's swallowed a fire alarm which won't stop going off if you put it down) and feeding a baby (1 hour on, 1 hour off was my experience with my first, for 24/7) makes any job you attempt to do 100X more difficult. When I had one baby it took me one hour to cook dinner. When I had two, it took me two hours. It's HARD cooking dinner with a baby in a sling who wants feeding/changing at the wrong moment. You can't put them down and let them gurgle at your feet, whatever Miriam Stoppard's book illustrations might suggest.

I honestly don't think you will have probs filling your days on mat leave.

I have a teething baby, it's after 11, I am not dressed and have not washed the breakfast dishes. I am on mn while ds has a nap but other than that I've been seeing to him all morning.

the thing is, small babies don't cause that much more actual housework, but you have to, you know, look after them.

my Mum irons dh's shirts (sometimes) but I NEVER do it, I reason that before we lived together he managed to run a house by himself (with not quite the same standards as me) but he did work full time, clean, shop, iron and wash his own clothes, so really it is reasonable to expect him to share the domestic burden now we share a house, and have children together.

That's what I was trying to say mp!

Actually snorted out load (think it's the first time on MN) about how can one little baby create so much work !!!

Presuming you are out of the house most of the day at the moment.

So when you are at home and people are coming round or visiting the house gets much dirtier, quicker.

(especially if you have a lovely projectile vomiting reflux baby = 3 changes of clothes a day for you, more for baby, endless muslins).

Then if you are bf you are sat down for an hour every 2 hrs (if you're lucky) plus rocking and changing nappy time.

Or bottle feeding all the sterilizing, making, heating, cleaning bottles.

I will stop there for now!

And as soon as the baby is crawling it will be tipping moudly indian take-away food all over your bedroom

which might be irritating after a while

Oh god I am not in the least bit house proud and breast fed and had an incredibly placid baby and I still didn't have a spare moment. They are just very time consuming as they are totally helpless and need constant attention, particularly for the first couple of months.

I dunno they're all different. My granny says that you get the child you can cope with and that probably makes sense as mine have been thus far very easy. I would have actually lept from a building if I'd gone through some of the things that I've read on here.
Seriously though, sort out the housework now because no one was put on this earth to be another man's slave.....except for me with DD1

My DD is 7 weeks, and there is so much more housework. She has stuff everywhere (cradles, buggy etc) so it's difficult to keep the house tidy. We have to spend ages sterilising (I feed her expressed milk because she wouldn't BF). Then there are the muslins etc all over the house, and tonnes more laundry. I've been quite surprised by how much more there is to do tbh. A lot of it is specific to us I guess though.

Everything piles up as well so it always takes longer to clear.

Having said that, DH is fab and does most of it so that I can have a rest.

your day with a newborn:

• breastfeeding: 6 hours (at least)
• sitting with baby on you terrified to move in case he wakes up: 2 hours
• trying to rock baby back to sleep when you put him down because you couldn't feel your legs and he immediately woke up: 2 hours
• giving up and going out for walks with baby in sling/ pram to get him to sleep: 3 hours
• dangling flannels over side of bath to try and entertain baby while you wash your hair with other hand: 1 hour
• making cups of tea with one hand because baby will screeeeeam the place down if you put him down: 1 hour
• trips to a&e because you sliced half your fingers off trying to make a sandwich with one hand: 4 hours
• lying awake when baby finally conked out listening to him farting, groaning, grunting etc in his sleep: 4 hours

lots of time for housework then!

too right asics

also it is the big things

• buggy trails dog shit over carpets: 4 days to sort out ...
• baby sicks up milk all over sofa covers: 1 week to wash and dry covers ...

Sounds like you're doing ok to me fio.
The thing is I'm balls at all that competitive parenting and housekeeping. I won't buy into it because it's clucking mental.
This had freed up my time to do what I can when I can and make a complete arse of most of it!!
Babies do not suffer from slightly stained sleep suits or messy hall ways and once I learned that I was away..much to my mother's annoyance and written warnings

well this is fun - but i have to go because ds wants me. He doesn't want feeding, changing, burping, he just wants me to pick him up and talk to him.

btw bf is def less hassle than sterilising bottles etc - but it takes LOADS of time.

mp

Mine's easyish but she doesn't like being put down so I have to carry her most of the day (except when I go out and she lies quietly in her buggy). Makes it pretty tough to do anything in reasonable time. Or at all.

Beanie B - babies need full on attention but they also have this habit of morphing into toddlers. You can leave an immaculate room for 5 minutes with a toddler in it and step back into the room and it will honestly look like you have been burgled.

Oh and you can forget going to the toilet by yourself for, oh about 3 years.

OK - I am naive.

Have spoken to my work mate and she's explained what some of the difficulties can be.

However - I am not remotely houseproud and my house is basically covered in a film of dust and grime and will probably continue to be so if I have a baby.

My OH is not incapable, we are both just quite relaxed about most household things. It's not like my OH doesn't know how to do the ironing, or how to cook etc.

My work mate says in the first few weeks it's cry, feed, sleep, cry, feed, sleep etc.

What do people do when their baby is sleeping?

Even just the washing alone for a baby is something to behold. They puke on/soak with dribble/urine/poo their clothes so often you would not believe, and on yours too. And the carpet, the furniture, the bedding, everything really.

I am not bothered about germs but there is a big difference between coming home at 6 every night to sit in an untidy house for 4 hours before bed, and having to sit for 24 hours a day in a pigsty. It gets you down. You are there so much more often to make mess and there is so much less time to clear it up.

indeed doggies. i was thinking of posting an AIBU today in fact: AIBU to spend all day rubbing noses with my 16 week old because he is just LOVELY and stuff dinner, the housework, having a bath etc?

but then i thought no, people will just mn can be so cruel hey

when ds is sleeping I draw breath

zippi I don't agree about the cooking - before I had DS, DH and I used to cook together (granted we have a big enough kitchen although it's not huge) - one would chop stuff while the other "created" - worked quite well and ensured that DH learnt proper cookcraft - now he does all the cooking!!

Hold the baby and/or wail.