To think that mumsnet is causing the arguments

[beanieb]

The situation is this:
There are 2 of us living in the house and we are trying for kids.

I do the bulk of the washing, ironing, tidying in the house.

I also make 50% or more of the mess.

We both work full time.

When I say Ironing I basically don't iron much except for when I need things but I do get the ironing board out on a Sunday and make sure there are 5 shirts ironed for my OH for the week. If I didn't then my OH would do one in the morning before work. It's no skin off my nose and I don't resent it at all, it's part of my routine.

Cooking is mostly my job and even though the OH asks 'can I help' I rarely accept. He cooks lovely food a few times a month.

I almost always wash up - usually the next morning.

I tend to do all the clothes washing and hanging out, we both tidy the house.

In short we do the bare minimum of housework, tending to let things slide and then have a manic clear up but I am more pro-active when it starts to look like a shithole and I am more likely to do little things as I go along.

Anyway - since I joined mumsnet I have been having 'episodes' where I get frustrated by the amount I am doing, yet I never take help when it is offered.

I think it's mumsnet's fault for putting ideas into my head that I should be unhappy with what I choose to do and as a result I keep sulking about it.

AIBU to blame it on mumsnet?

lol at the idea of a rota...will it have stars and different colours on it?

Hmmmm....

I am thinking about how it used to be. When I was with my ex he went on and on and on and on and on and on and on (No I am not exagerating) about 'the state of the house'. Mostly it WAS my mess and I AM very lazy. However over the years I became a little more conscientious about my own mess and even though he still wasn't happy I became a bit neater.

Then I met new man and we are both quite slovenly, we're not the kind of people who wash as we go and often leave dirty clothes all over the place, washing up in the sink, take-aways in the bedroom etc etc.

It's great!

But I am finding myself thinking 'why am I doing this' when I put another load of washing in or when I come in straight from work and start doing the dinner.

Thing is he DOES ask if he can help and I ALWAYS say no, so now I would feel a bit mean if I said 'do this', 'do that'...

"just to let you know that if you do have DCs in the future then the housework will not double but multiply by about 100. If you think you have problems now then sort them out now, because having a baby is not a magic wand"

Apart from the extra washing, can you tell me how?

I mean I can understand toddlers make mess, but small babies? I am under the impression that if I have a baby and I am on maternity leave for a year I will be struggling to find ways to fill my days....

Yuk to take aways in the bedroom, how can you sleep with the smell?

But the issue is that you are sometimes resentful that you do more than your DP. He shoudln't need to ask if he can help, he is an adult with eyes presumably and can see for himself what needs doing. You don't both need to be doing to the same thing at the same time, eg cooking - he could have a tidy round whilst you cook/iron etc. If you are not 100% happy now you will definitely struggle when the baby is here and the workload is 1000% bigger.

waiting for roasting but agree with you beanie b
A few little vests and sleepsuits and jobs a goodun

How can one baby create 1000 times more work?

I can see where your coming from OP.

You just have to do what works for you and your relationship. Every couple are different and it doesn't really matter what everyone else does.

You are joking beanieb aren't you? It was a conservative estimate

they just do, believe us. The paraphanalia makes a mess when they are tiny and when they grow a little they make a horrendous mess.

see this is the trouble with consciousness raising

suddenly we realise it is UNFAIR

bring on the revolution

dunno, my two didn't but I am a very lazy slattern and not at all terrified by the scary germ monsters now portrayed on television only to be beaten back by overzealous mumsnetters
rant over

well at the very least when the baby comes beanie you will be more tired
so perhaps it'll feel like there's lots more work

OP - I have to agree with the others, a baby does make ALOT more work.

They just take up so much of your time, which means you have less time for the jobs.

What extra housework (Apart from washing) is there to do with a small baby?

plus it's hard to iron/cook/whatever whilst small baby is glued to you

Steralising bottles and stuff like that.

Ah yes - I will feel more tired, I will let the housework slip I guess. I can get that. So I would hope for more help, nay even ASK for more help!

So babies don't MAKE more work, they just make the work you already have a lot harder.

in fact when dd was tiny dh used to make a sandwich for me before he left for work as i couldn't put dd down long enough to make myself any lunch...

dishwasher for bottles and putting the baby down can set you freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

"Steralising bottles and stuff like that" hope to breastfeed.

that's easy for you to say ronald dd would scream blue murder if I put her down in the first 8 weeks or so
course the next one will have to be a bit more stoical

"dunno, my two didn't but I am a very lazy slattern and not at all terrified by the scary germ monsters now portrayed on television only to be beaten back by overzealous mumsnetters
rant over"

I am with you on this one Ronaldinhio.

Are there situations with babies where you can't put them down all day and everyday until you go back to work?