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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my PIL are trying to kill me?

91 replies

JuneBugJen · 01/09/2008 08:43

Can you tell me if IABU about my PIL dogs/cats.

I am totally allergic to animals. By that I mean I have ended up in hospital TWICE because of staying at their house. At one point they had 2 dogs and 1 cat (they got the cat even after my 1st massive asthma attack!) They say they will keep the pets out the back, but strangely they still seem to get all over the house.

This is not too much of a prob at the moment as we live in the same town. But in a year we will be relocating (I dont know where) which means I will need to stay at theirs overnight if they want to see the DCs.
One of their dogs died recently and the other has cancer, soon there will be just the cat (which I will be able to cope with, with just some piriton and ventolin etc)

My MIL was going on about getting ANOTHER dog yesterday. and

I said 'well then we wont be able to come and stay with you' in a jokey voice. But she kept going on about it all day to other people.

For such LOVELY people how can they be such ignorant tossers?
What should I do? They obviously are not going to listen to hints.

PS I love animals, their fur just doesnt love me.

OP posts:
cornsilk · 01/09/2008 08:45

Stay somewhere else then.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 01/09/2008 08:45

YABU

Original poster
JuneBugJen · 01/09/2008 08:46

how come five?

OP posts:
RubyRioja · 01/09/2008 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

belgo · 01/09/2008 08:47

Have you spoken to them about it? Have you made it clear that you simply cannot stay at their house when you are so allergic to their animals?

mankyscotslass · 01/09/2008 08:47

Stay somewhere else or have them come to you minus the animals.

beanieb · 01/09/2008 08:48

yabu.

belgo · 01/09/2008 08:48

It seems that it will be them who miss out on seeign their grandchild if you can't stay at their house.

tortoiseshell · 01/09/2008 08:48

I can see why you're upset. However, looking at their point of view, they've lost a dog, may lose the other, AND their family is moving away - so I can see exactly why they want to get another dog. They may rely on the dog walking as exercise, or it may be a social thing - meet people while they're out with the dog. And if they really love dogs, then you can't say 'you can't have a dog because of the odd occasions we may come and stay'.

I would still visit, but obviously stay somewhere else.

Original poster
JuneBugJen · 01/09/2008 08:49

Could do that I guess, but it would be pretty awful being in a travel lodge with 2dcs for the weekend!

Also, ds is looking like he is going the same way as me. Off to dermatologist on Fri, so he wont be able to stay either. They keep saying how pets will strengthen his immune system, but so far whenever he is in contact with animals he just becomes a big bag of snot!

OP posts:
oops · 01/09/2008 08:50

Message withdrawn

belgo · 01/09/2008 08:50

yes I wondered if your children may also be allergic if you are so allergic.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 01/09/2008 08:50

Because you can't say to someone they can't have a dog or not, if you lived with them it would be an entirely different manner, as others have suggested you could have them come to your house or stay in a travelodge.

2point4kids · 01/09/2008 08:50

YANBU to not go and stay with them
YABU to not want them to have pets for the odd times that you do visit

Instead of staying at their house you could go less often and stay in B&B
Send the kids for a trip on their own
Meet half way on neutral ground
Have the PILs visit you instead

Flamesparrow · 01/09/2008 08:50

Stay somewhere else.

If you are very allergic to animals then you will not have had pet dogs/cats - after having them round the house for so many years, the thought of not having one so that you can stay on the odd occasion is completely unreasonable.

SoupDragon · 01/09/2008 08:52

YABU. You can't insist they have no pets ever when you will only be there a handful of days a year. You'll need to find alternative accommodation or they can come and visit you. My parents have no problems driving 1.5 hours to see my children when I've not been able to make it down to them.

Original poster
JuneBugJen · 01/09/2008 08:52

Totally understand about wanting an animal (I would LOVE a cat, Im crazy about them) and can see about wanting to keep active , so do sympathise.
But even when I am there for a couple of hours I am wheezing and really distressed. Have tried everything.

OP posts:
2point4kids · 01/09/2008 08:53

Dont go then. They will come to you I am sure as they will want to see the children.

petitmaman · 01/09/2008 08:54

I can understand why they want more pets but you do need to explain to them in words of one syllable that when you relocate you will not be able to stay at their house (therefore neither will dcs)while the pets are around.
great excuse for not visiting ILs though
how old are dcs ? could they stay there occasionally without you so you get a break?
once you have explained it though it is ILs choice

Original poster
JuneBugJen · 01/09/2008 08:54

Really interesting advice.
Perhaps I will be the first person in mumsnet history to discover that they are being unreasonable!!

OK, will set it out to them. That basically if we do come we will not be staying with them if they get more pets and that all future Xmas's etc will be at ours. I guess that way then the choice is theirs.

OP posts:
Jackstini · 01/09/2008 08:57

Can they come and stay with you or would that be more hassle with kennels etc?
YANBU for not wanting to be ill every time but YABU to want them to forego having pets when you only see them occasionally.
However, as you have had to go to hosp twice because of their house I think they AB a little bit U to not keep the animals out of communal areas whilst you are there and ensure no hairs etc.
Can you get a good dose of anti-hists from the doc for when you go?

Original poster
JuneBugJen · 01/09/2008 09:02

done antihist, oral steroids, inhaled steroids, dogs kept out the back (allegedly!) but we find them everywhere!

Nothing works. Seem ok with only one pet, skin goes crap but can cope with that. So not saying they shouldnt have ANY pets, just not to go overboard.

Sad thing is, I really like being with them. They are really lovely which is why I am having an issue with this as they are not the kind of people who are good with confrontation.

OP posts:
Jackstini · 01/09/2008 09:04

If you are brave, wait until you are really ill in front of them - then say "I am so sorry, we will have to stay somewhere nearby next time - I cannot risk this for dcs"
They can't ignore you not breathing surely?

QuintessentialShadow · 01/09/2008 09:07

But, why cant your dh and your (nonallergic) dcs stay with your inlaws? You dont have to come all the time. Surely your dh AND his parents will be able to care for the children without you? Or am I missing something?

I would look this as a welcome opportunity to get some weekends off, while your dh gets some quality time with his parents and children. And if you DO want to join, you can sleep over at a travellodge, either with your dh, or the allergic child.

Original poster
JuneBugJen · 01/09/2008 09:07

Had two really bad asthma attacks at theirs where couldnt breathe and needed to be hospitalised. Thought that might be an adequate 'dont get any more pets' hint!

They keep coming up with theories and solutions like the cat will be an outdoor one, but lo and behold, he lives inside.

My mum was really upset one Xmas as I couldn't breathe much all day. She said she didn't keep me alive all though childhood for my PILs to kill me!

OP posts: