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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a woman who fancies DP just took my baby out for a walk?

44 replies

shoot · 29/08/2008 20:04

She fancies DP and she didn't like me when we got together, obviously.

She's a couple of years younger than me and she's friends with his cousin. I left DS with MIL for the day, and then he was going to DPs auntie's house for a couple of hours.

I find it difficult to send my DS to the ILs as it is, they're not horrible but they do things very differently to me and I have to put this to the back of my mind and I'm trying to get over it.

Anyway, it was a bit of a trial run for me as MIL and DPs auntie are wanting to mind DS sometimes when I'm at work.

I got a txt from DPs cousin (aged 19) asking if she could take my baby for a walk while he's at her house. We normally say no as DPs not comfortable with this, but I thought we need to be reasonable about this so I said yes.

DP rang me to tell me and I said I know I've already ok'd it. He said I think they've taken DS and his cousin (aged 2). So I said 'They?' and he said cousin and friend. I didn't know which friend.

But when I went to collect him he's being held by the girl who fancies my DP and she'd taken him out for a walk!

DP claimed he didn't know which of his cousin's friends was with the baby but he must have done because they phoned me.

He KNOWS I really don't like her at all. So I'm infuriated he let it happen.

If she doesn't like me she's obviously not going to be looking after DS responsibly is she?

Really irritated by the whole thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
shoot · 29/08/2008 20:06

Sorry, his cousin and her friend phoned DP on their walk, they didn't phone me.

OP posts:
MarkStretch · 29/08/2008 20:06

Yes I would be pissed off too.

posieflump · 29/08/2008 20:06

Did just the girl take him or was the 19 year old cousin out for this walk?

BlueberryBeret · 29/08/2008 20:06

Is DS DP's son? If so she would be the best person in the world to look after him...

Original poster
shoot · 29/08/2008 20:08

The cousin and the girl, then the two kids. Far too cosy for my liking. He is DP's son, too, but I just feel like she's gone and taken over and I feel all weird now. And everytime I hold DS since i picked him up, he cries. Which is nothing to do with that, but adds to me feeling shitty

OP posts:
spicemonster · 29/08/2008 20:09

I can see why you're annoyed but I don't think you can assume she's not going to be looking after your DS responsibly. She might take extra special care of him so that your DP can see that she'd make a good mum. Not that that scenario is much of an improvement tbh ...

Original poster
shoot · 29/08/2008 20:10

As long as I'm not being unreasonable. And she's so rough as well which bothers me, and that not even me being snobby, it's just her being rough.

DP's trying to avoid the conversation. His family always do stuff like this.

OP posts:
S1ur · 29/08/2008 20:13

But you said it was okay, not him. He even phoned to check. So it seems a bit unfair to blame it on him.

I see no connection between her disliking you and not being resposnible with your son.

That said.

I get why seeing little missy snuggling your babe and making eyes at your honey would piss you off.

End of the day though - he'll always be your baby and its you who takes dp home to bed.

nappyaddict · 29/08/2008 20:14

but if he didn't speak to the friend - only his cousin - then he wouldn't have known whic friend it was.

Portofino · 29/08/2008 20:14

LOL BlueberryBeret! I can see why you were upset - but are you honestly worried that dp has reciprocal feelings? Otherwise it is a bit of non-issue. You had given permission for DS to be taken for a walk by his cousin. Any friends who tagged along would not be a concern to me unless this cousin was reknowned for hanging out with drug dealers and peodophiles. Sounds like the issue is more about your worries about dp than the safety of your child.

theSuburbanDryad · 29/08/2008 20:14

I'd be really, really cross tbh.

And it would the last time ds went over to the IL's without me as well.

And I'd be looking at alternative childcare for when i return to work too.

Overreact? Moi??

YANBU.

Portofino · 29/08/2008 20:16

Any pedant's lurking, please excuse my spelling - dd is in bed and it is chardonnay O'clock.

theSuburbanDryad · 29/08/2008 20:17

Yes, but the OP gave permission for the cousin to take her ds out. Not the mate as well. And then that was the last she knew about it until she went to pick her ds, and there was this other woman who fancies her dp and doesn't like her, trying to muscle in and be all matey.

Not the dp's fault, but i'd be miffed with the cousin and the IL's, especially if they knew the history between the OP and this other girl.

combustiblelemon · 29/08/2008 20:18

You did say that you would normally say no (to cousin) because your DP isn't comfortable with it, but that you decided to say yes. As soon as your DP found out (when they called him) he phoned you. I don't understand how he 'let' it happen. Even if he found out she was with his cousin, they were already out walking by then weren't they, so it was too late to stop it.

Original poster
shoot · 29/08/2008 20:19

I do feel sorry that DP always gets it in the neck when he's family do this, so that's why I'm venting on here so not as to vent on him.

Just feel all cheated and frustrated. It was a horrible thing to realise, IYSWIM.

Suburban- glad you're thinking along the same lines as me lol. I really am thinking that, though.

OP posts:
combustiblelemon · 29/08/2008 20:21

Agree with TheSuburbanDryad. I'm not surprised you're pissed off with your ILs and cousin, I just don't think your DP is in the wrong.

theSuburbanDryad · 29/08/2008 20:22

What did the cousin say Shoot? Were they shamefaced at all?

Portofino · 29/08/2008 20:22

Ok, when I was a teenager I babysat for a couple with 2 small kids. I really fancied the husband. It was obviously not reciprocated (much to my disappointment - but I was young and naive). Does that mean I did a bad job watching the kids? Definitely not. Should have it caused concern to their mother? She might have laughed about it, but I was no threat to their relationship.....Your dp phoned to check with you, so why are you so worried?

Original poster
shoot · 29/08/2008 20:24

Porto- I don't know, I'm just upset

Suburban- Not shamefaced at all. But I don't know if they realise I don't like her, though they know she fancies DP and has done for a LONG time. The whole family are really fickle so they're hard work.

OP posts:
Original poster
shoot · 29/08/2008 20:24

oh and they know she doesn't like me.

OP posts:
theSuburbanDryad · 29/08/2008 20:34

Your IL's sound a bit loony tbh. I wouldn't be having ds round there without me, IIWY. (just my opinion, obviously)

I don't think that this girl would necessarily have done a bad job looking after your ds, but if you don't want her looking after him then i think not letting her have access to him is the easiest solution!

Original poster
shoot · 29/08/2008 21:06

I'm with you Suburban. I think DP will think I'm over reacting and his family will be nightmarish, but it's sooooooooo got under my skin.

OP posts:
ErnestTheBavarian · 29/08/2008 21:15

Can't see why it's dp'y fault.
Also think it would be terribly unfair on in laws if you limit their access to your dc because a cousin took a mate with her on a walk.

That would BU.

I do understand why you'd feel uncomfortable about her being there, but that's it really.

Original poster
shoot · 29/08/2008 21:17

Hmm maybe I am taking it a little far but I'm soooooo uncomfortable. Sympathise with me that this tramp tried to steal my family

OP posts:
skidoodle · 29/08/2008 21:29

sorry but i can't remember the last time i heard such a fuss over nothing.

Your son's cousin took him for a walk with your permission. A woman you don't like held your son.

That's it.

You sound scarily possessive of your son. He's a person. Not your possession.