To be upset that a woman who fancies DP just took my baby out for a walk?

[shoot]

She fancies DP and she didn't like me when we got together, obviously.

She's a couple of years younger than me and she's friends with his cousin. I left DS with MIL for the day, and then he was going to DPs auntie's house for a couple of hours.

I find it difficult to send my DS to the ILs as it is, they're not horrible but they do things very differently to me and I have to put this to the back of my mind and I'm trying to get over it.

Anyway, it was a bit of a trial run for me as MIL and DPs auntie are wanting to mind DS sometimes when I'm at work.

I got a txt from DPs cousin (aged 19) asking if she could take my baby for a walk while he's at her house. We normally say no as DPs not comfortable with this, but I thought we need to be reasonable about this so I said yes.

DP rang me to tell me and I said I know I've already ok'd it. He said I think they've taken DS and his cousin (aged 2). So I said 'They?' and he said cousin and friend. I didn't know which friend.

But when I went to collect him he's being held by the girl who fancies my DP and she'd taken him out for a walk!

DP claimed he didn't know which of his cousin's friends was with the baby but he must have done because they phoned me.

He KNOWS I really don't like her at all. So I'm infuriated he let it happen.

If she doesn't like me she's obviously not going to be looking after DS responsibly is she?

Really irritated by the whole thing.

I think you missed the point entirely.

oh yes you're right. I forgot that letting a woman hold your baby is a form of cheating. No wonder you're so mad that your dp didn't scour the neighbourhood to save your son from the clutches of this evil woman who had the temerity to fancy him before you met.

Seriously, you're a mother and you worry about this shit?

It's made you uneasy. I would guess that if you have dp's family minding your son then 'she' will be on the periphery a fair bit. You've said dp's family are fickle and hard work - not my idea of who I'd have minding my pfb.

Can you afford alternative child care?

See - for me, the issue would be this "mate" using my ds as a weapon. She doesn't like Shoot, and is using her ds to get at her.

And as a mother I think she should absolutely worry about that!!

Skidoodle- christ you're blowing it out of proportion. God forbid I vent on here about something I'm a bit upset about rather than whinge on at my DP, when my DS is already in bed. Why you getting so mad? If you think it's nowt to worry about and I'm being so stupid, don't respond.

Suburban- exactly what my worry is, too. She knows how inappropriate it is.

Heated- Can't afford alternate childcare at the moment and they've said it's unfair to only let my family mind DS. What a mess.

ha ha you do realise you posted this in Am I Being Unreasonable don't you?

Btw your partners family get no say in your childcare arrangements. You don't need to conform to their idea of fairness. If you and dp would feel more comfortable with your family and they are agreeable then do that.

You do what makes you happy regarding the childcare otherwise you'll find you'll be venting on MN.... A LOT!

It sounds to me that once DP was aware of the situation he phoned you to make sure you had given the OK, and you have to bear in mind that if he had told you who was with your ds, you would probably have made him be the bad guy and say that ds could not go with them, don't take it out on him.

You are his mother you decide who looks after him and holds him, I would suggest you let the cousin know that you let him go with her because you trust her, and if she wants to take him again she must be the one to look after him, not her friends, or you will not allow him to go with her, if she is aware of this girls dislike for you then I am sure she will take the hint !

My child may not be 'my possesion' but he is my life and a part of me and I would never let someone who hated me near my child either, even if I were absolutely sure she would do him no harm.

"Sympathise with me that this tramp tried to steal my family " I'm sorry - i can appreciate why you are uncomfortable with this person spending time with your son. But unless there is much more going on than in OP what evidence is there she is trying to steal your family? They only went for a walk? What does DP say about this?

once a child has been born it is rather bizarre to claim they are a part of you.

Your son is your life? Poor him

Porto- Just joking about the tramp stealing my family thing, hense the lol. She's not trying to steal them really, she's just inappropriate.

Wicked- I've left it with DP and not said anything other than she shouldn't be taking my son out for walks. He sort of laughed it off, but he knows it won't be happening again.

Skidoodle- I don't think your views are what the majority think and feel. It's human nature to be upset if someone who fancies your DP and doesn't like you is taking your baby out without permission that THEY could take him.

I think I would have reacted the same way, unreasonable or not. Sometimes a mother's instinct and protective feelings are not straightforwardly reasonable. If someone was holding my baby who I knew didn't like me I would NOT be happy, I would feel as though she was holding a very vulnerable part of me/my family and would want to take hm back and reseal my armour as quickly as possible.

Don't care if that's not reasonable, it's how I feel as a mother.

Skidoodle I understand your point completely, I don't think saying that your kids are a part of you means that you want to smother them necessarily. It's a turn of phrase that indicates how fiercely protective you are when threatened.

Urgh the cousin has asked to take DS out again and I just know this other woman will be there. What do I say?

If you're not happy say no. Your baby, your rules. Make any excuse if you really have to save feelings, but say no if you want to.

I just avoided the whole thing and took the baby away with me, but I feel like it's all awkward now.

It's not just that, but also they're quite young (19 and 20) and I don't want children looking after my child IYSWIM.

Urgh I'm so angry.

she fancies your Dp but he is clealry in a commited relationship with you.

Im obviously vain, i just assume that everywoman would be attracted to any man brave enough willing to go out with me.

Children looking after children? 19 & 20? I know fantastic parents that age. I was working as a nanny at 16, I was the best thing those kids had

Can;t you just trust your husband? So what if she fancies him, she isn't going to drag him off kicking and screaming if he doesn't want to. I would think she would also want him to see how fab she is with your child, she wouldn't want him to think badly of her

I think you are bvu

i actually think youhave jealousy and control issue you need to work on.

you say your uneasy abnout your Il;s caring for DS..why? unless they have been proved inept whatsthe problem?

seriously, DS is fine and probably enjoyed himself. whats the problem?

The problem is a woman who doesn't like me looking after my DS. I think that's fairly rashional.

And the in laws have done some very questionable things. MIL is a seriously toxic parent and GP. And the rest of the ILs pander to her.