To think this man shouldn't have called my dd "nasty"?

[kando]

DD1 had a hospital appointment today so not having anyone who could look after the other 2 dds, we all had to go. We are sitting in the waiting room (the only ones there) when a man and his little girl come in. My 3 are all playing, dd3 (2.5) was playing up a bit (she's a bit of a screamer when she doesn't get her own way) The man and his little girl stay for a little while then they wander off, then the little girl comes back in on her own. She goes to the toy section where my dds are playing, all fine, then the little girl starts crying and I turn round to see dd3 pinching the little girl in the mouth I immediately told dd3 off and told her to say sorry to the little girl, and also said sorry to her. The man comes in, gets his little girl then says "Come on, let's get away from these nasty children". So I said, "excuse me, please don't call my children nasty" and went to sit back down with dd3. He then comes back into the waiting room without his dd, comes up to me quite closely and said that I should control my children, that I should get a babysitter and leave them at home if I can't control them, and that he could hear dd3 screaming earlier. I said, she's only 2.5 and I can't control her voice, if he could suggest a way to get dd3 to stop screaming, short of gagging her, I'd be more than happy for him to tell me. He said if he could control is kids, then I should be able to control mine. Then he stormed off. I could hear his partner saying to him "leave it, leave it" but he came storming back through saying that his dd was bleeding and had a scratch. I said that I was sorry about that, and that I'd cut her nails when I got home. He went off again, then came back through with his dd and said "look at the state of her face". I was upset to see what my dd3 had done, and told her that I was sorry dd had hurt her, and asked dd3 to say sorry to the little girl again, which she did. He was much calmer when he came back through with his dd, but I felt very intimidated by him.

I appreciate that he was upset at what had happened to his dd, as was I, but did he really need to call her "nasty"? Is a 2.5 year old capable of being "nasty" rather than naughty? I'm still feeling very shaken up by this.

He sounds a bit over the top. But I would be cross if another child made my child cry too!

Nasty - no but your dd was a bit naughty.

Having read through this, I think we can condense the replies on this thread down to this 1 statement from Uriel:

"I think you should have taken the 'nasty' comment on the chin, kando. If you hadn't replied, I doubt the man would have come back."

I think that pretty much sums it all up.

SDG
actually i agree You and Uriel on that too.

Another child being pinchy or scratchy is one thing. The mother then lecturing me as I am leaving would have been a trial to my composure

Personally I do think it was a very naughty thing to do. 2.5 is well old enough to know that scratching is not a nice thing to do. Had the child been 18 months old thats another thing. By 2.5 most children have enough cognitive ability to know better though that dosent always stop the impulse.
I would have been very very cross had another child scracthed my child so hard as to draw blood and would probably have mouthed off a bit at you. Though on the other hand I dont think you particularly could have stopped it IYKWIM.
I also do think the fact that he seemed to intimidate you wasnt on though. So I suppose I can see a part of both sides.

I think if I had been in the waiting room with the OP, saw her sitting with her back to her kids, and then for one of her kids to draw blood on my kids face I would probably assumed that she wasn't controlling her kids and would have said so if she had came back with her smart retort.

I agree that 2.5 is generally old enough for a child to know that scratching hurts and is wrong. And scratching another child on the mouth and making it bleed needs to be a pretty intentional scratch.
Of course, children develop at different rates, and some will have a tendency to be biters and scratchers more than others - so as a parent you have a responsibility to take that into account.One of my 3 kids had a tendency to react suddenly and unexpectedly like this, and I had to keep a really close eye, particularly in situations like waiting rooms where there tend to be a small number of toys and children can suddenly get into a conflict over something.

blimey!

i have a biter/pincher atm. she drives me insane, and can be hard to stop once she gets going. have tried distraction, time out etc etc. she is a rather unsettled little girl atm, and someone having a go at me for soemthing that i cant honestly control would probably send me over the edge tbh.

she is also melodramatic to the point its funny, which isnt good, but does amuse me whilst i try to ignore those 'moments' she has.

fortunatly she hasnt attacked strangers childrens yet, and is generally loving to those younger than her, but doesnt like being cornered or confronted by bigger kids.

sounds like his LO would never step out of line because he probably has her terrified to do anything.

kids are kids and thats what they do... they test boundaries. when they are interacting with each other and one is naughty to the other, all a parent can do is explain what they've done is bad and make them apologize. you did this and said sorry to him and that should have been it. him coming back repeatedly to intimidate you, closely talking to you, is harassment. i can see why you are miffed by the whole thing.

dalek...what i was referring to was his 2 or 3 returns, not the initial reaction
initial reaction was a bit silly, but understandable in the settings, but it's the returning, and standing near to the OP that got me
like you said, your placid DH wouldn't have done that....it's the not letting it go

sorry..the not letting it go that is the indicator to his possibly not being the nicest guy

I fail to see what relevance any views on sn I have previously aired on mumsnet have under these circumstances, the op's daughter doesn't have sn as far as I am aware...

I would have been VERY upset if a child did this to my DS.
I know children go through these stages but i do think that if you know your DD is likely to do something like this then sitting with your back to her in a hospital waiting room is not really on.
Having spent many hours waiting for appts with my DS i do also know how anxious and stressful it is and do think the man may have over reacted because of this.
He was out of order to keep coming back to you when you had both already said sorry.

Yes I can imagine being very upset indeed if my ds had ended up with a bleeding scratch on the mouth from another child. TBH I can totally understand his angry 'lets get away from these nasty children' comment, in the circumstances. I mean of course your DD is only tiny and was naughty rather than nasty but in the heat of the moment I think that comment is understandable if unfortunate.

But further than that, no he was aggressive and intimidating and over the top to keep coming back.

do you really think 2.5 is old enough to understand?
my ds has hit and kicked my friends baby [1 year old] and he is 2.5.