To think this man shouldn't have called my dd "nasty"?

[kando]

DD1 had a hospital appointment today so not having anyone who could look after the other 2 dds, we all had to go. We are sitting in the waiting room (the only ones there) when a man and his little girl come in. My 3 are all playing, dd3 (2.5) was playing up a bit (she's a bit of a screamer when she doesn't get her own way) The man and his little girl stay for a little while then they wander off, then the little girl comes back in on her own. She goes to the toy section where my dds are playing, all fine, then the little girl starts crying and I turn round to see dd3 pinching the little girl in the mouth I immediately told dd3 off and told her to say sorry to the little girl, and also said sorry to her. The man comes in, gets his little girl then says "Come on, let's get away from these nasty children". So I said, "excuse me, please don't call my children nasty" and went to sit back down with dd3. He then comes back into the waiting room without his dd, comes up to me quite closely and said that I should control my children, that I should get a babysitter and leave them at home if I can't control them, and that he could hear dd3 screaming earlier. I said, she's only 2.5 and I can't control her voice, if he could suggest a way to get dd3 to stop screaming, short of gagging her, I'd be more than happy for him to tell me. He said if he could control is kids, then I should be able to control mine. Then he stormed off. I could hear his partner saying to him "leave it, leave it" but he came storming back through saying that his dd was bleeding and had a scratch. I said that I was sorry about that, and that I'd cut her nails when I got home. He went off again, then came back through with his dd and said "look at the state of her face". I was upset to see what my dd3 had done, and told her that I was sorry dd had hurt her, and asked dd3 to say sorry to the little girl again, which she did. He was much calmer when he came back through with his dd, but I felt very intimidated by him.

I appreciate that he was upset at what had happened to his dd, as was I, but did he really need to call her "nasty"? Is a 2.5 year old capable of being "nasty" rather than naughty? I'm still feeling very shaken up by this.

Stracted? clearly I mean scratched...

FFS do you think a 2.5 year old actually meant it, with malice, seriously!!?!

Are you speaking from another planet!?

And "distraction" can automatically stop a 2.5 year old from screaming in public

Labelling a toddler as nasty is horrible and I hope my dd never learns to speak that way about other children.

You learn it how ...? By experiencing a more extreme reaction than if you had dropped a piece of toast butter side down.

If you have three children you can't supervise all 3 of them hovering over them at once. It's not possible. You can't glue yourself next to 3 children who might do something antisocial (as children tend to).

Even if you have 1:1 with a pincher you cannot stop them pinching even when sat next to them or on top of them.

DS1 has pinched me about 18 times in the last 55 minutes, 20 of those were spent in the car where he couldn't reach me. I can't stop him and he's going for me - he's too quick.

Quattrocentro that's completely over the top

IMO "nasty" refers to intent as well as action. To inflict injury on another person with the deliberate aim of causing pain/drawing blood - that's quite a sophisticated intellectual feat for a 2yo.

Actually an extreme reaction to ds1 will make him pinch you again within seconds. You have to give a reaction that's appropriate for the child. Most children learn fairly quickly not to pinch etc. Some take longer. Some never do it at all.

ha ha @ distraction preventing a child screaming. Someone hasn't met my ds3.

Every child is different. It can be good to remember that when faced with other children doing seemingly unpleasant things. Especially when they're 2 so are acting mainly on impulse.

Attempts at distraction make my kids madder than a wasp in a lampshade when they're angry. I'm the same, actually

jimjams, I have 5 kids, they are all relatively little, when I am out with all 5 at once then yes I do manage to supervise them!

I would say I'm lucky because mine are all well behaved and always have been but I haven't been 'lucky', me and DH have taught them what is and what isn't appropriate behaviour, that they will be reprimanded for inappropriate behaviour and that mummy/daddy is always 2ft away to spot and bad behaviour and put a stop to it (and equally praise the good)

Bloody hell, some of you are so fucking perfect aren't you?
Excuse me while I vomit.

I could control 5 ds2's in the middle of Piccadilly Circus without breaking sweat (and if I had 5 ds2's I'd be so smug people would want to punch me).

DS3 is a different story.

And I have yet to meet anyone who can control ds1 alone.

Like I said different children react differently. Assuming all children are like your own is daft.

That was a particularly insufferable post Belladonna

I would offer Belladonna a dose of ds1 but she's written some pretty intolerable stuff about SN in the past so I don't think I could risk it.....

I don't think you are being unreasonable - my children have been hurt by other children and as long as the mother has acknowledged what has happened and dealt with it then, even if I am concerned about the injury - I usually just accept it for what it is, something kids do.

He does sound aggressive - his remark would have perhaps been understandable if you hadn't dealt with it but you did. He sounds like he has temper issues and I do think he sounds like he was bullying you.

BellaDonna79 have you polished your halo today?

jimjams, one of mine has a facial scar because another child scratched her when she was a baby.

I was hoping it would fill in, but the mark's still there.

Definite history DIL so not really bullying. Plenty on the SN board have been unfortunate enough to come across her opinions about SN etc before.

???!!! anyone who would be angry with another child you scratched your own child..... Why???

My DS1 is now 3.5 and in the last 18mths has been thumped, scratched, bitten, knocked over more times than I can remember, generally by children a lot smaller than him(!- he's a bit of a pushover and more the passifist!). On all these occassions, the mother has been 10 x more concerned and mortified by what their child has done.

I give my own son a kiss, cuddle, make him feel better, but really, it's not like the other child has any real understanding of what they have done. They are learning these things. Why on earth would I get angry with the other child, or their parent? I don't understand.

... and to add, it is the other parent's job to chastise or punish, or do whatever they do, make them say sorry etc....
If that didn't happen, then, hmm,... I'd have to reevaluate the situation of course...

By BellaDonna79 on Thu 28-Aug-08 17:02:57
jimjams, I have 5 kids, they are all relatively little, when I am out with all 5 at once then yes I do manage to supervise them!

prompted my halo comment
hardly bullying.

the first time I could understand as instinctive reaction to kid being hurt - but coming back to have a go several more times is unacceptable. 2 year olds really aren't terribly amenable to reason IME or have enough forethought to be deliberately nasty.

Some children remain challenging even with very good parenting.

If you have a pincher/scratcher/biter there is little you can do to prevent it tbh. Even if you glue yourself to them, it won't be enough to stop it. I think this is something that people without experience of trying to stop a biter don't realise.

I agree with bergen though. The only one of my children to be physical is ds1 - although he only spent 2 weeks going for children then rest of the time it's been adults. All my children have been punched/scratched/hit/bitten/grabbed etc etc a lot more than they've ever dished out. I've never once felt anger towards a 2 year old for doing that. I do expect a mother to step in an say something to their child (although not sure there's a one size fits all approach) if something happens - but the OP did.